A Tale of Cirroth, and the Annoying Immortal Knight

[Vixen Evenstar]

Okey doke, this is a story i wrote, I'll type out a bit...not all of it...(typing cramps you know!) :rolleyes: yeah sure...

tell me what think! Pm me or just tell me in this thread! Both is good! :) (forgive my spelling)


CIRROTH AND THE ANNOYING IMMORTAL KNIGHT


In the country of Penn, there was a mountain. Now, this may not
seem to have anything to do with you, but it does!
No, I lied, it has nothing to do with you...but it's part of the story...so shut up and listen.
The mountain was called Welalaith, it was called that because it was very tall and dark...and the villagers at the base of it couldn't think up a better name. On the mountain there was a castle, the castle was also tall and dark, it was very evil looking, and gave one the shivers just to look at it. The reason for this, was that the man who built it, and lives inside it, was very tall and dark and evil looking. Yes, he looked evil, sounded evil and smelled evil...(baths are not evil enough, which explains his B.O.) Yes, when one looked, one thought to oneself "there is a very evil man" but you would be mistaken there! He was a good man at heart! He just never acted like it. The mans name was Cirroth. Cirroth was a Wizard. He lived in his castle all by himself, he lurked around in the gloom and conducted evil and frightening experiments on poor dumb animals...he spoke to no one.
That is, until the day one of his evil experiments caused a weasle to talk....then he lurked about in the gloom, conducted evil and frightening experiments, and talked to his weasle. (which happened to be name "Pek")
One day, being bored of only talking to a weasle (they had wonderful discussions on politics....but Pek was sadly lacking the brains to talk of dark magic and other wizardish things) Cirroth hired an evil apprentice. His name was Olecc, and he was a bit of a jock. He would much rather be out slaying dragons and running people through with long pointy objects, then be stuck inside practicing dark magic. But the pay was good, so Olecc learned magic from the old Wizard.
Luckily he did get to practice his sword play from time to time, when a hero came to the castle. Ever since last fall there had been an endless stream of Knights, heros and other such turkeys, all coming to rescue the damsel in distress Cirroth kept locked in the highest tower. They had to get past Olecc first...and that was not easy, he'd grown up hitting other children with sticks, pretending to be a bad guy,that was what he said when people asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, all the other normal boys said "I want to be a knight, just like n'uncle Byren!" but Olecc would always answere "Im going to kill your n'uncle Byren! Im going to be evil when i grow up!" Then he would gaze out the window, daydreaming, a blood thirsty look on his face...hi poor mother died young.
But a few had made it past him, they would point over his shoulder.."Look! Cinderella!" and then dodge past him. It worked every time. However, they then had the dragon to contend with.
A great red fire breathing serpant named Corky. I don't know why Cirroth named him Corky. I am reminded of a little white dog, the kind that jump up and down and never cease yapping until you are ready to poke your eardrums out with a fork....(sending the thing flying with a drop kick works better though) However annoying those little white dogs are, Im sure the knights and hero's all wished Corky HAD been a little white dog. Little white dogs don't breath fire all over you and then rip your head off with it's teeth! (not unless the thing is ON something) As it was, not ONE rescuer had yet reached the rescuey.

tell me if you want more!
:)

[Vixen Evenstar]

ummm....ok, so no one is interested??? no one even looked in here??? Awww...nuts...:(

[HLGStrider]

Give us time give us time

I've been gone for a week. . .very interesting. . .
You should try my Ridiculous story game (In Lighthearted RPG. . .your type of writing).

Si, want more!

[YayGollum]

Yikes! sorry! I have no idea why I haven't noticed! I'm an evil person, I guess. oh well. You know that I happen to think that this is a good story. *runs away*

[e.Blackstar]

ROTFLMFAO!!! Great!!!! More, more!

[e.Blackstar]

Well? is anymore forthcoming? Please?:confused: :D

[Katie Bell]

Give me chance, i don't know my round yet, i'm a newbie. But what i've read sounds good, a little bit weird but good.

