A Fairy Tale. . .Elgee goes Grimm. . .

[HLGStrider]

After reading through a volume of Grimm’s Fairy Tales I got for Christmas, I began to see similarities and find a style I felt was common to all of them (style probably due to them all being recorded by the Grimm fellows), and I made an attempt to copy style and substance, plus with a pinch of the original, and make an honest to goodness fairy tale! This is what I came up with. I just call it fairy tale, but I’m sure it has a name. Maybe The Princess and Lady Death. . .? Well, let’s see what you think. Here it is!



Once upon a time there was a lovely Princess who loved a young soldier named Matteo. He was tall with deep, dark eyes. She loved him dearly and would watch him from her tall tower, but he never looked up to see her. Matteo cared only for fighting and sword play.

When war broke out between the Princess’s country and another land, Matteo left to fight. The Princess cried all night and all day and was most unhappy without him.

A year later, however, the war was over, and the army came home. The Princess dried her eyes, put on her prettiest dress and stared out her window, counting the soldiers as they came in. Some were missing, but she kept looking and hoping to see young Matteo. Finally all the soldiers were there, but Matteo was no where to be seen. The Princess sent for her father and begged him for a list of the soldiers who had come home. The King supplied the list, and Matteo was not upon it. She sent her servants among the soldiers to look for and ask about Matteo. None knew about him. Some had seen him fighting bravely, but none had seen him be killed or captured.

The Princess wept heavily, but since she knew not whether Matteo still breathed, she determined to find out. The Princess loved her brave soldier too much to believe he had died. She would go to find him.

The Princess left her tower in disguise that night, leaving only a note for her parents and taking on three spare dresses—one as red as rose petals, another as blue as the morning sky, and the third white and pure as fresh fallen snow—three loaves of good bread, and a purse of gold coins.

She went among the soldiers dressed as a serving girl and asked them all if they knew of Matteo, but none had seen him since the great battle. The Princess sighed wearily and went on her way. She finally sat down to cry by the roadside.

Along hobbled an old soldier who had lost a leg in the war and walked on a long sword for a crutch.

“Why do you cry, my pretty one?” he asked.

“I have lost my Matteo and have been left with not even a grave to cry upon, so I cry by the side of the road instead,” she wept.

Now the old soldier took pity upon this fair girl who loved a fellow soldier so deeply. He could see that her hands were fair and white and that her tiny feet had seldom walked on ground harder than soft carpets.

“My fair one, I see that you are not a maid but a lady of high birth and more importantly noble heart. I know not where your Matteo may lie, but a great soldier deserves a great love. I will aid you in discovering him. Take my sword; it carries a magical gift and can cut to the truth of any situation. May it guide you to your beloved Matteo.”

The Princess thanked the soldier and gave him a handful of golden coins.

Then the little Princess took to her feet, strapping the great sword across her back. She started towards the country where the battle had been waged. The little Princess’s feet hurt upon the hard stone paths, and she cried with every step, but she kept her heart set upon Matteo. Praying for his safety, she continued.

As she reached the battlefield, the sky became filled with many carrion birds, squawking their ugly songs and rejoicing in the deaths that had been. The Princess shut her eyes to them.

She then heard a cry of terror and turned to find a large, black vulture swooping down upon a baby lynx. The lynx was screaming for help, and the Princess acted quickly. She ran upon the vulture, shrieking as loud as she could so that the vulture took fright and flew far away. The Princess gathered the little lynx in her arms and comforted it.

Just then a great lynx, larger than the Princess herself, appeared, teeth bared. The Princess shook with fright, but the little lynx jumped from her arms and ran to greet his father.

“You have saved my son; your heart is pure and kind,” the great lynx said. “In return for your kindness, I give you the ability to understand all tongues of bird and beast. May you find all you seek.”

Soon the Princess came upon a field of unmarked graves. Each held the body of a lost soldier, but there were no names upon the stones, and the Princess feared she would never know whether Matteo was interred under this ground. Depressed by this hopeless search, she sat among the graves and cried.

Now the Prince of the country that the Princess’s country had fought was also this day upon the battlefield, visiting the graves of his soldiers as a good prince will. When he spied the lovely maid upon the rows of graves, he immediately fell deeply in love with her for her beauty and sadness. He sent his favorite servant to bring her to him.

The servant approached the Princess and began in very flowery terms to praise her, entreating her to return with the Prince to the palace and there become the happiest of brides, but the Princess would only cry and shake her head, and the servant returned empty-handed. The princess ate her first loaf of bread and slept that night among the graves, crying even in her sleep.

