Evil Voodoo Peanuts and YOU

[Ciryaher]

Yes, it is true that you have also been afflicted with the accursed evil voodoo peanuts whirring about your head. They send subliminal messages from the Great Peanut (often seen wearing a monocle, a top hat, and holding a cane) into your brain and try and make you drink cheap beer.

But do not despair! There is a simple remedy for this accursed pestilence! All that is required is a single eggplant! Simply take your eggplant and move it around in the outline of Texas, and keep the purple vegetable with you at all times. Yes! You CAN be rid of flying Evil Voodoo Peanuts!

[Ragnarok]

And I thought I was the only one!

I will try your eggplant theory. Now let us celebrate our salvation with the adding of chocolate to milk.

[Talierin]

**WARNING**

DO NOT make eggplant lotion ever! It turns your skin purple!

I have done the eggplant thing, and it works! No voodoo peanuts for me!

[Dengen-Goroth]

I to know the power, potential, and success of this magical cure! I like many of you now have been a target of the great peanut, and used this for just three days. the dark peanut lord soon left. If you aren't satisfied with this product in two days we'll refud your money back!

[Eonwe]

help me! I woke up today with a peanut in my pants! I think its evil (it makes me do bad things!)

What do I do? Stick pins in it?

[Moonbeams]

So that's why my grandma made me eat eggplant! She knew about the great peanut all along!

[Tar-Ancalime]

*looks around* OH....i did get an eggplant didn't i!

[Talierin]

AGGGGGGH!!!!! I forgot my eggplant today and the Great Peanut tried to get me to drink bad beer!!! Luckily there was half an eggplant in the fridge at church....

[Ciryaher]

Evil Voodoo Peanuts not reason enough to use eggplant? Well, eggplant has many other uses, my friends!

Outline Azerbaijan and your eggplant will ward off Underpants Gnomes.

Outline the Pope's nose and all Pink Sand Leeches will bother you no more!

Outline Spencer County, Indiana and you will be assured of a restful night without fear of the Sandman's demented 2nd cousin, the Salt Man!

Many more uses of eggplant to come!

[Thorondor]

So that is how you get rid of underpants Gnomes!

Those evil little creatures have been terrorizing me for weeks with there dastardly scheme of:

1. Steal underpants
2. ???
3. Profit

[EverEve]

thank u for enlightening me, o great one. i will never drink cheap beer again! that eggplant thing really worked

[Bombur]

But what to do about the dancing potato? He has been terrorizing my dreams of late. I fear he is in cahoots with the peanut but he makes me consume large quantities of cheap Irish whiskey instead. I have tried the eggplant therapy, bu it doesn't work. Help me!

[Morwen]

Cir, what do I do about multiple personalities? Yessss precioussss, whatsss? (flash) Tell me fool, or I shall cut off your head and claim Monte Cristo and Mercedes for myself. (flash) Oh noble Brutus, tell me what must be done. (flash) *burp* Muahahahahaha *burp* (flash) Whew!

[Talierin]

To fend off the Great Dancing Potato, you must find Trumpy the trumped-nosed alien. He will eat the Great Dancing Potato for you.


some one has had too much english lit today......:rolleyes:

[Nimawae's hope]

Dang! Would someone give Morwen a remedy already! She's totally weird!!!!And its freaking me out.

Anyway here is a couple more uses for eggplant: To ward off Mr Nobody (you know the guy that screws up your life by breaking dishes, messing up your cable, and making the Internet go slower than a seven year itch)wear a split eggplant on your head for seven days straight (yes, this makes bathing difficult, but, hey, you gotta do what you gotta do). Then Mr. Nobody will not come near you for at least six weeks!!!Take my word for it, it really works! :D
Also to ward off the crazy, murderous rabbit from The Holy Grail make an eggplant suit of armour. Rabbits hate the stuff, and it works way better than regular metal armour (at least it didn't seem to work very well for those knights!) Hope this will help someone make their life a little safer:rolleyes:

[Tar-Steve]

Are all peanuts evil and voodoo? Is there any hope for me? When the peanuts come out, "verily I come to thee" is just about the only thought in my mind.