~*Katie*~:cool:

[Vixen Evenstar]

Olecc brushed sweat off his forehead with his sleeve, he cleaned his sword off on the shirt of the hero that lay at his feet.
He studied him and gave a snort of disgust. Fair hair, Blue eyes, hair tied back with a green band, very handsome of course.....they where all the same!
Olecc eyed the heros tights with disgust and wondered what would posses a man to wear pants like that. And he was supposed to be the bad guy!
"Im not a cross dresser at least..." He mumbled, and sauntered back inside the castle, leaving the dead hero for Corky.
"Well my boy..." an old cracked voice sounded behind him. "Had your fun with another hero i suppose?"
"Yes i suppose..." Olecc looked bored, "wish another knight would come...it's been awhile-"
he stopped as a voice rang out outside.
"Come fould and corrupt knight! Do battle with me!"
"Oh goody!" Olecc cried, "a knight!" he bolted outside, sword in hand. The Wizards thick white brows went up "You know, I think I'll go watch. Pek?" A brown and white weasle launched himself from the table and landed on his shoulder.
"Righty ho, sirrah!" It squeeked, "Lets go watch Olecc open his tin like a can of Sardines!"
Cirroth shuffled outside, where a tall knight all in silver armour stood across from Olecc.
"Oh good." Cirroth sat down creekily with a smile, "another mirror! Don't damage the chest plate Olecc."
The knight squeeked and clanked over to him and cocked his head on one side. "I suppose you the evil wizard?"
"Thats right." Cirroth didn't seem to notice the knights sword was an inch from him head.
"Well, thats an evil and corrupt knight, a horrible dragon....and a nasty old wizard." He sounded vexed.
"nasty?" Cirroth looked indignent, "I am most certaintly not.
"You.." the knight said blandly, "havn't had a bath in weeks."
"Months" He correctedhim.
"Can we get on with this?" Olecc whined, "It's almost dinner. Im hungry..."
"So sorry." The knight's voice dripped with sarcasm." shall we hurry things up..? You had better kill me now...wouldn't want you to miss dinner..."
Olecc blinked, he had heard threats, noble speaches, and a lot of other drivl from knights...but he hadn't yet come across a sarcastic one....
"fine" he snapped, and swung his sword.
The knight blocked it and the fight had begun.
"well now..this is an odd..one, no mistake." Cirroth observed
"Ho yes." Pek agreed, "sarcastic knights and all that."
A few minutes later Olecc had the odd knight on the ground, he reached down and yanked his helmet off.
"Good show!" The knight had green eyes, curly black hair and red lips, Olecc's own lip curled in disgust. "you may be a stinker but you can fight alright." The knight told him.
Olecc slowly took of his glove, then he smacked the knight with it.
"Owch!" now there was a red mark on his perfect brown skin. "what was that for?!"
"because your annoying."
"Olecc!" Cirroth's voice rang out loudly, "Shame on you! You NEVER hit a man when he's down!"
The wizard jumped up, "You kick him!" he ordered, "it's far easier." then he gave the knight a sharp toe in the side and limped back into the castle (he had forgoten the knight still had armour on) "come in when your done with him" he called over his shoulder, "you have a floor to mop!"


__________________

[Marah Seph]

Lol! I like your story. Great fun! I wish that I could come up with things like that. I do love to play with words. But coming up with a story and all... to much brain work. Unless of course it is for English. The last story i wrote was about a cop, and a bomb, and the cops erm injury. hahaha. I didn't even tell the readers what happend to that unfortunate soul. I could decide if I wanted her to live or die.... anyway, any more of that story coming along?