The next day the Prince returned and, finding the maid again upon the graves, he grew even more determined to have her. He sent the servant again, this time with gifts of fair jewels and rich foods, but the Princess would have nothing of such offers, and again the servant was forced to return empty-handed. The Princess ate her second loaf of bread and slept once more among the graves.

Now on the third day when the Prince returned and found the weeping maid, he grew quite impatient with his servant who, favorite or not, had failed to win the girl with flattery or gifts. He rebuked the servant sharply and said that if this time he returned without the Princess he would be stripped of his fine clothes and demoted to swineherd.

Now the servant was fond of his fine clothes and easy work and so resolved that, if he could not win the maid by conventional ways, he would resort to great trickery. This servant possessed one great magic and that lay in his horse. This horse was gifted in that if any but the servant dared to sit upon it, they would become hard fastened to the seat and be unable to move without the servant’s word. Now the servant plotted to get the Princess, by any means, to sit upon this horse, and then with her unable to leave, lead her by force to his Prince.

The little Princess knew nothing of magic horses, but she cared not for the servant, and when he offered her a ride upon its back, she shook her head and continued crying for her lost Matteo. A less desperate man than the servant would have given up then and there and become a swineherd, but the servant had not become the Prince’s favorite by being easily beaten. He sat beside the Princess and with kind words coaxed her to tell him why she wept.

Though the Princess disliked the servant, she was lonely for someone to listen, so she told him of her love for Matteo and how she had lost him among the graves. The servant, who was no stranger to deceit, hit upon a vile plan to trick the Princess out of her freedom.

“Why my fair maid, why did you not say this was the cause of your grief at once?” he said. “At the palace of the Prince’s father there is a great list of the soldiers who died in the war, both ally and enemy, and also many men who we captured rather than killed. Mayhap your Matteo still breathes and is held among these prisoners. My Prince wishes only your happiness, and if you would come upon my horse, I will take you to the castle and let you search for your darling there.”

All this, of course, was foul falsehood, for the servant knew nothing of lists and was well aware that his army had taken no prisoners, but his smile was so kind and the Princess’s hope so great that she embraced him with joy and agreed to go upon his enchanted horse.

Yet as soon as her hand touched the reins the sword on her back sensed the falsehood in the trap.

“Lies! Lies! Lies!” it screamed. “The servant’s heart is black and Matteo dwells not in the palace of the King!”

[HLGStrider]

The Princess fell back in horror, but the angry servant reached for her to force her to mount his steed. The magic blade leapt from the Princess’s back and cut off the servant’s head for his lies, and so he fell dead upon the ground.

Fearing that the Prince would wish to avenge the servant, the little Princess left the sword upon the field of graves and fled, weeping to leave any hope of being near Matteo.

The Princess rested in the forest nearby and ate her final loaf of bread. Having no more food and nowhere else to search, she despaired and fell into a deep sleep.

When she awoke, she heard voices coming from the tree above her. There sat two fat, old ravens, discussing the battle and because of the lynx’s gift, she could understand all they said.

“After the battle, we feasted well,” said the first. “I would say that there was none better off than we upon the field.”

“Nay,” said the second. “One indeed feasted better than we. Lady Death’s pantry was full, and she loves the taste of battle.”

“Aye, but in this battle she saw defeat,” the first said. “For as I was watching I saw a soldier with eyes dark and deep fighting as if to save the world. He was wounded many times, and finally he lay alone upon the field and Death came to claim him, but even against Death would he fight, and though Lady Death strove hard to, she could not lay hands upon his life.”

“What happened to the fellow?” asked the second, obviously much amused.

“The Lady Death could not take his life, but finding the youth so valiant and handsome, she determined to have him, living or dead. She took him away in a dark cloud, still breathing, to her dark realm. I have been told that she seeks to be his bride ere the week is out.”

And with that the laughing ravens flew away.

At this story, the Princess’s heart beat fast for the valiant soldier could be none but her Matteo. Her heart rejoiced that he still lived but grieved for she knew not how to reach the land of Lady Death.

Just then the horse of the servant appeared and bowed before her.

“My Princess fair,” it said. “You have freed me from the spell the bound me to a petty servant. It is to you I owe my allegiance. What is your desire?”

“I seek the land of Lady Death, for she has made off with my love and seeks to wed him before the week has ended,” she replied.

“Ah,” said the horse. “Then I must run my fastest, for it is many years’ journey to this land, and I must make it in a night. Climb on my back, Princess fair, and shut your eyes lest the wind blind you.”