"time to go to work, get the underpants ....."

[Talierin]

I believe, from much research, that all peanuts have the potential to be evil voodoo ones, but only the rotten ones become them.

[Kementari]

Its still safe to eat peanut butter.. RIGHT?!

[Dengen-Goroth]

The age old quesion, which only the learned may now answer. Is it safe to eat peanut butter. I think when the peanuts are curshed, they just get more violent!

[Ciryaher]

Ahh, peanut butter is sanctified by the application of sugary substances, such as honey or jam (particularly blackberry).

Cure for split personalities: Take a teaspoon of water from the Ohio River. Mix this into a cup of apple cider, and then add 15 cucumber seeds. Dip your finger in this mixture and write HELP! backwards on your forehead. Then drink the remaining mixture to flush out the unruly personalities.

[Eonwe]

can somebody splain this thread to me? I feel like an 80 year old in the old folks home listening to the kids crack up about my colostomy...

[Talierin]

Well, let's just say it's the combination of Ciryaher's weird mind, me having watched too much Mystery Science Theater 3000, and the general strangeness of The Silver Dragon Inn. In other words, don't ask, just enjoy the ride!:D

[Orin]

The eggplant cure works everywhere except Texas. A small modification must be made if the patient resides within the post -1850 borders of Texas. Outlining Texas with the eggplant won't work here. Instead of outlining the shape of Texas with said purple veggie, one must outline the principality of Liechtenstien. The voodoo peanut affliction is especially terrible here because most don't know the shape of Liechtenstien. Heck, I don't even know if I spelled it right.

[Ciryaher]

Ahh, Texans! You all must always be non-conformists! But many thanks for bringing this important fact to Texans.

Wierdness is in the eyes of the beholder

[Lucie Baggins]

I don't want to sound thick, but whats an Egg Plant? :)

[Talierin]

An eggplant is a form of squash. It's purple, and well, looks like a squash. Look for one next time you're at the grocery store.

[Nimawae's hope]

Oh, geez!! Where have you been girl!?! An egg plant is a purple vegetable with a green leafy top. Go to your local grocery store and ask the vegetable man what an egg plant is. He should be able to tell you, and if he can't come and tell me. I'll then complain to the National Council of Vegetable Men that their members are not up to par!!! Then veggie man will be REALLY ashamed!!!:D

[Harry_Potter]

arrghh whyte and mackay

[Kit Baggins]

Umm, well, Lucie and I are English, you see. In the UK, for some reason, we call eggplants aubergines (sp?) ;) .

~Kit :p

[Nimawae's hope]

You're kidding!! I didn't now that they were called anything but eggplant, at least in English speaking countries! Well, you learn something new everyday!:D

[EverEve]

what do you guys call peaches? or is it the same over there?

[Kit Baggins]

Peaches are still peaches ;) . But zucchinis (sp?) are courgettes.

~Kit :p

[Ciryaher]

That sounds like Frenchie talk to me! :D

To the EggplantMobile!

[Nimawae's hope]

What's an eggplant mobile!?! Should I be frightened!?

[Talierin]

*Hands cir a package*

You must have a purple flowy cape if you are to drive the Eggplant Mobile!

[Fatty]

Well here's news for u, eggplants are also called brinjal!

[Ciryaher]

*wears the cape, grabs his ironing-board, and leaps into the EggplantMobile*

EggplantMobile = a vehicle shaped like an eggplant...duh!

[Nimawae's hope]

OH MY GOSH!!!! I was RIGHT I DO need to be frightened!!! An eggplant shaped vehicle!!! Hey! Wait a second!! Wouldn't that be aerodynamically hindering!!!!!??? (I'm assuming that you want this thing to go fast!)

