Things LOTR Characters would never say

[Tao]

Here we go...


Someone start, I'm not good at these things

[Lorien]

1.Me n'you baby, tonight my place, how about it?- GANDALF/frodo/bilbo
2.Lets get high man!- SAURON
3.I want to quit.- Aragorn/sauron/gandalf
4.Yeah right, kiss my ass!-Arwen/eowyn/theoden
5.My face, your ass boy!- anyfool to any ENT...

They're pretty bad but its the best i could do.

P.s. they're not all that rigid, you can flex the characters who wouldn't say it

[Tao]

It would make more sense if you said which characters wouldn't say that. :D

[Wood Elf]

Things they would NOT say:

Elrond to Aragorn: Sure, you can have her(Arwen), whatever man.

Legolas: Oooo! Let's jump in the mud puddle!

Pip: Me hungry? No thanks, I'll pass!

Hehe, this is fun! :)

[YayGollum]

'Sup dude?-Anybody
Gollum is the hero!-Anybody(mostly the evil Sam)
Good thing Gollum was there to help us out!-Anybody(mostly the evil Sam)
Praise Gollum with great praise!-Anybody

[tookish-girl]

Frodo -"Whoooa-whooooa, Oooh, thank goodness, I nearly fell over then, but regained my balance sucesssfully."

Gimli -"Aren't elves cool?"

Aragorn -"I think I'll go and shack up with Goldberry instead, she's alot less high-maintanence."

Merry -"Smoking is seriously bad for your health."

Sam -"Ah, Frodo, get lost, you wuss!"

Gandalf -"I didn't turn up to Bree, because I couldn't be bothered!"

Elrond -"Hey everybody! How are you today, I'm feeling just great!"

Pip -"I'm on a alcohol-free, calorie controlled diet for the rest of this quest."

Tom Bombadil -"............." (He loses his voice)

Bilbo -"Go know, I actually didn't do anything to that dragon at all."

[Diabless]

Gandalf
Deserve it. I daresay he does tht stinking little wretch! Die!

Sauron
Saruman, I give you the lost kingdom of Arnor. All that land is yours to rule.

Aragorn
(whines) but I wanna marry Arwen! Why cant I?

Shadowfax
Ok, wizard. I did not know we were going to go on an adventure. Can I go back to Rohan now?

Frodo
Sam , this is so exciting. i can't wait to go to Mordor. There's Mt. Doom, and Shelob, oo we can go to Cirith ungol and minas Morgul! It will be just like the Shire!

[Gary Gamgee]

Gollum 'what a beautiful morning'

Gandalf 'oh just give him the bloody thing'

Sam on the banks of the great river to Frodo in the boat 'bye'

[Wood Elf]

Boromir to Frodo: "You can keep the ring, Frodo, but thanks for asking me."

Galadriel: (singing)"Ding dong, Gandalfs' dead, the wicked wizards' dead!"

Elrond: "Sure, you can go (on the quest) too Glory! Let's throw in 15 more elves! Heck, the more the merrier!"

Hehe..keep 'em comin'!

[Beleg Strongbow]

Originally posted by Wood Elf
Boromir to Frodo: "You can keep the ring, Frodo, but thanks for asking me."

Galadriel: (singing)"Ding dong, Gandalfs' dead, the wicked wizards' dead!"



that is good!!!!!!!!1




Elrond: "Sure, you can go (on the quest) too Glory! Let's throw in 15 more elves! Heck, the more the merrier!"

Hehe..keep 'em comin'!



Gollum: Anything i can do for you frodo sir???

[legoman]

Just have to say genius:
Gandalf 'oh just give him the bloody thing'

oh and tookish a close second so far:
Frodo -"Whoooa-whooooa, Oooh, thank goodness, I nearly fell over then, but regained my balance sucesssfully."
and
Sam -"Ah, Frodo, get lost, you wuss!"

I don't think I could better those if I tried.

[ssgrif]

Sam: "This is it, one more step and it'll be the furthest away from home I've ever been"

Frodo: "God Sam you're such a wuss"

Sam: "Right, thats it, I'm off home"

[ssgrif]

Sorry, just thought of a better one:

Gandalf to the Balrog on the bridge in Moria:

"After you..."

[tookish-girl]

Originally posted by ssgrif
Sorry, just thought of a better one:

Gandalf to the Balrog on the bridge in Moria:

"After you..."

Ooooh, Classic!

What about this?

Aragorn: Who cares? I'm the King!

Boromir: AH, it's just a piece of jewelery really.

[Beorn]

Shagrat & Co.: Ahh, just let 'im...can't do much harm

Black Rider: Do you like scary movies?

[Anduril]

Thorondor: I'd like to fly away, to fly awaaay...

Saruman: Hey, do you want to see this little marble of mine?

Elrond: If you ant to schedule a meeting, please, send me a memo...

[Tao]

Frodo (to Sam): Here, you can have it. (the Ring)

Sam (to Frodo): Idiot!

Gollum (to Sam): Erm...I'll just come right out and say this...I LOVE YOU MAN!

Sam (back to Gollum): Let's never fight again.

These suck, I know...


Gandalf to Balrog: After you...

This is great man..classic

[Lorien]

Sauron- "Thats my rrinngggg give it baaaackkkkkkkk, you'd better or i'll tell my mommmmmyyyy....."

Gandalf- "Hey, lets tell jokes!!"

Legolas- "I want to marry Gimli dad.We're going to have a double marriage too, Frodo's hitching up with Sammy"

Any Elf- "Damn that orc is HOT!"

Arwen- "Hey Boromir want to make out?"
Aragorn- "I thought you loved me......"
Arwen- "You're a wimp i had to come a save your skin and besides Boromir here is richer than you are. Oh, and i'll have my necklace back please. (in the movie)"

[ssgrif]

Frodo: "You're late"

Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, erm, actually yes I am a bit late, sorry. Do you have any idea how old and senile I am? You expect too much of me young Frodo Bobbins"

Poor old Gandalf, losing his Palantiri's again.

[Lindir]

Boromir: 'Let the Ring be your weapon, if it has such power as you say. Take it and go forth to victory!'

Elrond: 'Yes, you are right Boromir, we can use the Ruling Ring. I will take the Ring to wield it.'

[tookish-girl]

That Frodo and Sam thing reminds me of something (say it aloud in a 'Sam' type accent)

Sam: Oh mister Frodo sir, I love you so much, I'm going to dump that Rosie Cotton trollup and have 13 kids with you instead!

Frodo: Oh, shut up, peasant!

[Legolam]

Gwaihir to Gandalf, on the way to pick up Frodo and Sam:

"No! I've had enough of picking up your rabbits. YOU go and get them!"

[Gary Gamgee]

Legolas- 'I cant see a thing'

Galadriel- 'Will you look into my puddle'

Galadreil(again)- 'Instead of a husband i have got a Queen'

[Anduril]

Cirdan: Ok guys...I'm in big trouble...I can´t swim...