And the Princess obeyed and kept her eyes shut though the wind rushed madly about her. Finally the horse’s feet again touched the ground and they were in a world with no land or sky, only darkness. The only thing either could see was the light through the windows of a great palace nearby.

Inside there was much noise though little gaiety, for the Lady Death was preparing to wed the soldier Matteo but would allow no happiness. You see, the Lady Death could not take Matteo’s life, but so that he would consent to marry her, she had taken his memories. All that he now knew was the gloom of the dark, cold palace. He could not remember sun or laughter or color, and the Lady feared lest any merriment would bring back such knowledge and make him wish to leave her.

Matteo sat upon a tall, hard throne, his eyes as cold as ice and his heart growing harder by the minute, he was so surrounded by the things of Death.

Now the Lady Death, though she hated the merriment of others, loved to throw parties for her own amusement, and she planned to have three grand parties in honor of her wedding. She wanted everything to be perfect and scolded her servants quite harshly at every chance. Because of this, when the Princess came to the door in her maid’s clothes and covered in dirt from sitting among the graves, they were happy to hire her to help them.

She was given to the cook and on the first day proved such a good worker that she was allowed to help prepare the food that would be served to the brave Matteo at the party. When the cook wasn’t looking, she slipped a handful of gold coins from her purse into the batter and the coins were baked into the cake.

When all was prepared she slipped away from the cook saying she would like to sleep during the party, but when she had reached her chambers, she bathed and put on the dress as red as rose petals. She then slipped in among the guests and joined the party.

Now the Lady Death and all her guests wondered at the fair stranger in her rich gowns, but Matteo kept his eyes upon his feet. When it came time to eat, the Lady Death took the knife and cut the cake. Immediately she spied a coin, sticking out of the frosting. She kicked the cake onto the floor in a rage. When Matteo inquired why she behaved thus, she replied,

“It was far too salty. Nothing less than perfect must pass the lips of my love.”

So the guests of Lady Death went hungry, but none cared for the joy of watching the lovely Princess, and the Lady’s party was spoiled for her.

Before the night ended, the Princess slipped away, smeared her face with soot, and once again put on her peasant clothes.

The next day the Lady Death searched the kitchens, determined the second party would not be ruined, but in her disguise, not even her own mother would have known the Princess. Again the Princess was set to make the great cake, and again she slipped in a handful of golden coins.

Once more she left for her room, this time donning the dress as blue as the morning sky.

Again the Lady Death and all her guests wondered who she was, but again Matteo sat listlessly and did not see her.

When it came time to eat, the Lady Death took even more care than before cutting the cake, and sure enough, her knife hit a gold coin. Once more she kicked the cake to the floor, and when Matteo asked why, she replied,

“It was too sweet. Nothing less than perfect must pass the lips of my love.”

So for the second nights the guest of Lady Death went hungry, but they were too busy watching the lovely Princess to care.

After this the Lady Death flew into a great rage and swore she would find what mischief was afoot. She herself supervised the baking of the cake, watching so closely that it was all the Princess could do to slip one small coin, smaller than a penny but still of pure gold, into the batter. The Lady saw none of this and left the kitchen satisfied that the party would be a success.

For the last time the weary hearted Princess clothed herself in rich gowns, this time in silk as pure and white as new fallen snow. She prayed that somehow, someway, Matteo would know her tonight, for this was her last chance, and in the morning he would be wed to Lady Death and lost to the living world forever more.

Once more she stepped into the ballroom and all the guests were dazzled by her beauty as she danced. The Lady Death ignored this and went straight to the cake, causing all to stop their dancing and watch her. She took greater care than ever before, cutting the cake into such tiny pieces that she was sure no coin could escape her knife. Finally satisfied, she took the smallest piece there was—it seemed less than a forkful—and set it before Matteo.

The young soldier took a bite of cake and froze as if turned to stone, for he could feel a piece of gold against his tongue. At the touch of the warm, living gold all his memory came floating back and he saw the Princess. The Lady Death called to him, but he could not hear her. He arose from his throne, strode across the room, and knelt before his King’s daughter.

“My Princess,” he said. “Why are you here among this evil company? Your father would not be pleased.”

She burst into tears and told him the story of her search. When the soldier heard how far she had come and all she had gone through for his sake, the ice of Lady Death about his heart melted and love awoke. He arose and kissed her, begging her forgiveness for his prior neglect.

