Sauron's Point of View.

[Harad]

Sauron is a real villain but (because) we never get his point of view. Even in the case of Saruman we get a little of it because we hear him speak with Gandalf. (Not to mention Lurtz).

But what would Sauron be like:

1. Hot to get the Ring from the Shire. Giving instructions to the Nazgul...sitting around the Conference Table of Evil...or just mental images: "You Get Ring Shire Bagginssss." Possibly the latter is why the Nazgul screwed it up--incomplete instructions.

2. POed at the 9 Nazgul for their inability to get the OneRing off a four foot furry footed Frodo all alone in the idyllic defenseless Shire. Does Sauron have a temper?

3. Sending out messages to Saruman, Denethor, the Watcher in the Water, the Orc Captain in Moria, Each Individual Crebain, the Balrog: "Dear Balrog, If its not too much trouble, please watch the exit from Moria, kill anybody that uses it, and..oh yeah..send jewelry--yknow rings and stuff, for the Mrs."

4. Looking for Frodo on Amon Hen. "I got you my pretty and your little...Hey where'd he go? I am a complete dunderhead. I justabout knew where he was and who he was...but what the hay? I'll just return to that Evil crossword puzzle I was doing, and let it go."

[Tar-Palantir]

I can see him during the Battle of the Pelennor Fields staring into his palantir and screaming (sorta the way I do during Maryland basketball games) at the Witch King: "No, you idiot! Don't you dare land! That's not a man, it's a woman! And watch that sneaky little dude behind you!"

BTW, welcome back Harad. How'd it go with the Balrog? Did Gandalf make it sound harder than it was just to make himself look better?

[Diabless]

To the Ringwraiths:
"Get Frodo Baggins of the Shire!"
"Bring me the ring!"
"What happened to you guys? You're all washed up"
"Here, these flying creatures should help."
"What do you mean he did not have the ring! (orc shrivels up and is killed by The Eye)
"Oh no. They are in Orodruin. Do something!"
"My life is flashing before my Eye!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Noooooooooooooooooo. We were so cloooooooooooose." (Eye shrivels up and turns to dust)
- not half as funny as you guys:(

[Eonwe]

This is hard to do without swearing :)

I must say all I can think of now is how Hades acts in Hercules :)

Sauron: "So the elf maiden called up a wave from Ulmo"

Ringwraith: "Actually it was just the little guy on the white nassssty horse"

Sauron: "And let me get this straight. You ALL 9 fell into the water?"

Ringwraith (a loud screechy sound)

Sauron: "Give me 20".

[Harad]

"You ALL 9 fell into the water?"

Indeed. Just imagine the sheepish looks on the Nazguls' skulls.

Its like the original "Bedazzled" (the good one). Satan says, "These miserable sins that work for me. I suppose it must be the wages."

[Kuduk]

Sounds like Sauron could have used the 'Palantir 2002.' For more info, click on the following:

http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=41691#post41691

But then again, if he was spending all his time doing evil crosswords, it seems unlikely anything could have helped him...