[Goldberry344]

LOTR diaries (http://diaries.diagon.org/) ok, I think this is funny. and i think this (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=225872) is too, but it may just be my stupid sense of humor. but imagine
Boromor:can i have the ring, Frodo?
Frodo: ya, sure, but it has some weird side effects.

[Anduril]

Ok Goldberry...you have a point.
It was a nice move...

:cool:

[Gary Gamgee]

Originally posted by Goldberry344
LOTR diaries (http://diaries.diagon.org/) ok, I think this is funny. and i think this (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=225872) is too, but it may just be my stupid sense of humor. but imagine
Boromor:can i have the ring, Frodo?
Frodo: ya, sure, but it has some weird side effects.

Those diaries are brilliant LMAO only read Gandalf will read more.

Sam slightly out of control. Constantly bathing Frodo.:D

back to subject

Bombadil- 'hey hairy doll, your a very hairy doll'

[Goldberry344]

I acctually thought that Frodos diary was the best, and Boromirs.

Frodo- c'mon Sam, danse with Rosie!
Sam- no, thats not really what i was thinking of doing with her, mr frodo.....

[Bill the Pony]

Originally posted by Goldberry344
LOTR diaries (http://diaries.diagon.org/)
:D These are great. Especially:
"Arwen: Went all the way to the Gap of Rohan only to find there is no Gap in Rohan. Not even a Banana Republic. False advertising!"

So that's why Gandalf took the company through Moria. He knew there was no Gap of Rohan!

[Anduril]

This kind of humor is delightful...I found it very "english fashioned"...



:D

[Wood Elf]

Legolas- "AHH! I'm going bald!!!"

Pippin- "No Merry, that is not funny. Seriously, I think we should act our age more..."

Frodo- "I think I will go buy some nike sneakers for the rest of the journey!"

Shelob- "Sure, you can just walk right past, make yourselves at home, drinks anyone?"

Riders of Rohan- "Ok, lets turn back, we look like a bunch of pansies riding around all day in braids."

Goldberry- "Seriously Tom, I think we should date other people..."

Tom Bombodillo- "Get the heck outta my woods, damn hobbits!"

Elrond- "hobbits, they are like a cancer, a virus, eating away at the fabric of our society.."

Hehe, keep them comin'! These are great! :)

[Goldberry344]

The diaries reminded me a lot of Monty Python (speaking of the English) well. a lot of things remind me of Monty Python. I have an, er, obsession with monty Python. :p

Sauron-Build me an army worthy of Mordor!
Sauroman- ok, that should be easy. your not worth that much. im only after your ring!

[Gary Gamgee]

Gandalf- 'Eleanor I was in my youth'

[Goldberry344]

Sauron- My eye is watering. You know, the lidless one!

[Gary Gamgee]

Gandalf- 'will someone get some Optrex for Sauron quick'

[Kit Baggins]

Sauron (to anyone): OK, I'll let you off this time.

[DGoeij]

Treebeard: 'Let's make a great bonfire and celebrate our vicotry!'

[tookish-girl]

GOLDBERRY, THOSE DIARIES ARE AMAZING!!!!!!Sorry, only capital letters would do, nothing to do with Caps lock or anything, love the bit about Gollum been torured with endless showings of Elijah Wood movies. Anyway:


Frodo: Hey, give me the optex! My eyes just aren't blue enough....

[7doubles]

gandalf, "where in the blue heavens are we?"
legoles, "im sleepy"

[Gary Gamgee]

Shelob to gollum- 'Why didnt you call me? I thought i'd see you again'

[Wood Elf]

LoL guys! :D

Pip in Rivendell: "I think I will sit down and study these maps, to further enhance my knowledge of the journey."

Legolas: "Man, I can hardly walk through this deep snow!"

Frodo: "Here Gollum, here's the ring, I brought it just for you!"

Gollum: "Hey Sam, can we havess us some rabbit stew? These fishees are not tassty!"

Orcs: "Snuggle time!"

Theoden: "Gandalf, I think I'm gonna have to go with Saurman. Sorry, but the guys' really got it goin' for him!"

Shadowfax: Comes limping over the grass, and falls over.

[Goldberry344]

Tookish-girl, the best part about the diaries is that you can buy tshirts and stuff with the sayings on them here (http://d349178.u11.allyourhostingneeds.com/) . My favorites are the "Still the prettiest", "Still not king" and "Sam will kill me ones". I also kinda like the "had enough, off to mordor" one. :D :D :D

Gollum- Dammit, my precious is tired of speaking in 3rd person.

Legolas-I'm too old for this.

[7doubles]

smegul:i got a gullum stuck in my thorax!

[Anduril]

Aragorn: Ok guys..you can call me "The Lone Ranger".

Any orc: I think I MUST take a good bath...with bubbles...

[7doubles]

lone ranger,lol

[Lucie Baggins]

any troll: did you know that the square root of 954,384 is 976.3? :)

[Anduril]

Sam to Frodo: Stop bother me and go find your own breakfast!!!!

Tom Bombadil: I'm really bored of this forest. I'm moving to NYC

[Goldberry344]

What if Goldberry ditched Tom, straightened her hair, dyed it black and ran after Aragorn?? im not saying thats what im gonna do, but it would be different.

[Gary Gamgee]

Originally posted by ssgrif
Sorry, just thought of a better one:

Gandalf to the Balrog on the bridge in Moria:

"After you..."

PURE GENIUS

the best one so far made me laugh like mad

let's compile a top ten

GGG

[Goldberry344]

Little men (http://www.elijah-wood.com/gallery/Misc/imagepages/image147.html) careing about each other. rather cute really.:D

ummm, how will we get a top 10?? and then someone could set up a poll with the 10 on it and we could rate them....:) :) :)

[tookish-girl]

Awwwwwwww, what a lovely pic!:)
Makes you wonder where the carrot is, doesn't it?

[Goldberry344]

it has fallen into shadow with Gandalf and The Pointy Hat. Frodo misses the Pointy Hat. Pip misses The Carrot. does anyone miss Gandalf?

[Bill the Pony]

Frodo at the crack of doom:
You ARE the weakest Ring. Good bye.

[Camille]

the lord of the eagles: Flying always make me sick!!!

Elrond to Gorfindel; The Nazgul were out there!!! Why didnt you invited them to a cup of tea????

eowyn to aragorn: Why dont you give me your number?

an elf (whoever) I LOVE ORCS THEY ARE THE FUNNIEST CREATURES!!

Faramir to frodo: Give me that ring and get out of here you $#5%6¿& hobbit!!

[Camille]

those diaries.... my God they are great!!!

[Elbereth]

Pippin to Gandalf: Hey Gandalf...can we stop for few minutes. I've got to pee.

Merry to Pippin: This lembas is good stuff...but it gives me gas.

(oh, and those diaries where hilarious!!! Loved them!!!):D

[Anduril]

I think everyone who read them, love them...those diaries are a real HIT...

:cool:

[Greenleaf]

Any body: I really think we should go to mount doom this year instead of Rivindell.

[Aroghel]

Gollum to Bilbo: "Hey go ahead! Keep the Ring! It was getting boring and old. . ."