Now when the Lady Death heard this, she was enraged and called for her soldiers to kill them both, but faster than the soldiers was the enchanted horse which sprang into the ballroom and took the lovers upon his back. Faster than the wind it flew, and when they opened their eyes, they were once again in the courtyard of her father.

The grateful Princess freed the loyal steed who galloped off into the sky never to return.

Matteo and the Princess, however, were wed the very next day and lived long and happily in love for the rest of their lives.



--The End--

[Hammersmith]

Wow...that's inspiring stuff. I have a sudden desire to go read Grimms :D
I was a bit disappointed that the funky sword didn't make a reappearance, but top marks, nonetheless. How long did that take you?

[Morohtar]

Very, very, very, very nice. Awesome. Gnarsometastic!

Well done. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

Kudos.

[HLGStrider]

How long did that take you?

Honestly, I can't remember for certain. I wrote it in my diary in one sitting, however, as opposed to on the computer, so I think it was probably about an hour and a half.

[HLGStrider]

I wonder if there is a niche in the publishing world for new fairy tales. . .they aren't what the kids book community seems to want nowadays. Fairy tales are VIOLENT. People lose their heads all the time. Fairy tales are rarely politically correct cause the girl gets married and lives happily ever after with the guy. Fairy tales tend towards archaic langauge that is beautiful, but most publishers want simple language. Blah. . .

[Hammersmith]

I could see that happening, actually, with perhaps an anthology of established and new writers recasting and inventing fairytales. I'd buy it. :cool:

[e.Blackstar]

Me like! And yeah, I'd buy that book too, Hammersmith.

[HLGStrider]

We'd all buy it! Let's write randomhouse right now! MU HA HA HA HA

[Zale]

Writing a fairy tale... Probably a lot harder than it sounds (as I've said before, my plots tend to breed on the page even as I watch) but Elgee, you seem to have managed it. I could nitpick ("things of death") but you could almost certainly do it better if you wanted.

Actually I'd buy the book too, if there was something by one of us it it :D I think there is a huge niche in the childrens' market for more violence and non-PC action. How successful would Harry Potter be without all the fighting in it? Conflict always makes things interesting, remember?

[HLGStrider]

I basically stole the style from Grimm, but the plot is mine.


I think it is a very good excercise to occassionally copy the style of another, to try to learn their tricks. I don't know how professionally advisable it is, but I don't usually write that way.

[HLGStrider]

Some nitpicking would be ok, actually. You can't improve without nitpicking, and if I feel like it I can always throw cyber tomatoes at you (You're lucky because rocks are Rhi's weapon of choice.).

[Hobbit-GalRosie]

That was a great fairy-tale! It's a lot like most of the fairy-tales I've read, which are mostly from Andrew Lang's collections, but he took several directly from Grimm, so yes, the style is probably closest to theirs but I think most fairy-tales have a pretty simalar feel to them. You also managed to tone down one of the most frustrating things about fairy-tales, that things just happen a certain way for no reason. Under duress some King promises his daughter to a snake, and for some unexplained reason he has to keep this promise, his daughter in fact insisting on it. I never liked that kind of thing. I don't like the little bit that appears in your story, but it wouldn't be a fairy-tale without it, so that's the same as saying I just don't much like fairy-tales. Anyway, I'd prefer if there were some reason why the princess knew the lynx cub was screaming for help before his father gave her the gift of tongues, or why the sword can lop off heads of its own accord, but that's just me. It gives it that fairy-tale air that you were clearly trying to evoke, and the story would suffer without it. That stuff is rampant in all fairy-tales, Grimm especially, but perhaps even more so that French lady Madame d'Aulnoy. Anyway, it is now my favorite fairy-tale, right ahead of Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and The White Cat and The Blue Bird (most probably don't know those last two, but they're pretty good).

Someone should so totally put together a collection of new fairy-tales. There was one rather fairy-tale-like story in a fairly recent short story collection, I can't remember who wrote it, but at any rate, it proves that modern authors can write that way, they just usually don't. We shall storm the halls of the great publishers of the world until they publish Elgee's story with others like it, in a beautiful leather-bound book with full-color illustrations! B-WA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

[HLGStrider]

I think I know the Blue Bird and I am certain I know the White Cat. Is the blue bird about a prince who visits a maid in that form after being enchanted by her evil stepmother or something like that?