[EverEve]

im feeling slightly afaid to...

[Ciryaher]

Listen, if I'm going to battle my nemesis, The Great Peanut (aka: Mr. Peanut, yeah the one with the monocle, cane, and top hat) then I have to have an Eggplant shaped vehicle to drive around the border of Texas.

[Kementari]

Meaningless post but: ROFL!!!!! :D

[Nimawae's hope]

LOL!!! GOOD ONE!!!! Since I'm not the great peanut I guess I have nothing to worry about! Unless eggplants are used to ward off weird people!:D

[Talierin]

Sigh, I really shouldn't read this thread at the library, everyone was looking at me weird this morning.......:rolleyes:

[Nimawae's hope]

Oh yeah! Be really careful doing THAT!!! Some libraries won't allow you to use the internet for those kind of past times! You have to RESEARCH or some stupid thing like that! And if you are caught breaking the rules you get in big trouble! (The librarians won't help you anymore, which can be BAD!!!) Luckily I use the comp lab, but if you start to crack up in there they think you've gone crazy or something! I've spit all over the computer screen before, because I was trying TOO hard not to laugh!!!!:rolleyes:

[Talierin]

Nah, my library is pretty relaxed with their restrictions. They even let you play mindless computer games. Heck, they don't get too mad when you make too much noise, heehee.

[Nimawae's hope]

*Shaking head*
Lucky, lucky, lucky!!!! So do you shower your computer screen!?!

[Talierin]

No, but I was making some really weird noises trying not to laugh.....:D

[EverEve]

am i the only one that finds that slightly disturbing?

[Nimawae's hope]

What do you mean Evereve? You're the one that's lost!:rolleyes:

Yeah, I make really weird noises too! I've had the whole computer lab staring at me before! Just a tad embarassing you know!!:rolleyes: :o

[Aerin]

I can just imagine Tal, standing at the library, making strange noises to keep from laughing...:D
*Ducks quickly to keep from getting whapped by Tal's Stick of Moderation* :D

[EverEve]

all i meant was people might have been staring at you because they found the strange noises you were making slightly disturbing.

[Ciryaher]

*drives up in his EggplantMobile and slides out on top of an ironing board*

I have returned from journeys into Kazhakstan to reveal more uses for your eggplant!


Use 1) Sit on an eggplant and sing "Low Rider" to ward of KGB goons.

Use 2) Mix eggplant paste with 1 teaspoon Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) and a can of Tab to ward off unruly Milwaukee beer-union workers

Use 3) Mix eggplant paste with dirt to satisfy angry German Nannies demanding you to give them a cup of imported Liechtensteinian Powdered Asphalt.

[Nimawae's hope]

LOL!!!!!:D Those are some good ones Cir!!!

Evereve, you have never heard a disturbing noise until you have heard ME!!! Or even worse MY GRANDMOTHER'S SNORES!!!!!!! Now THAT is disturbing!!! (I get chills just thinking about it!!):rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ;)

[EverEve]

lol!!! sorry nim, i'll be sure to keep quiet next time some one talks about making strange noises....

cir, how do you come up with this stuff?!??!?

[Ciryaher]

Ahh, if I told you, I'd have to take away your eggplant....

*sleds off on his ironing board and leaps into the EggplantMobile in search of more recipies*

[Nimawae's hope]

*Giggling nervously.* Uh..Evereve...I was just giving you a hard time! I'm notorious for doing that to people!! Sorry!:rolleyes:

[Thorondor]

Say Cir, are EggplantMobiles made by the same company that makes BeeMobiles? I had one for a while. I miss letting out a good "To the BeeMobile!" whenever I went anywhere.:(

[Ciryaher]

Ahh, I don't know *looks for a serial number or instruction booklet*

Ahh, here it is..."We-Own-You, Inc." Don't they manufacture security cameras?