Anybody: "Who wants to go out for some Chinese?

Sauron: when his finger is cut of in FotR: "Nooooo!!! My black handmade iron glove! You fool! My mother made that!!!

[Tar-Palantir]

Gimli: a statement ANYWHERE in LOTR that's correct.

Arwen to Aragorn: "Eowyn's been in town. By the way, why's this rabbit in a boiling pot of water?"

[Goldberry344]

when the Orcs capture Frodo in TTT....
Frodo: you've got the wrong hobbit. see?? no ring. NO RING!!!

[Goldberry344]

Galadrial (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/comiccontest/scottpenn-galadriel_mirror.jpg)

more cartoons LOTR style, hehehe (http://www.barrowdowns.com/ReaderArt.asp?Size=)

[My_Precious]

Originally posted by Goldberry344
LOTR diaries (http://diaries.diagon.org/) ok, I think this is funny. and i think this (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=225872) is too, but it may just be my stupid sense of humor. but imagine
Boromor:can i have the ring, Frodo?
Frodo: ya, sure, but it has some weird side effects.
LMAO!!!!
Those "LOTR diaries" are hilarious!

"Suspect Sauron gearing up for something. Walked in on him applying ceremonial sparkly mascara. "
He-he-he-he...

[Gary Gamgee]

Aragorn- 'She's done what? She fixed it! I LIKED it broken'

[Aroghel]

Frodo and company on their way to Mount Doom: "We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

Gandalf to Bilbo: "Is this pickle Dill or Sweet?"

[Gary Gamgee]

Aroghel check out Lort the musical its great, if i do say so myself

GGG

[Goldberry344]

what about Sil:the musical performed by a naked legolas....:)
(if you dont get it read the LOTR diaries)

[Camille]

ja ja ja yes that is good!!!

[legoman]

Diaries. ho.:D

[Goldberry344]

i am SO happy that other people like the diaries, i thought that it might just be my immature sense of humor. but obviously not!! did anyone bother to read the Dude Where's My Ring (http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=225872) story?? its sorta unfinished, but i like it so far!

[My_Precious]

Yes, I'm past 7th chapter... "Wassup!!!!" :D

[legoman]

You thought it was just your immature sense of humour. IT WAS, we just happen to all have one too!!!

[tookish-girl]

Saruman after the birth of Lurtz (film only):
"Awwwww! Isn't he cute, come to dadda!"

[legoman]

you know its weird but thats exactly what I pictured him saying.

[Goldberry344]

Thank you, Legoman.

Elrond: one of you must take the ring.
Frodo: dont look at me, dammit!!!

[Forgotten Path]

I think the wicked wizard's dead is the best so far.




Elrond:Let's just pawn the Ring! I'm short on cash, man!

Faramir:HEY! Eowyn!...(pushes her off the wall of Minas Tirith)Aaaaaaaaaah!

[LadyGaladriel]

Gandalf - Pippin you are mature and wise

Tom Bomadill having a nervous breakdown

Frodo to Gollum - You can have it
Gollum to Frodo - No I insit you have it

Elrond - Ill just ring up my buddy Sauron and see if he can come have tea

[Treebeard]

Frodo- "Oh, I'm sorry Gollum! I forgot all about your birthday! I didn't get you anything! I guess I'll just give you this ring..."

[Gary Gamgee]

Galadriel- 'ear yea are chuck pass us me cigs'

[LadyGaladriel]

Sauron to Gandalf : Tell ya what , Ill give up this whole Ring thing if you give me Elronds Number

[Treebeard]

Frodo: "Hey, everyone, I thought of a great way to pass the time...let's play ringtoss! I've got a ring right here!

[LadyGaladriel]

Pippin : The Meaning of life is...

Sam : Thats it if i get one more broken nail im leaving!

[Kit Baggins]

Legolas (to his hairdresser): I was thinking maybe a green mohawk?

[elenya]

This is more like a conversation buuut...

Sam: Uh...Frodo? Where's the ring?

Frodo: What ring?

Aragorn(in backgroud): AAhhhhh!!! It's miiine!! I'll rule the world!!

Frodo. Oooh! THAT ring!

[Tao]

Bilbo, after finding ring: Hm...it seems to be a ring. It's not like this will come in handy ever. *throws ring away*

Saruman: I am no long Saruman the White. I am Saruman the multicolored and everything fluffy and special!

Merry (while Pippin is asleep): Quick! Kick him while he's down! *starts to kick Pippin*

Yeah, I posted this at minas tirith.com...:D

[~Emerald Took~]

Gandalf:(hehehe)I mean ,go on Frodo give the ring to the nice ringwraiths.

[LadyGaladriel]

Boromir to Aragorn : Who on middleearth are you?

Aragorn To Bormoir : Oh no one special!

[Legolam]

Aragorn to Denethor:

Nah, you can keep Gondor. Heck, here's my crown, I don't want to be king. I prefered up north to be honest. You guys down here are just way too weird and icky. See ya!

:D

[LadyGaladriel]

Gimili at Elrond Council

Gimili to Legolas : Oh great you are coming ! We can braid each others hair!

[My_Precious]

Originally posted by LadyGaladriel
Gimili at Elrond Council

Gimili to Legolas : Oh great you are coming ! We can braid each others hair!
LMAO!!!
:D

[LadyGaladriel]

Thank you

[GollumtheGreat]

Gollum: Aw, you can keep the ring!
Sauron: Quick! Someone get my eye drops!
Dark Rider: Why are we wearing black cloaks? They are so in this age...
Frodo: Why are we on this Quest again?
Gandalf: I look so much better in white then Saruman...
Frodo: So I just have to walk great distances, avoid capture by orcs, enter Morder, resist putting the ring on and then throw it into Mount Doom? That easy?
Sam: Tom Bombadil? Who comes up with these names?
Pippin: That Tom Bombadil is a few dwarves short of a mountain, if you know what I mean...
Gandalf: (On the Dawnless Day) Alright! Who turned off the lights?!

[Goldberry344]

Gimili to Legolas : Oh great you are coming ! We can braid each others hair!

OMG THIS IS GREAT!!!
and by the way...did anyone ever wonder when Legolas and Gimli did get time to do their hair?? I mean, Legolas has these funky little french braids that would take forever to do and Gimli has double duty with his hair and his beard. Did they get up at 3 to do it?? what would they do if they were attacked before they could do their hair?? hmmmmmm.....

Galadrial (in the movie to Frodo)~ Umm, Im supposed to tell you i know what you saw, but can you tell me first because my power is getting kinda iffy.....

[elenya]

Goldberry, I thought of this thanx to your post.

Legolas: *in battle with orcs* Hiya! Take that! Die! And....OMG!!! My haiiiiir!! He messed up my haiiiir!!*tuns off screaming* Eeeeee!!!

[Tao]

This is hilarious.

That was great, elenya.

[Legsofglass]

Gandalf - Damn skid marks!

Balrog - Is it hot in here or is it just me?

Gimli - Argh! Cut myself shaving!

Glorfindel - Bah! I don't belive in reincarnations!