[Vixen Evenstar]

Later on Olecc came in, blood dripping off his sword.
"Your getting the floor all wet!" snapped Cirroth, "take the mop and clean up the mess! And clean off your sword too!"
Olecc grabbed a rag and wiped off his sword, "yeah ok, Yuck! What ARE you doing???"
Cirroth threw some nasty looking green stuff into the bubbling cauldren, "making a potion. Pass me the Newts eyes will you?"
Olecc passed him the jar with a grunt of disgust.
"I thought that kind of stuff was for witches"
"Well why should they have all the fun?" the old wizard grumbled and waved a hand at his apprentice, "monkey brains!"
Olecc gagged and passed him a glass vile.
There was a sudden rapping at the side door, Cirroth glanced over in mild annoyence, "Olecc.."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"If it's a knight or a hero let Corky deal with it. You need to get mopping."
Olecc wined a bit and then yanked open the door,
"Do you know where i can find the dragon?" the knight at the door asked.
"Oh sure" Olecc waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the tower. "Highest tower in the castle. You can come in and climb the stairs, but you'll have to deal with the evil wizard first...or you can somehow climb the tower wall."
"I'll try the wall" The knight said "Thanks so much!"
"Any time" Olecc closed the door and grabbed the mop, and then he stopped, his mouth hung openand his eyeballs bugged out.
"You look rather silly" Pek informed him, the weasle jumped off Cirroth's shoulder and began to wash himself like a cat.
Cirroth turned to look at Olecc, "whatever is the matter Olecc, you look like you've seen a ghost......havn't seen to many lately you know...hmmm." He tugged at his beard, "maybe that garlic I left out did the trick."
"Thats vampires." Pek told him firmly, "and this is not a ghost story.......so the topic is closed."
"Oh...." Cirroth hurumphed and turned back to his potion, "sorry."
"T-t-t" Stuttered Olecc.
"What?" Cirroth grumbled, "spit it out"
"That knight!" he squeeked, "thats the same on i just killed!"
"Well!" Pek said scornfully, "you didn't do a very good job of it...because he didn't STAY killed!"

He must be one of those immortal knights!" Olecc screeched
"I can't deal with those! They always come back!"
"Sounds like those pesky salesmen i sometimes get..." Cirroth nodded thoughtfully to himself.
Olecc grabbed his cloak off the hook on the wall and started for the door, "I don't do immortal knights!" he yelled over his shoulder, "they drive me crazy! Call me when he's gone!"
Cirroth shrugged and went back to his cauldren, muttering to himself, "Double double, toil and trouble, cauldren boil, cauldren bubble! Always wanted to say that...."
Meanwhile the knight was not having the easiest time of it. After beating off half a dozen heros and the odd knight who all seemed set on relieving him of his rope, he was making a vain attemp to throw the rope up to the window in the tower, the bloody thing didn't reach.....
A lady leaned out the window and dropped her hankerchief on him, which didn't help much,
"Catch the rope!" he hollered up to her
"Fair knight!" the princess called down, "are you not going to bid me to let down my golden hair?"
"Your hair? Come on!" he yelled back, "be practicul!"
"But it's not romantic-"
"Just catch the stupid rope!"
"NO!"
The dragon solved the problem for both of them, it swooped down and caught the rope in it's claws.
"Hurry up!" It roared, "I havn't got all day!"
The knight shrugged and grabbed the rope, he hauled himself up, hand over hand until he was at the top of the wall, and found himself staring straight into the golden eyes of the biggest, reddest dragon he had ever seen.
"Yum!" it said...
The knight made a noise that sounded like "Urp!" and grasped his sword tightly.
"Ahhh.." The dragon reared up on it's back legs, "good, a knight..Im sick of heros! Thats all it ever is lately! Day and knight! heros heros heros! haha..little joke there...day and KNIGHT...i said it with a K, you know."
"Haha." The knight in silver armour said politely "Do you mind if we get on with this?"
"Oh...sorry. Right away." Said Corky, and he blew fire all over the knight. Now dragon fire can destroy nearly anything, and the knights armour melted like ice cream on a hot day, he was left standing there with a hilt in one hand, (the blade of his sword was gone) looking a little black and crispy. He coughed and staggered past the dragon and into the tower.
Poor Corky was left to wonder if his fire was working allright.
"Your supposed to be dead!" the red dragon sounded rather put out. "Burnt to a little pile of ashes!"
"Sorry" The knight looked around for the princess and found her sleeping on the bed.
"Err...come on..wake up..." he poked her in the shoulder and she sat up glowering at him.
"Your supposed to wake me with a kiss you dolt!" Her blue eyes snapped and her small red mouth was pouting at him.
"Hff!" He said, and grabbed her rist, hauling her out of bed, "You don't even know what fairy tale you in!"
"Your not very chilverous, fair knight!"
"Would you stop calling me that! My name is Frank."
"FRANK?"
"Its short for Francis..." He said crossly.
"It's unromantic!"
"Shut up!"
Back in the wizards study Cirroth grew bored of muttering spells over his cauldren, "You know Pek," He said," It's all so old! Im sick of being a wizard! It's been done so many times..."
"Well!" Said Pek, "get a new hobby!"
"Yes...but what?"
Before Pek could suggest anything the door flew open and Frank and the princess rushed in.
"There's the evil wizard!" The princess, who was in front, pointed dramatically at Cirroth, "Strike him down! Put an end to his evil rain of terror over the innocent villagers!"
"Im not raining anything.." Cirroth said crossly, "and if i where to rain something it wouldn't be terror....." her muttered to himself, "so old...."
Frank looked at the wizard and shrugged, "sorry about this..she insisted i was supposed to charge in here and kill you.."
"Hmmm...did you kill Corky?"
"What? The dragon? Nah, it's still sitting there breathing fire on heros to reassure itself."
Cirroth nodded, "Oh well, then take her and go."
Frank's green eyes widened, "You arn't going to stop me?"
"Why should i. I have no need of a damsel in distress...not really."
The knight was looking a little pannicked now, "Well why did you have her in the first place?"
"They where all the rage. All the evil wizards and dragons and warlords had them!"
"Oh...ummm" Frank shuffled his feet and looked over at the princess, who had her arms folded, her foot was tapping immpatiently on the stone floor.
__________________

