Things LOTR Characters would never say

[Darkknight]

"Mr. Frodo, let's forget this whole cast the ring in Mount Doom thing and fry some onion rings."

[morning star]

You wore The Ring on your toe Mr. Frodo?--Sam
Toe rings are all the rage these days!---Frodo

[Kailita]

Eowyn: Oh no, it's all right, you Riders go on ahead. I'm going to sit home and clean house. Some of the girls are coming over and we're going to have a sewing circle!

[Wolfshead]

Frodo: Forget this whole ring quest, I never wanted the thing anyway.
Sam: No?
Frodo: No, what I always really wanted was to be a lumberjack!
singing "I'm a lumberjack and that's ok"... etc.
Haha :D

I'm thinking something along the lines of

Legolas: "I look like a ponce, don't I?"

Yes, I'm tired, I should not be allowed near a humourous thread in my current state :rolleyes:

[Kailita]

*Gandalf standing on Khazad-dum. Balrog walks up*

Gandalf--What...is your name?
Balrog--Valaruko.
Gandalf--What...is your quest?
Balrog--To carry out the will of Melkor
Gandalf--What...is your favorite color?
Balrog--Well, it's sort of a combination between dark, dark red and everlasting black...So I suppose it would be something weird, like...something without a name...
Gandalf--*thinks* Hmm...Alright, over you go
Haha! :D How did I miss that one the first time? That's great...:):D;)

[morning star]

Very right.....very right...

[Barliman Butterbur]

Frodo (in the Green Dragon): "Rosie, I'll have a bowl of matzoball soup, cheese blintzes with jam and sour cream, a pastrami on rye with kosher dills, and an egg cream."

[morning star]

Legolas: HI!(while staring at a female elf's boobs) My name is Legolas!!!!

[Morgoth]

Monty Python influence:
Boromir (to Aragorn, while stuck with arrows): 'Tis but a scratch (I think this has probably been done before, what with the sheer amount of Python fans there are on the site, but i couldnt be bothered to trawl through all the pages)
Gandalf faces down the Balrog at Khazad-dum
Frodo: You know when you said about seeing the markings on the ring
Gandalf: Yes....?
Frodo: I was only having a laugh

[Arathin]

That was hella hilarious!!!

and at least you put dearest Glorfindel in there instead of silly Arwen... (WHO SOOOO DID NOT SAVE FRODO!!!!!!!!!)

[e.Blackstar]

uh...

Arwen to Eowyn: Okay, this is it. One final catfight to decide it forever. Winner take all!

Theoden:Uh...Hama, you hold the gate, I'm gonna go ride out through the mountains and disappear.

*Gimli flipping around doing kung-fu* hehe

[eowyn57]

This one's for the X-Men fans:
Gandalf: You should have killed me when you had the chance, Charles.... what d'you mean i'm reading the wrong bloody script?Genius! Sheer Genius! Having just seen an interview with Sir Ian...I laughed my a&*$e off when I read this one!

Okay...how about this?
Sam & Frodo following Gollum, who is saying: Wake up, sleepies. Miles to go yet..."Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

[Arthur_Vandelay]

Gandalf, reading from the Book of Mazarbul: "Listen to this. I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving."

...................

Wormtongue: "Did you know that 'if' is the middle word in 'life?' Did you know that 'rum' is the middle word in 'Saruman?'"

..................

Imrahil: "Surely this is the greatest jest in all the history of Gondor: that we should ride with seven thousands, scarce as many as the vanguard of its army in the days of its power, to assail the mountains and the impenetrable gate of the Black Land! So might a child threaten a mail-clad knight with a bow of string and green willow!"
Gandalf: "Sauron don't surf!"

...................

Aragorn: Let's hunt some Orc!

[ingolmo]

Gandalf - I am no longer Gandalf the white. I am Gandalf of many colours.

Gandalf to Frodo <irritated>- Give me that ring! I'll take to Mordor! Humph!

Gimli (or any other dwarf)- I think I'll just climb up that comfy tree for a rest.

-Ingolmo