Hobbit - Did you hear about that new microwave Lazagne?

[Gary Gamgee]

Legolas 'yay yay a balrog has come'

Bilbo 'no Gandalf i'm not going anywhere, i'm staying here, i'm super-glueing the ring to my finger as we speak'

Gandalf- 'damn Hobbits'

GGG

[LadyGaladriel]

How bout

Elrond : Im losing my memory!!!!!

[Ordain]

LOL Legs! Those are great!

How's this:

Durin's Bane - *on the phone* So, you see Gothmog, I was at the salon when I get a call from Shirly. She told me about her new boyfriend Bobby and how her parents set her a curfue of 1:00 am. Poor thing! Oops, dropped my nailpolish, hold on!

[LadyGaladriel]

Lol!

How bout


Boromir ; That ring is sooo last age !!!

[AlellaGreenleaf]

Legolas to Gladriel: Girl, you stole my crimper, I was so totally wearing that look 2000 years ago.

[Goldberry344]

NEW Secret Diary (http://diaries.diagon.org/)
I havent read it yet...Its Elrond's, and theres a Ring Wrath in there too, but i saw it and i had to share the wealth before i read it....ENJOY!

[elenya]

What if Legolas was named Popcorn Nymph and Gimli was Underpants Gnome? Just imagine all the possibilities....

[Camille]

Hey gold berry I read the elrond's diary!! it was great you know which would be graet too Galadriel's diary " there is something else I what from you Frodo Baggins...." :D :D :D :D :D

[tookish-girl]

Yaya! That new diary rocks!

Here's one:

Legolas: Helm's Deep? Not tonight, I'm washing my hair.

[cortezthekiller]

LOL, very good one Tookish. Here's another along those lines:

Arwen: Helm's Deep? Nah, it's not in the book.

[tookish-girl]

Arwen: Sorry! I don't do literature

[Quercus]

Frodo to Sam:

Darn you Sam, you're nothing but a Ninnyhammer!

[LadyGaladriel]

How bout
Frodo to Gollum :Hey can you hold this while i tye my toes togather (Passes the ring )

[Goldberry344]

Camille...its really weird that you said that...today my friend and i were talking about who else should have a diary...and we came up with Galadrial, Sauron and the Balrog

Balrog
Gandalf didnt show up for our date today. very mad at him

Gandalf showed Ringbearer the pointy hat trick today. was verry sad. thought Gandalf kept that between us. oh well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

HEHEHEHE PULLED GANDALF INTO SHADOW WITH ME....he is naked....lost pointy hat :^(

Gandalf ran away today. He killed me first. Talk about true love.

(OK, if it stinks its cause i made it up...)

[My_Precious]

"Sam will kill him if he tries anything"...:D
That's my favourite line:D

[Goldberry344]

Ya, it is the greatest line....now, Althea (thats me) will try Galadrial...

Day 1
Very boreing in Lotholorien. Mirror says Sauron is rising. Who cares? Mirror says cute blue-eyed ringbearer will save us. He is traveling along with a bunch of pervy-hobbit-fanciers now. Aragorn seems to like Ringbearer a lot. oh well. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 2
Fellowship reached Lotholorien. Everyone looked sad. Gandalf died. boo hoo. never liked him. Ringbearer's eyes very blue when he cries.

Day 3
Maybe Aragorn has something going on with these small people. Drat it. I am NOT a Pervy Hobbit Fancier (PHF)

Day 4
Caught Legolas in my mirror. Found his hair in it too. Very mad. Did not know he has some short brown hairs too. mirror smelt oddly of strawberry bubble bath. i wonder.

Day5
Dang it...totally hit on ringbearer today. he ran away. was petrified. maybe i moved too fast.

Day6
Fellowship left. I gave ringbearer some light. I said "May it be a light for you in dark places." He gave me a pair of his pants. he said "May you never run out of trousers again." I think he likes me.

Ok i tried. not as funny as the real ones, but she acctually had time to think about them.

[My_Precious]

lol, no, it's great!:D

[Goldberry344]

THANKS!!!!!:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[LadyGaladriel]

Sauron Diary xxxxxxx

Day 1
Yes my plan has worked , that extremly goodlooking hobbit has the ring . Soon he will come to me!

Day 2
My eye tells me that Gandalf has fallen into shadow.
Oh other news A

[LadyGaladriel]

aragorn so badly likes My hobbit!

Day 3
Have sspecifically told my Nazgul to make sure they get my hobbit.
Have prepared a candlelit dinner for him

Day 4
Ahh!!!! No!!!!! My Hobbit has come into Morodr and im not even put on eyeliner!!!

Day 4
Damn It!! My hobbit has tried to destroy me and has succeded .
Bummer

[Lillyaundra]

Evil creatures are getting shorter and shorter lfespans these days!!;) :rolleyes: :D

[tookish-girl]

Oh, those are great you two!
I keep forgetting where all the strawberry bubble bath references originally started from......very funny though. Do you think Sauron, will eventualy succumb to Pippin's charms? Seems all the other PHFs have!

[I.am.Smeagol]

Smeagol-
"Ya know what preciousssss? I'm starting to get tired of all the fishhes..."

"Damn ring,, it doesnt go with any of my outfits.."

"Fine then, you lead the way Gollum! I am sick of all this, 'go catch the fissshess, Smeagol. Its your turn to shine the Precious, Smeagol.' I am so out of this deal, your on your own now, Gollum!"

"The lava of Mount Doom isnt /that/ bad..."

[Goldberry344]

Galadrial,,,, that was awessome, but you forgot the line "Sam will killhim if he tries anything."

how bout

between day 1 and 2... a new day....
Looking in my eye. Hobbit in Rivendell. Many bats. Like to watch those. Aragorn beginning to like ringbearer. hes such a pervy hobbit fanceir. oh well...sam will kill him if he tries anything.

[I.am.Smeagol]

Though of s'more. ^_^

Elves-
"Why dont we write a song about Smeagol and how he destroyed the Ring?"


Sam-
"I actually miss the little green bugger."


Frodo-
"Okay, I admit it. I didnt destroy the ring-I wanted to use it for world domination.. It was all Smeagol."


Rossie Cotton-
"Ya know what? I think that Smeagol guy is kinda cute..."

[tookish-girl]

May I just ask, has YayGollum changed his name or do we have another Gollum fanatic on the board? You two should get acquainted!

Anyway,
Elves: Hey! Let's write a song about Pippin's amazing organisational skills!

[Legsofglass]

Lieutenant of Mordor:
"Hmm, I think this Mithril coat is pretty kinky..."

[tookish-girl]

Delia Smith: Now, here's a lovely recipe you can make with just two rabbits and a packet of lembas.....


(Get the feeling not many people out of the U.K. will get that one!)

[LadyGaladriel]

Elrond To Gandalf :Lets get this straight! I do not care for the ring ! In fact stop coming to me for all your prblems , DO I LOOK LIKE AN AGONY AUNT??!!! common ! I have seroius things on my mind like Do these shoes go with this robe!