[Marah Seph]

Oh, I do enjoy your story. Did you know that it really helps with a bad mood? It does. It's dark, its not politically correct, not to mention funny... wonderfull job!

[Vixen Evenstar]

Glad you like it. Im working on getting you more....now if i can just find where I put those files.....:rolleyes:

[Vixen Evenstar]

Aaah, here it be!

"So" the Wizard said in a conversational tone, "What are you going to do now that you've rescued her?"
"Uuuummm...well,er, I guess.."
The princess inturupted him, " You don't know ANYTHING!! You are to take me to your castle and we will have a glorious wedding and live happily ever after forever!" Then she stamped her foot and added, "You idiot!"
Cirroths eyebrows shot up, "now why in the world would you want that?"
"Ummmm... good point."
Frank shuffled over to the door and threw it open. He came face to face with a surprised hero, who had his hand upraised, just about to knock on the door.
"Errr..." said the hero.
"Here!" said Frank, and shoved the princess into the hero's arms.
"Garrath!" The princess cried.
"Isabella!" The hero cried, "my love!" he said.
"My dear!" she said.
"Yuck!" said Frank.
And slammed the door.

"well." Cirroth "That went well."
"uh..." Frank sat down on a nearby bench and looked depressed. "She wasn't supposed to be like that. I came all this way for nothing."
"Well at least you got rid of her nicely."
"I suppose." he didn't look any more cheerful.
"I suppose...that something could be conjured up as a boobie prize...." Cirroth rubbed his wiskered chin thoughtfully.
"Im not a boobie." Frank said indignently
"Oh come on. You come all this way, fight an evil apprentice, climb a wall, fight a dragon and then you hand the princess you rescued to the next hero who happens to waltz by, and your telling me your not a boobie?"
"Well maybe a bit of one..."
Cirroth nodded, shrugged, sighed and then shuffled over to a table in the nearby corner. "I'll give you a Weasel." he decided.
"A Weasle?" Frank followed him to the table, "thats supposed to make me feel better?"
Cirroth opened a cage containing a large brown and white Weasle. "Wait a minute, it will be a very special Weasle." He grabbed it and placed it on the table, it's brown eyes darted with unintellegent fear and it was making a nervous chattering sound.
Frank eyed it doubtfully. "I see."
Cirroth waved a hand over the Weasle's head and chanted,
"Smoke and fire and wind and rain
the princess was a bit of a pain
good and evil and truth and lies
give this knight a boobie prize
give the mute the power of speech
the ability to learn what Frank will teach"

