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Aglarthalion
08-27-2003, 12:42 PM
This is a short story I have written recently for me Advanced English studies class for school; in fact I will be submitting it tomorrow. :) I've posted it in two parts because it is over the maximum length for a single post (10 000 characters, and the story is closer to 11 000).

~~~

: : ESPRIT DU LIBRE : :

: : LA VÉRITÉ VOUS PLACERA LIBRE : :

I slid into a doorway and waited, perfectly still. The floor was made of smooth stone, yet not so that I was unable to control my momentum as I slowed down. After letting my eyes adjust to the low light, the first thing I saw was that the spear gun which had been laying against the desk before was now gone.

It had only been an hour since I had last spoken with Fantôme, and although he had seemed friendly enough, I could tell that something was wrong. Looking around the laboratory, seeing again the fireplace and the tables arranged along the walls, all manner of random items adorning their surfaces; books, writing equipment, bottles of strange luminescent liquids, glass cylinders containing dusty material, and other bizarre devices, the purposes of which I did not know.

Picking up the extinguished pipe which Fantôme had been smoking earlier, I noticed that the ashes, the smoke of which he had earlier been consuming, were still smouldering in the base of the well of the pipe. Although Fantôme seemed to thrive on the stuff, I had never liked the smell of it. But I had learned to live with it when I came to see him, as I knew that to mention such a trivial matter would be foolish of me.

As I began walking around the dull granite pillar which was in the centre of the room, Fantôme, who had been looking out of a window near the fireplace, turned to face me, a look of gloom look etched on his hardened face. His steel eyes, while looking at me, seemed to be preoccupied with a heavy weight, as if there were some greater purpose demanding his attention. Holding his spear gun pointed towards the floor, he began to speak in a steady tone.

“Rivin”, he said, “I understand that your coming here was with the best of intentions, but I’m afraid this situation has often required of me a more primitive code of conduct than I might otherwise have chosen. Please forgive me being armed, but it is necessary for what may lie ahead. That said, I am glad you have decided to return. Your assistance will make the task much easier for both of us.”

Fantôme had always been a master of the monologue. But we both knew that it wasn’t time for discussion. I had met with Fantôme in order to recover the lost Puissance Crystal from nearby, but it was said to be well guarded for forces not of this world. Yet the prize was beyond any value, as it could enable it’s user to fly over short distances. It was for this reason that Fantôme wanted to obtain the artefact, so that his name would be remembered in history. All of his life, he had studied the Puissance Crystal, wanting to embrace it’s power. His lifelong patience and ambition had led him to the peak of Abyss Mountain, a mere thousand yards from the crystal’s final resting place on Libre Plateau. At times he’d been perhaps overzealous in his search, but now, when it was within his reach, he had used his time to calculate the risks. He had built his laboratory on a plateau opposite Libre Plateau, and had lived there for a year, preparing for what he had spent his life waiting for.

Finally, before making the final step, Fantôme had come to me, I knowing that I was one of the few people Fantôme had respect and trust for, so that I would help Fantôme obtain the crystal. Together, said Fantôme, we could wield the crystal’s tremendous power, and be remembered in time. “For to be forgotten was worse than death”, Fantôme had said when he had first approached me, “And in remembrance comes immortality. You must free your mind, because the truth will set you free.”

From the desk, I took the gloves and goggles which Fantôme had provided for me for the mission.
“Well, it is now time”, I said. Looking at Fantôme, I could see he agreed, as his facial muscles flexed slightly in agreement.
“Yes. Let us go, and not falter in our step”, Fantôme responded, a grave determination setting into his demeanour as he stepped towards the doorway. Not the one which I had come through, which led to a path back down the mountain, but one on the opposite side of the lab, which lead to a small landing platform.

Following Fantôme through the doorway, I left the building. Looking out across the mercilessly high cliff face, I saw through the mist the harrowing darkness of Libre Plateau. I also saw on the edge of the plateau the platform where lay the end of the stone path which we were to follow from the plateau on which the lab was situated. Standing on the landing platform, Fantôme signalled me to follow, as he began to walk along the stone path which crossed around the edge of the abyss leading to Libre Plateau. At most our destination would have been a hundred yards away, but the nature of our location in the mountains meant that the path wound it’s way along a thousand yards of steep cliff face rock before we could reach the plateau.

Aglarthalion
08-27-2003, 12:44 PM
“Down there!” I said to Fantôme, while remaining focused on the light. I sensed him turn, and move in a hurry to where I was standing.
“Yes, that is it!” Fantôme said, his voice steady but with a definite edge of suppressed passion. “Come, let us take it!” With those words, we moved forward faster than we had previously been moving, but as we did so, the light morphed into a dim insubstantial entity. Even before I could move a step further, it had moved toward us, and took on form of a dark, hooded figure. I could not see it’s face, but I could sense it was not so much human as a supernatural presence.

Without pause it lurched towards Fantôme, who seemed to react in slow motion. He lifted his spear gun, and fired, but the bullet appeared to pass through the shadow, which proceeded to move unhindered. And then a truly horrifying began to happen, as the entity began to pass into Fantôme’s body, suffocating him, swallowing him. I stood silently, entranced, bound by the awful process of transfiguration which was happening before my eyes. It must have taken Fantôme a great effort, because as he began to disintegrate, he looked at me, nodded, and threw me his spear gun. I grabbed it from the air, charged the barrel, and fired, all in a singular movement, towards the shadow, and what remained of Fantôme.

The recoil from the gun pushed me back slightly. At first I didn’t notice what was happening, but then I saw all too clearly. The bullet hit Fantôme in the chest, and as it entered his body, the shadow immediately seemed to let Fantôme go. Fantôme looked down at his torso, then at me, and he managed to smile. He then fell down, and I could see that his life had gone from him. But there was not time for remorse. The shadow started towards me, and I could sense it’s evil gaze looking through my very soul.

Yet as I prepared to fire again, the shadow stopped, and then came a horrendous roar from within the darkness of it’s being, as it evaporated. It transformed into the purple mist which Fantôme and I had encountered before, the haze then exploding into a cloud of dust particles which burned my throat. I couldn’t move. Dazed, I fell to my knees, then to the ground, consciousness draining from me. I cannot tell how much later I came to my senses, and found the will to stand up. After realising again my surroundings, I moved to find Fantôme’s shattered body. But to my immense shock, it was nowhere to be seen.

I then faltered. Regaining my balance I turned towards the Puissance Crystal, from which I saw once again a glowing stream of intense light. Walking towards it, mesmerised, I reached down and picked it up from the ground. The object itself was quite spectacular; a smooth glass orb, flawless in it’s design and structure. I held it, then, even as I was admiring it’s fine surface, it faded. Confused, I closed my hand, thinking it was a trick of the light, but I felt nothing. Looking around to see if it had materialised somewhere else on the abandoned plateau, I saw nothing. I walked around for awhile, but my search proved fruitless. The Puissance Crystal was no more. I didn’t so much feel any great pain at the loss, as I am sure Fantôme would have, but I felt alone, isolated, forgotten; disconnected from the world.

I stood for a few minutes lost in a whirlpool of random thought. Then, I turned to leave for the lab, from where I would then leave to go back the place that I had come from. But before I was able to take a step, a faint glimmer in the sky caught my eye, and I looked. Pulling my goggles down over my head and adjusting the zoom, I saw the ghost of Fantôme, flying higher and higher against the indigo at a great speed. And then he slowed, looked down towards me, and nodded. And then he was gone.

***

And now, 12 years later, I remember Fantôme. I’m probably the only one who does. He wasn’t a man who was known for being a hero, a champion, or a leader of men. Fantôme died on the Libre Plateau, and he was forgotten by all but one person. And I know that through his riven memory, he lives on. The truth has set Fantôme free.

***

And now, 12 years later, I remember Fantôme. I’m probably the only one who does. He wasn’t a man who was known for being a hero, a champion, or a leader of men. Fantôme died on the Libre Plateau, and he was forgotten by all but one person. And I know that through his riven memory, he lives on.