[Goldberry344]

Tookish... Its a new Gollum lover, she goes to my school. oh wait, she isnt a Gollum lover...She IS smeagol...

Frodo- Gollum, would you like to take the Precious to mordor??

[Legolam]

Hey Tookish, that's a great one!!!!

ROTFL! :D

[Tulidian]

How about these

Gandalf to Frodo-I will help you bear this burden if it is yours to....What am I saying? Get that thing away from me!

Sam/Pippin/Merry to Frodo-Cleary those black riders are only here to invite you for tea and crumpets.

Denenthor to Faramir-I wish that Boromir kid would stay away for good.

Saruman to Gandalf-Sure I'll come down. :)

[Camille]

dont know if anyone has posted this yet but something that a LOTR character would never say is:
LETS GO ORC HUNTING :mad: :mad: :mad:

[tookish-girl]

Surely you mean: Let's hunt some orc!

Which sounds even worse! You can get novelty mugs over here with Aragorn on and that quote! *muffled sniggering*

[Camille]

Dont remember the quote but is the last thing that Aragon said at the PJ movie!! that was not ok at all!! or something like that:
If you want him come and claim him! (Arwen, :D )

[King_Telcontar]

Wormtongue- I am really a spie and i want to marry Eowyn

[Kelkorian]

Sauron - Damn, those Orcs are fine!
Balrog - I'm siiiiiiinging in the rain!
Gandalf - I'm too old for this stuff...

Sam - Let's go have a McFlurry.
Frodo - Why? We can just have strawberries!

[Gary Gamgee]

Dr Chris Steele's phone in...

'I know it's an old wives tale but sometimes there is alot of truth in these and the weed Athelas otherwise known as kingsfoil, does indeed work wonders for morgul wounds'

[I.am.Smeagol]

Hahaha, this are great! I cant stop laughing! Keep em' coming!

[Dûndorer]

gandalf: bilbo, lets light up some pipe weed and mellow out to some music, and get the munchies.

bilbo: i already have the munchies.

[LadyGaladriel]

Pippin : actually come to think of it. Im not really hungary. I think im putting on weight

[King_Telcontar]

I have found some more.
Galadriel: "Gimme the Ring! I'm going to take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Aragorn: "I love you, Eowyn."
Boromir: "Minas Tirith sucks."
Gandalf: "Someone else can save the world. I'm going to put my feet up."
Ugluk: "OK Grishnakh, you can take command."
Gollum: Anything without the word "precious" in it somewhere.
Denethor: "Of course we're going to win this war!"
Eowyn: "Does anyone want some fresh-baked cookies?"
Sam: "Shut up, Frodo! I'm tired too, but do you see me complaining?"

[King_Telcontar]

I found these and thought that they were kinda funny, I guess that they would fit in this thread.
Top Ten Muttered Comments That Nobody Heard During Lord Of The Rings
10. "I'd kill for some fried fish and chips, but I can't spoil my image." - Gollum after turning down Sam's offer.
9. "What does he think I am, a taxi service?" - Gwaihir while carrying Gandalf AGAIN.
8. "I don't really want to defeat Sauron - I just need an engagement ring and every shop in Minas Tirith was sold out." - Boromir on Amon Hen.
7. "It's a pity I can't speak and therefore can't tell them about the Grand Unification Theory I just finished working on." - Bill the pony.
6. "In 5000 years time, people will denounce me for killing dark-skinned people." - Theoden at the Pelennor.
5. "Holy Eru, but that beard is gorgeous!" - Galadriel about Gimli.
4. "[CENSORED]" - Sauron as Gollum fell into the Crack of Doom.
3. "------ men." - Rosie after Sam went off on an adventure without telling her.
2. "In 5000 years time, people STILL won't know who I am! Hey dol, derry dol..." - Tom Bombadil.
1. "This would never have happened if I had given her that pony for her 112th birthday." - Elrond at Aragorn and Arwen's wedding.

[pippin le qer]

Arwen:

puh! 2000 years a virgin and still daddy thinks up new delays

[My_Precious]

Well, I don't think that Gandalf would say something like this (http://greenbooks.theonering.net/tookish/images/070101_moriagate.html)

[Dûndorer]

My_Precious that was a good one.:p

[Kelkorian]

Important decisions LotR characters have decided to make:

Gandalf: I've decided to have a sex change.
Gollum: I've decided to buy a Harly.
Saruman: I've decided to enlarge my genitals.
Pippin: I've decided to NOT blow the horn of Gondor.
Frodo: I've decided to get my car fixed.
Sauron: I've decided to take a bath in choclate.
Legolas: I've decided to announce my coming out of the closet.

[Dûndorer]

gimli: i decided to cut my beard

[tookish-girl]

Shagrat: You know, I'm glad that hobbit sings so much, he really should do karoke.

[Goldberry344]

Pippin~ Hey, Boromir, the horn that you were carying around before wasnt this small....
Boromir~ Damn hobbit...if i tell you this is the horn of gondor, its the horn of gondor, ok??

[Beorn]

Gandalf: Oh, don't worry about it Frodo, you can wear the ring whenever you feel like it!

[pippin le qer]

and it matches your eyes so much better than it did Bilbo's

[My_Precious]

Ok, I know it's a little bit out, but I dunno where to post it. So I would call it "Things LoTR characters would never own":
Saruman's desktop (http://greenbooks.theonering.net/tookish/images/060101_sarumansdesk.html#)
Sauron's desktop (http://greenbooks.theonering.net/tookish/images/060101_sauronsdesk.html#)

[I.am.Smeagol]

Those are GREAT! *I cannot stop laughing!* Make more!!!

[My_Precious]

*Intimidated*
I would love to, but they're not mine...
Yep, found them on the net....:o :o :o
:rolleyes:

[Legolam]

I love the bit on Sauron's desktop that says "feed the cat"!!!

LOL! :D

[Kelkorian]

'Eres one:

Any Hobbit: Let's go get some bannanas!

[pippin le qer]

Originally posted by Legolam
I love the bit on Sauron's desktop that says "feed the cat"!!!

LOL! :D

was this a short notice for:
feed the cat to ALF, he has been hungry since he arrived on earth?

[LadyGaladriel]

lol at those desktops
is there anymore?????

[Anarchist]

Gandalf before Moria gate:
"Now where did I put the key. Hey guys does anybody have a credit card?"

[My_Precious]

No, I didn't find any more desktops. I may make some (And test my computer skills :rolleyes: )

[Goldberry344]

those desktops were hilarious. i liked the webcam the best....:D

Im running out of funny things. :(

perhaps i can try another diary....Celeborn?
(Starts the day the Fellowship reaches Lorien)
Day 1
V. upset. Galadrial wont take her eyes off of ringbearer. Sam will kill her if she tries anything.

Day 2
Went shopping today. Bought an nice new robe. Maybe it will attract Galadrial...

Day 3
No luck. Galadrial likes trousers. must try.

Day 4
Bought pants. also went to a salon. got a haircut, a perm and had my hair dyed brown. wish i were shorter.