The Weasle blinked, grinned with it's Weasle lips (an interesting sight) and looked at Frank and said, "Top 'o the mornin to you, old chap!" Frank stared, mouth hanging open and Cirroth scowled, "No matter what I do they all have English accents! Iv'e been working on it for ages!"
Frank regained the use of his tongue, "thats alright! He's perfectly wonderful!"
"Perfectly!" The Weasle agreed.
The knight grinned as the Weasle leapt on to his shoulder,
"Shall we move on, old chap?" it asked him.
"Yes of course." Frank shook the Wizard's hand enthusiastically. "Thanks loads! I'll come and visit you sometime!"
"The Weasle hasn't a name." Cirroth pointed out.
"Vin!" the Weasle said promptly.
"Pardon?"
"The name is Vin."
Frank shrugged, "Sounds good to me."
Cirroth nodded and turned back to his cauldren with a sigh.
Frank reached for the door handle, then hesitated, "You don't seem very happy. Is something wrong?"
"No." he said sharply.
Frank turned to leave and Cirroth said "Yes!" even more sharply.
The knights green eyes where half shut as he turned back and studied the Wizard, "I thought so."
"Im bored! Terribly utterly bored with being a wizard!" Cirroth threw his hands up and the stirring spoon flew through the air, nearly knocking Vin off Frank's shoulder.
"Well then be an mage, or a sorcerer! Or you could even be a GOOD guy!"
Cirroth wrinkled his nose in distaste, " No, those are all boring. And Im not the good guy type."
Frank looked around for inspiration and his gaze fell to Vin.
"Sell Weasles!"
"What?"
"Weasles! Talking Weasles! I know men who would pay a handsome price for magicul talking Weasles!"
"How handsome?"
"Very."
"Hmmmm..." I don't have very many Weasles...."
"How many?"
"Just this old boy and a female over in the cages."
"Well." Frank said dryly, "A Weasle shortage shouldn't be a problem then..."
"Of course!" Cirroth snapped his fingers, "I'll be a Weasle breeder! A magicul Weasle breeder! It has a lovely ring to it!"
Pek cleared his throat, "Say what?"
Cirroth patted him on the head absentmindedly. "It'll be fun" He said to himself.
Seeing Cirroth was quite taken with the idea and looked satisfied, Frank trotted out the door with his Weasle.

Later on when Olecc came back he found Cirroth hauling Weasle cages around and the old man said he was out of a job. However, he rehired Olecc to clean the cages and feed the Weasles. Olecc wasn't happy about the Damsel in Distresse's escape. But luckly the heros where rather stupid, and never figured out that the princess, was in fact, long gone. They kept coming for years and Olecc was kept happily amused.

Corky, who's confidence was back, was rather perturbed about the lack of knights who came to rescue the nonexistent princess (the knights where a trifle smarter then the heros and most of them figured things out) However, he could not complain about going hungry. And so the village at the bottem of the mountain gained a Magic Weasle Breeder, and the far away, and rather unfortunate, kingdome of Prerin gained a rather stupid hero and a very annoying princess.

THE END


__________________

[YayGollum]

The end? You're sure? *sniff*

[Vixen Evenstar]

Im sure. There is more you know. Or rather, another story. It hasn't got very much of Cirroth in it, But Corky is in it. If you like dragons of that sort....

[VioletFalcon129]

That was a funny story. Very good. I like it. If some one was immortal no matter what, you could keep "killing" them for a very long time. Hmmmmm. I wouldn't want to be that.

[YayGollum]

*sits and twiddles thumbs, waiting for a story about some crazy dragon*