~~~

Feedback, criticisms, etc., would be appreciated. :)

Aglarthalion

Zale
08-27-2003, 10:46 PM
Very impressive narrative style. It creates an atmosphere straight away. The plot (such as a short story has, anyway), although not particularly novel, is well-realised and interesting.

Aglarthalion
08-29-2003, 02:20 PM
Thanks, Zale. :) The plot would have been more original and detailed, if I'd been allowed the time to make it so, though (the story had a limit of 2000 words). ;)

Eledhwen
08-29-2003, 08:08 PM
A very good read, and not a pale copy of some other story I might have read. Keep it up.

Perhaps in the future you could spin it out to a full length sci-fi novel, building up the pro/antagonist, their adventures and their relationships, so that readers are really gutted at Fantôme's passing.

Zale
08-30-2003, 01:21 AM
That's the good thing about short stories. You can always go back to them later to expand and twiddle.
The famous '2001: A Space Odyssey' started life as a short story.

Aglarthalion
08-30-2003, 03:23 AM
Originally posted by Eledhwen
A very good read, and not a pale copy of some other story I might have read. Keep it up.
Thanks. :)

Perhaps in the future you could spin it out to a full length sci-fi novel, building up the pro/antagonist, their adventures and their relationships, so that readers are really gutted at Fantôme's passing.
Yeah, I had been thinking of maybe doing that at a later stage. I actually have a few ideas which involved the two characters, and I decided upon this one after building some ideas about their relationship and past events in my my mind. So yeah, maybe I'll write my ideas and story into a novel of greater length sometime in the future. ;)

Zale - I didn't know that, but that's an interesting fact. :)