Day 5
Ringbearer noticed my change. Complimented me. He's rather sweet, really. Like his eyes a lot.

Day 6
Galadrial still hasnt noticed my change. V. distressed. Washed my hair in mirror. used nice strawberry stuff i found in the hobbit's packs.

Day 7
Legolas is in troooouuuubllleeeee! Galadrial thinks he took the tub! never liked him much anyways.

Day 8
Ringbearer gave Galadrial his pants. V. envious. will steal them asap. Galadrial noticed my hairdo today. not sure how she feels.

[Dûndorer]

bilbo: gandalf, how much do you think i can make if i pawn this thing. i think its 24K.

[LadyGaladriel]

Hey How about a Eowyn diary????

Day 1
Hanging round Rohan today . No good looking guys. am starting to like Grima! Eeek! Theoden still mad bout shadowfax but as i told him, The Horse was on his last legs.
Day 2
Much excitement!!!! Gandalf with a very cute guy came haning around.
Aragorn i think his name was ! Yay Go me!!! but the way he talked about The Hobbits i think he could be a PHF oh well sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Oh on other news Theoden walked out of our house today and looked about.
Day 3
Said goodbye to Aragorn , v. touching. Alas when will i see him again??????
Day 4
Moping
Day 5
Moping
day 6
Well today actually Aragorn , begged him not to go to the paths but like a typical male went.
Day 7
Rode into battle
saw aragorn
was healed by him.
YAY GO ME
on other news Theoden is dead , Oh well never gave me money on my birthday.
Day 8
Aragorn Left
am moping till i saw Faramir . wow His for me!!!
Day 9
Went shopping in Gondor
No bad , they had a shoe discount!! YAY GO ME!

[elfprincess]

lol!!! This thread is funny!!! I come up with crazy stuff about LOTR a lot too...but I can't think of anything good right now. I'll have to get back to you on that. ;)

[Rangerdave]

FRODO to SMEAGOL: Yeah I got yer Precious right here pal!

[LadyGaladriel]

Nazgul to frodo : Dude! You are the little hobbit that my master is in love with. (To aragorn who is busy tryng to set fire to nazgul)Hey sir stop waving that thing in my face . I have a central heated coat now!!

[Goldberry344]

Whattabout...
Arwen-Dude, Aragorn, you're rugged look is really getting to me. i think ill marry Legolas, that way i can live forever, too

[Turgon]

Smaug - 'A spectre is haunting Middle-Earth...'

or any orc 'Come and see the violence inherent in the system... Help! Help! I'm being repressed!'

[Gary Gamgee]

Sauron 'my nose is itchy'

[LadyGaladriel]

Gandalf to Galadriel : for gods sake girl. You are not meant to put my grey robe in the white wash!!!

[Goldberry344]

Sauron to the Repressed Orc...(Turgon)- Bloody Orc!

ok. my Sophmore friends suggested that someone (me)write the Ring's Diary. sooooo....

Day 1
Cut from Sauron's hand today. V. distraught. strange man took me. I shrunk....he put me on a chain so i cant get away....
Miss Sauron terribly.

Day 25
HAHA!! I am freeeeeee! Strange king-man killed....because of me.... On the down side, im on the bottom of a lake. This wouldnt have happened if i were with my man sauron.

Day 1256
Was pulled out of the lake by strange little creature. Then he died because of me. Another strange little creature likes me a lot. He pets me. not sure i like this odd behavior.

Day 1745
Still stuck with strange little creature. Why won't he die?? I'm getting so bored of his raspy "my preciousssssssssssss's" maybe i should leave him.
Miss Sauron horribly.

Day 1749
YES! I DID IT!! I RAN AWAY!!!

Day 1750
Damn. new strange little creature picked me up. maybe he knows Sauron. He talked with the other strange little creature. then he put me on and ran away. i wonder what is up.

Day 1790
Big day for strange little creature. he left me behind. :(
Was picked up by new little man....named Frodo....when his blue eyes reflected in my shiny surface, you dont even want to know how special i felt!
Miss Sauron tremendously.

Day 1805
Frodo is going on a trip. he is taking me with him. he thinks i dont know that he is going to destroy me. v. distraught. ill never get to say good bye to Sauron.

Day 1825
Frodo put me on accidentally. it made me so happy! i was hoping hed do that! then shady man pulled him into a room alone. i am the only one who saw what that man tried to do to my Frodo. no, not my frodo.
Not so sure i miss Sauron.

I dono, its getting kinda long. ill stop now.

[I.am.Smeagol]

Omg, thats so funny...

[My_Precious]

WHAT?!!!! Goldberry344, who allowed you to post my private diary?!!!
Where did you get it?!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:
No, no, NO!!! This is not happening!!!

[legoman]

That ring had better watch out, Sam will kill him if he tries anything!!!

[tookish-girl]

Hahahaha! Wonderful lego!
It's great Goldberry, keep it up, I'm wondering if it'll get to have a bath and end up smelling of Strawberry bubble bath!

[My_Precious]

Originally posted by legoman
That ring had better watch out, Sam will kill him if he tries anything!!!
I'm "she", not "he". Bubble bath - why not???:D

[legoman]

No reason, I just thought it mostly seems to be men that go for Frodo and we all know why that is(hehe).
But if I am mistaken, well if I am then She really has even less chance (hoho).

You know I really should stop insulting one of the main characters of one of the main books of the forum.

[Goldberry344]

Sorry, my precious...but i did edit your diary a bit...left out your part in the nasty weekend with Sauron and Elrond....
ok, here i goooooo

Day 1829
OHNO! frodo hurt. v. distraught. buttttt....HE PUT ME ON!!! v. happy. I feel so loved. 9 strange tall men are trying to steal me, and Frodo wont let them have me. he loves me.

Day 1835
Elvs. ewww. Frodo almost died. but he pulled through. he put me on a chain, so he will never lose me.
Head elf man v. mad at Sam. so is odd pointy hat man. too many bubble baths. I happen to think that the Strawberry smell makes frodo sooo much more attractive.
While in bath with Frodo, saw some odd things. never knew what could be done with a carrot before. v. educational.

Day 1836
feel v. exposed today. Frodo made me go alone in front of a whole group of people. Boromir OBVIOUSLY likes frodo. made some odd "we can use the ring to help us" comment. ya, right, only if he can take the ringbearer, too. oh, well, sam will kill him if he tries anything.
On the down side, all the people want to throw me into a fire. oh well. Maybe frodo will come too.

Day 1839
Gandalf is totally checking frodo out. like 24/7. and how on middle earth did he get a hold of Pippin's carrot??

Day 1846
v. big day today. Aragorn and Boromir fought over who would carry me up the mountain. well...i guess carrying frodo was an added bonus, but Aragorn won. who does he think he is...The heir of Gondor? i mean just because he has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesnt mean that he is fit to touch Frodo...i mean me.
second, i fell off frodo. Boromir picked me up. he has rough, firm fingers, was having a good time, then aragorn kicked in. damn aragorn.
on the side, i think Legolas has something going on with Gimli.