*shouts when he notices the speedometer turning to eye him contemptuously*

[Nimawae's hope]

The speedometer is eyeing you!??!!:eek: :eek: Oh my gosh what are we going to do!?!

[Lorien]

That damn Great Peanut isn't leaving me alone and i've got a whole PILE of eggplants around me and none of them are broken or anything!!!! Oh woe is me what do i do?????:)

[Nimawae's hope]

*GASP* You aren't in the old borders of Texas are you (you know, the ones established around 1850)?? If that is the case than you may not be doing the right shape!! You need to trace the outline of Leukistan or some place like that! If you are still having difficulties then you may be doomed to a terrible fate!!!!

[Lorien]

No i'm in New York.....no where in texas......i'm in deep trouble

[Ciryaher]

Ahh, a Kazhakistanian Rabbi told me that the only way for people in New York to avoid the great peanut is to take a tablespoon of macadamia nut paste, stick it in a half-rotted cantaloupe (not sure of foreign name...) and smash it over a ripe eggplant. Hold your face over the mess for 5 minutes while listening to "Stairway to Heaven" played 50 times fast in reverse. Once this is finished, sprinkle kosher salt on the squashed cantaloupe/eggplant/macadamia nut paste.

NOW you may proceed with the standard eggplant-in-the-outline-of-Texas procedure. Sorry, New Yorkers, for the complexity...but it's the only way!

[Lorien]

It might just be easier to move away.:D

Status Report: Tried out weird ritual didn't work all that well cos i fell asleep listening to the satanic verses recited when Stairway is played backwards. Peanut got too close. Luckily i woke up in time as it was going to pour beer down my throat. Tried the ritual again and it was a success.....yay! i'm rid of the peanut but i'm going to move away so that i dontever have to do anything like that again. Found weird cloven-goat like tracks in my room where i did the ritual is it what i think it was or was it Satan?

[Nimawae's hope]

OH MY GOSH!!!! I'M never moving to New York!!! That is one scary tale man!!!

[Aerin]

I'm scared to go to New York now...;)
Do you know the remedy for Evil Voodoo Peanuts in Washington? :cool:

[Talierin]

ROTFL! I haven't read this thread in forever! Time for resurrection!:D


Cir, how do you ward off German Bed-makers?

[Nimawae's hope]

Oh GEE! I'm afraid to ask.....ok...here goes...what is a German Bed-Maker? Maybe if I know the precise definition I will be able to help!!:D

[Ciryaher]

A german bed-maker is a subspecies of German Nannies, but you need to add toothpaste to the eggplant/dirt mixture to target them more effectively.

After my long journey to a monastary in Nepal, where monks did indeed **** into clay jars, I have returned!

To ward of Muslim tea-pickers (an unruly lot), take your eggplant and put it between your ankles. Hold a croquet mallet in one hand, and a hard-boiled ostrich egg in the other, then fling the egg into the air and whack the eggplant with the mallet. When the egg hits the ground, dance around it twice screaming the lyrics to "Hey, Jude" at the top of your lungs.

[Aerin]

*Dances around, screaming wildly "THE EVIL VOODOO PEANUTS THREAD IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!"*

*ahem*

That's quite a complicated action you have to take against the tea-pickers; are you sure there isn't an easier way?\

And do you have a recipe to ward off Hell Kitties? :D :D :D

[Ciryaher]

There is no other way! *smites the non-believers with holy spoons of safoo*

Ahem, as I was going to say...*looks in his tome*

Hell kitties (Felis hellacious) may be warded off with a squirt-bottle filled with a mixture of 2 cups of water, and a teaspoon of rosemary. If this is not enough, smite the beast with a ripe egg-plant.

[Aerin]

MIKE!!!!!!!
*Begins thwapping Mike repeatedly over the head with a frying pan*
You stay away from my kitty!!!! It was only a joke!!!

*Runs off to hide kitten in a safe place where no evil people will find him ever*