[Hobbit-GalRosie]

Yeesh, I need to remember to check back on these threads more often. Yeah, the Blue Bird was something like that...I don't remember if it was actually the step-mother that enchanted him, but some evil witch did and if it wasn't her I think whoever it was was acting on her behest. My favorite part was actually after that when the princess is journeying in search of him, it had a hint of mytology to it, you know, and actually described the endless miles in ways that made my feet and heart ache in sympathy, and then the...crystal castle I think it was, though I could be wrong, where the prince was and with the chamber of echoes, it was just so beautifully described and as if it were something that everyone all ready knew about at the same time...I don't know why but I always find that device rather moving, you know, like I've rediscovered something wondrous that people have generally forgotten. It's probably the longest tale in the Lang collections, about 30 pages when they average 5-7 and are only 2 much more often than you'd think possible, Rapunzel (sp?) was only that length for example.

[Hammersmith]

Speaking of Fairy Tales, has anyone read (I think by Grimm?) The Three Brothers, or The Clever Tailor? Those are two of my all-time favourites :cool:

[HLGStrider]

I am sure I have read one and think I have read the other. I have read pretty much everything they collected in one collection or another, being a devourer of this sort of literature. There are so many tales that have names like "The Three Sons" that I'm not sure about that one. For instance, the one where each gets a gift from their father to seak the fortune with. One gets a sythe. . .sythe? ugh. . .the thing you chop wheat with?, the other gets a donkey, and the third (why I have always loved this story) a cat. They each make their fortune with these seemingly mundane objects, but the cat makes the biggest fortune.

Then there is a similar one where they all go off but instead of taking they are supposed to bring back the most useful thing and one gets a table that sets itself, the other a bag that fills itself, and I forget the third gift . . . a cow or horse that does something, I think.

Fairy tales are all very similar because of the way they are written. An old man sits at the fire and starts with something typical, something proven, and expounds from there, making the rest up. There are always so many versions because of this verbal heritage. I adore it.

Blue Bird was also one of my favorites because I think it has a scene where she cradles him while he is sleeping wishing she could have his heart back. I have always loved that scene, being so near and yet so far from the one you love is amazing.

Also, there is the Green Snake and White Bear stories, where a girl is given to a creature that she thinks is hideous and he visits her in the night as a handsome prince until she looks in the middle of the night (and she always looks) and then they are seperated because she broke the spell and has to find him . . .etc.

[Hammersmith]

The three brothers I referred to were soldiers returned from the war, helped a strange old man and recieved gifts; a purse that never emptied, a cloak of invisibility and a horn whose music made everyone dance and throng around. It went on from there, with a wicked yet beautiful princess, a kindly king and a nice moral.I'm tempted to try my hand at a fairytale actually. All this talk of them!

[Zale]

Good, these children's stories, aren't they? I have vague memories of all the ones mentioned so far. I've also got an ancient copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales - I think - in my room, I'll have to see if I can dig it up.

Coming up with an original yet traditional fairy tale in these days would be quite a challenge. Maybe we could make a competition of it.

[Hobbit-GalRosie]

That would be so cool Zale.

I've read all the tales mentioned except The Three Brothers (unless the Clever Tailor isn't the one I'm thinking of, I can't remember it very clearly) which is a shame because it sounds like exactly the kind of thing I love.

Elgee, I had forgotten about that scene, and I'm very surprised at myself. It was one of the most beautiful parts of the story, and a truly heart-wrenching moment. *sniff* I love it.

The others you mentioned are also among my top-favs, that one with the polar bear and then traveling all over the world on the backs of the four winds...classic. The title of the version I read in the Blue Fairy book was either East of the Sun, West of the Moon, or it might be the directions were the other way around. A Tolkienesque thought, isn't it? That was the location of the castle where the girl had to find her lover. I think I love the little glimpses of larger mythological ideas found in fairy tales more than absolutely anything else about them.

[HLGStrider]

I think the appeal is in the emotion. The stories do not have a lot of character depth, but the emotions involved are universal, and the lack of characterization allows the reader to project her/himself into the part, to be and feel that if you will.


Who doesn't want to find true love or make their fortune?

[Wraithguard]

MOST impressive. Once you begin reading it is difficult to stop. THAT is what makes a good book. Big words, fancy characters, and innovative storyline/script style is all good and can make it better, but the thing that truly makes a story successful is its appeal to the reader. One must make an attempt to give the reader what he or she wants and you have done a spectacular job. Congratulations!

[AraCelebEarwen]

WOOOOOW!!!:eek: I think you've got a winner ;) :D
I like the older style of righting, and that's a really good way to spend an hour (if what you said is true)!!! :rolleyes: ;) :D Keep up the good work!!! :)

And don't worry, if it was for sale, I'd be first in line :D