Day 1850
Grey man died today. he freaked me out. showed frodo some sort of pointy hat trick. v. vulgar. speaking of tricks, i know this one...i can grow and grow and grow so big that, wait, what was i saying? got distracted. Legolas performing an odd variety of songs outside Moria. didnt know his bow was so.....
Really dont miss sauron.

ok. ill post again later.

[My_Precious]

Still mad at you, but can't stop smiling - you posted the favourite part of my diary!
:) :D
While in bath with Frodo, saw some odd things. never knew what could be done with a carrot before. v. educational.

V. Educational indeed.:D :D :D

[I.am.Smeagol]

*Giggles* GoldBerry, why didnt you bring this to class today? We would have had a great time freaking everyone out about strawberry bubblebaths and carrots. :rolleyes: :p :D

[Goldberry344]

well, Smeagol, i sorta make them up as i go along!

Day 1852
In Lorien. So many elves i could barf. wait. no, i cant. v. pretty lady...has rather attractive ring...i got his number! Elf lady loves frodo. Sam will kill her if she tries anything. or can he??

Day 1854
welllllll, the elf lady is trying! Frodo offered me to her...she refused me! SCORE! im still with frodoooo! and poor frodo got all flustered around her....i dont think he's ever been hit on by a girl before.

Day 1859
well, we are out of elf country. boating. stuck in same boat as sam and aragorn. they take turns playing footsies with frodo. i dont think frodo is quite into it...he keeps looking longingly at Gimli's boat. he can forget about it. i mean we all know hes with Legolas.

Day 1864
Boromir tried to steal me. So frodo put me on. his fingers are so soft. he was so scared and vulnerable. he had a talk with aragorn, and he started crying. it was going to me just me and him and the dark lord...then sam came. think sam is planning something fishy...keeps saying things like "Well, Mr. Frodo, its just you and me alone in mordor." is he hinting something??

[I.am.Smeagol]

Tehehehe, these are great..

[Goldberry344]

im making my own website, sorta, and im putting the diaries i wrote on it...here's (http://hometown.aol.com/lilmanrox22/page2.html) what i have so far

[Arathin]

Ok these are great. Go Goldberry, wow. I'm in awe, but not total. sry freshman. hehe

[Goldberry344]

Sophmore, you should be in awe, i am in awe. i have too much free time. anyone have suggestions for the next diary?? this is really fun.

[Khamul]

Thats a pretty decent site. I used the aol thing once, but I forgot some password stuff....

[Goldberry344]

thank'ee much, sting! i wish i could do more with it, but my parents wont let me buy a domain name :(

[Arathin]

Hehe. Poor Freshman. Hehe. How about... Galadriel. That should be funny.

[I.am.Smeagol]

*Mutters* Sophmoressss. Bah. ^_~

[Arathin]

Very funny, other Freshman. hehehe. Fine it is even two sophomores (the betters) and two freshmen (the lower class school citizens) :p :p :p

[Goldberry344]

well, sophmore, or sophmores, you are slightly behind the times. i already did Galadrial, though i could work on it and make it better.
and, speaking of school, freshman and i dont much appreciate you guys stealing our rap. i mean, seriously, im the one who's not king yet. and freshman is still the prettiest. sophmore M can be disembodied all she wants, but you, arathin, must find a different one. becase I am STILL NOT KING! ;)

[I.am.Smeagol]

OOOOOO! She got ya there, Soph. Plus,, I was the first to find the diaries, so NANANAN!

[Goldberry344]

oh, go jess! after you found them i posted them on this thread, and now everyone can smile!!!!!!!

[Arathin]

Is that right, freshmen? Well, that doesn't matter much does it because you can be the still not king freshman, but I am the still not king sophomore. Hell we even have an un-disembodied still disembodied junior, (Stephen) So OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't mess with me freshman, I'm a sophomore!!! or is it lawyer?

[Goldberry344]

well, sophmore, you can be not king AFTER MY CORRINATION!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. and there are 9 ring wraths. so there can be 9 disembodied ppl but there is only one KING. and that is NOT me! yet.

[Arathin]

Well then Freshman, I'll just have to kill you. That way I can be still not king, and then be king and rule the world!!!!! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm evil!!!

[Goldberry344]

no, if you killed me id still not be king!

[I.am.Smeagol]

I would solve the argument, but this blasted spot just popped up on my nose. Stupid spot! Elven spots last at <i>least</i> 500 years. I's still not gone, God Damn it!

[Arathin]

Well for a blasted spot, I would suggest a nice long bubble-bath in Queen Galadriel's mirror fountain. And don't believe her when she says that your hair clogged the drain.

[Goldberry344]

cause it was really her hair that clogged the drain...

[Arathin]

No, it wasn't her's. The hair was Celeborn's. Hehe. Read his own dairy, you silly Elf/Smeagol. (btw, celeborn's and galadreil's are now on Goldberry's site. hehe. go and read them. hehe. v. funny and educational)

[Goldberry344]

YAY! i have my own advertisement service. if you guys want me to do other diaries, tell me and ill try....and put them on my site. yay. i think the ring's is my best so far.

[I.am.Smeagol]

*Is writing my own autobiography. Weee, yes we are precious... Sssss*

[Arathin]

By far!!! The ring was amazingly funny.

[Goldberry344]

c'mon you guys!! i need new ideassssss!!!!!

is the biography for iamsmeagol.net/?

[I.am.Smeagol]

Yep, Yep. I shall wok on webpage over april break. Yeah!

[Arathin]

Hurrah!

[Goldberry344]

ya. yay smeagol. yay hobbits. yay still not king.

[Arathin]

Ah heck! YAY TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I leave anyone out? Oh yeah! I did!

YAY TO NO ONE AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[I.am.Smeagol]

*Blinks* Oh my. Thats right up there w/ Bilbo's Birthday Speach. *Goes off muttering in the corner.* Yay to everyone, yet Yay to No one... How can ti be everyone if we dont include no one, but if we include no one how can it be everyone... Deep.

[Goldberry344]

"I dont know half of you as well as i would like and i like half of you as well as you deserve!"

[Arathin]

Yes, quite. That is very fine, well, and dandy, but mine is more original. It came from this age at least.

[Goldberry344]

ok. if you insist. :^) dont feel like argueing.

Celeborn- hey, wheres my fluffy towel!

i dono.

[Arathin]

*while everyone is arguing about who will take the ring*

Frodo-Don't look at me! I won't take that stupid ring anywhere! Let Boromir have it, if he really wants it!

[Shadowfax]

Balrog: Gandalf...

Gandalf: :confused:

Balrog: I am your father!

Gandalf: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOooooooo.....!

[Rohansangel]

"More ale? No, I'll pass." -Pippin/Merry
"We would be honored to have a dwarf such as Gimli stay with us." -any elf in Lorien
"Whaddaya say we all try to get along!" -Lord of the Nazgul

And this would just be IMPOSSIBLE-Gollum getting a sentence out without using the words, "My precious"!

~The Angel of Rohan

[Arathin]

My precioussssss. ~anyone who hasn't worn the ring

Smeagol, be a dear and drop this ring in the fires of Mount Doom.
Sure thing Frodo. You're the boss, dude.

[Beorn]

Any elf: You only live once!

[Goldberry344]

sam: no, gandalf, i dont want to go with Mr. Frodo, im staying here and im marrying Rosie. and dont you play your magic tricks with me!

[Shadowfax]

"Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the streeeeaaaaaammmmmm!"
-Aragorn on the Anduin

Oh, #@$@%^&!
-Frodo on Weather Top

[Strider97]

Frodo to Gollum at the fires of Mt. Doom-

Damn it I told you to pull my finger

[Goldberry344]

i found this on a different thread....thought EVERYONE should see it..
Funniness (http://thetolkienforum.com/attachment.php?postid=80026)

[Frodo]

I got 1,
Frodo: Ha ha, Gandalfs gone, now I can put on the Ri-ing!:) :D ;) :cool:

[I.am.Smeagol]

*Muahaha* That piccy is so funny Goldberry!

[Goldberry344]

Thankee much, Smeagol. I was gonna do Tom B's diary....but i have no funny ideas.

[Rohansangel]

Ooh, he's not a bad boy. -Sauron's mother

[Shadowfax]

Oh, bloody hell, I'm out of arrows.
-legolas in the movie
(he never seemd to run out of them does he?)

[I.am.Smeagol]

Smeagol: Lets go tanning.
Aragorn: Okay, who said I wanted to be king in the first place?
Gimli: Does my beard make me look fat?
Legolas:Who stuck gum in my hair?

[My_Precious]

LOl, these are good...:D
I just posted here so you can see my new "location"...:o ;)

[Goldberry344]

I see, using the thread, i dont know about this, My Precious. ;) ;) ;)

[Arathin]

Hehe. These are great. Hehe.

Frodo~Why are my fingers all pruny?
Sam~Umm.... It is a side-effect of the Morgul Blade, Mister Frodo.

[Goldberry344]

Gandalf~Samwise making stupid excuses to Frodo as to why his fingers are pruny. "its Elf Medicine, mr frodo. i didnt let you touch a bath. no way. and there was no carrot in the bath i didnt let you take. dont worry, we didnt let merry or pippin, or me, do anything at all with you" Seriously, who does he think he is, The Heir of Gondor or something??

[My_Precious]

PEOPLE WHO NEVER READ BOOKS! I found a really nice site that gives it... mmmmm... a little bit shorter....:D :D :D :

The Hobbit (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.hobbit.shtml)
The Fellowship of the Ring (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.fellowship.shtml)

The Two Towers (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.twotowers.shtml)
The Return of the King (http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/b/tolkien.returnking.shtml)
Enjoy!:D

[legoman]

They are cool, I've read the 2001:space odessy one before, its ace!!!

[Goldberry344]

Aragorn
We must travel the Paths of the Dead.
Eowyn
You'll die.
(They don't.)


that is the best line... this is great!!

[Rohansangel]

OMG, these are sooo funny ...
The diaries are great! Just read them! Haha!

~The Angel of Rohan

[Goldberry344]

ohhh, Rohan's Angel, did you look at my webpage?? (http://members.aol.com/lilmanrox22/page2.html) i made up my own diaries, and they are there, i think they are funny, but thats me.

[Arathin]

Goldberry they are funny. I like the Ring's the most. Hey My Precious. Those are great. Thanks for putting them up. I still like my prunny bath finger being a side affect of the blade wound though. That was good. You have to admit that.

[My_Precious]

•What's the gooey stuff between a balrog's toes?
ANSWER: Slow orcs
•How many Tolkien purists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ANSWER: None -- the lightbulb was not in the book!
•How many hobbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ANSWER: Well, it takes twenty because:
Three to find a ladder that reaches up to the sky
Seven to find a lightbulb in the dark halls of stone
Nine to steady the ladder so the one on top doesn't die
One to install the lightbulb, on the ladder, all alone
In a land called The Shire, where very few shadows lie.
•How many hobbits does it take to change a light bulb?
Hobbits? Using LIGHT BULBS??!! The sacrilege! This is supposed to be a peaceful nontechnological agrarian society! You can just BET this is something Sharky introduced, mutter mutter...

:)

[Arathin]

Those are great, my precious. I mean great.

[My_Precious]

Thanks:)
Eowyn, at the climax, swings her sword with all her might, and the sword breaks in two upon the Nazgul's neck; Eowyn snaps, "Damn those smithies," and strangles the Nazgul before the shocked Merry (who had his sword raised and prepared) and the shocked rider.

[My_Precious]

Ice-Cream (http://www.tolkienonline.com/docs/3573.html)
:D

[Gary Gamgee]

Originally posted by My_Precious
•What's the gooey stuff between a balrog's toes?
ANSWER: Slow orcs
•How many Tolkien purists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ANSWER: None -- the lightbulb was not in the book!
•How many hobbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ANSWER: Well, it takes twenty because:
Three to find a ladder that reaches up to the sky
Seven to find a lightbulb in the dark halls of stone
Nine to steady the ladder so the one on top doesn't die
One to install the lightbulb, on the ladder, all alone
In a land called The Shire, where very few shadows lie.
•How many hobbits does it take to change a light bulb?
Hobbits? Using LIGHT BULBS??!! The sacrilege! This is supposed to be a peaceful nontechnological agrarian society! You can just BET this is something Sharky introduced, mutter mutter...

:)

:p LMAO genius pure brilliance:D :D

[My_Precious]

I'm happy you liked it...:D

[Goldberry344]

and the verdict on My_Precious' post by the Amateur Comedian is...


OMG THAT ROX!!! you are funnier than i am. but then again, i dont know how much effort that takes. but they are great newho :)

[My_Precious]

Naaah, you're better, because your diaries are sooo cool, and you found the original ones!:D :D :D
Do you like my sig?:D

[Rohansangel]

'Eowyn, at the climax, swings her sword with all her might, and the sword breaks in two upon the Nazgul's neck; Eowyn snaps, "Damn those smithies," and strangles the Nazgul before the shocked Merry (who had his sword raised and prepared) and the shocked rider.'

HAHA! HAHA! HEE HEE HEE

[Goldberry344]

push, not pull...thats great. but acctually it was I.Am.smeagol who found the diaries first. i got them second. (we go to school together...) but thanks newho!

[Arathin]

I will stay out of who is better, My Precious or Goldberry, because I would say My Precious. Really I can't tell which is better, but then their is the factor that I go to school with her and My Precious is very cool. So there I would say My Precious, but really, funny wise, I can't tell. I love the sig though My Precious. That happens to so many people. Hehe.

[Goldberry344]

you know what?? it doesnt matter, cause at the Tolkien Forum, we're all losers!

the score is......

My Precious: 7

Goldberry : 7

[I.am.Smeagol]

Except for me. Because I am a winner. Because I found the diaries. Go me. ^_~

[Goldberry344]

no, smeagol, you are a loser too, and you'd best lose that attitude...

lol

[Arathin]

Turns around, shaking her head, and walks away from those two.