Continue This Totally Ridiculous Story...

[Nenya Evenstar]

And Tizpora... Tzzipar... Tzipaara... Uh... Mary Anne fed him to her pet aligators for their afternoon tea. At that tea party was a certain gentleman named Klypar who had no idea why he was named what he was named, but it didn't matter as he was named that anyway. This gentleman enjoyed watching the aligator eat dessert so much that he wanted to come back and watch again tomorrow. Tizpora... Tzzipar... Tzipaara... Uh... Mary Anne had to promise to get some more dessert - probably camels from the Sahara Desert of Weirdos.

[Tar-Ancalime]

then bob went to college in the "National Terrorists university" and learended how to be a massuse

[Nenya Evenstar]

And a masseuse he became but for pigs not humans. So, he massaged pigs all day and dreamed of the Sahara Dessert of m&m's.

[Anamatar IV]

but 1 pig wouldnt pay Bob. So the pig and Bob engaged in Mud wrestling. But wouldnt ya know it it wasnt actually mud. Is was where they get food for the school cafeteria. So Bob was sent to a middle school cafeteria to serve food.

[Nenya Evenstar]

And he gave all the kids indegestion and the entire school had to go home sick.

[Wonko The Sane]

BUT unbeknownst to Bob, yet beknownst by the evil alien principal of this school, the indigestion wasn't REALLY indigestion, but the pain caused by thousands of alien larvae eating up the children's intestines.

[Nenya Evenstar]

But the principal blamed it all on Bob, and Bob was arrested for the discomfort of about 2000 some children. He was taken to court and forced to eat alien larvae from the new totalitarian alien government which was ruled by ants.

[HLGStrider]

The ants covered him in formic acid and used him as a bongo drum. They then held him up Lion King style and threw him in a pot of molassus and potatoes. The Alligators swam towards him, their tails thrashing like pendelums... Tick tock.

[Tar-Ancalime]

said the clock in his bedroom, and bob woke up, snuggley and warm, and with his bunny slipers beside his bed

[Wonko The Sane]

As he slid his toasty toes into his bunny slippers the slippers turned on him and bit his big toes off with their rabid bunny teeth!

[Tar-Ancalime]

from that he screamed "die you idioteic bunny slippers" till his voice no longer functoned

[Wonko The Sane]

He picked up a yellow parasol from the corner of the room and brandished it like a flaming sword. "Elendil!" he yelled as he leaped from the bed and pounced on the offending bunny slippers, stabbing all the while with the dull plastic knob of his parasol.

[HLGStrider]

As he was doing this he happened to catch sight of a semi out side his window. However it was the cab of the truck minus the trailer. It had no trailer and he could not help but wonder... Where is that trailer? Did it leave it somewhere? What if it was carrying a load of live chickens? What if those chickens are out there somewhere, abandoned, and he doens't even know it... What if he thinkns they are still back there? What if they enter a small rural community and take it over? What if the rural communities inhabitants leave for fear of the chickens? What if they stay there and develop great technology, living off the frozen TV dinners in the abandoned Safeway? What if they run out of food and must branch out to new horizons... ??? What if they take over Washington state? What if the go to Seattle and climb to the top of the Space Needle? What if once on the top they decide to try and fly? What if, because they are chickens, they can't fly? What if they all land in a heep and only the last few survive? What if the resistance, led by weasels, then attacks? What if they must steal a car and flee south? What if they must swim the Columbia river and hide in a trailer...? What if the truck guy then realizes they're missing and goes back to look for them? What if he finds them and hooks back on the trailer and continues on his way? Would we ever know how this had happened and how the Chicken's love for flying and a weak weasel resistance had saved the world???

[Samwise_hero]

And then Bob's thought's snapped back to present and the piercing pain in his right kneecap where one of the bunny slippers had just bitter off half of his knee. Then an awesome EEEEEWWWWWWWW was heard from the audience...........audience? What audience?...........the walls of Bob's bedroom suddenly start to move to releal a live audience and the fact that Bob is the star of his own TV show. "WOW" bob calls out " i always wanted to be just like Truman!!!!!!!!" But suddenly Jim Carey starts running towards bob with a machetti yelling "YOU COPY CAT YOU STOLE MY SHOW". And then suddenly in a cloud of smoke, Puff The Magic Dragon appears to save Bob from his near death encounter (this guy has to get a less stressful life! Geez!!)........

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Bob's mind roams back to the thoughts of the helpless chickens on the lonely Space Needle and he abandons his bunny slipper battle and the strangely morphed bedroom and hikes to the airport, despite his half-eaten kneecap and missing toes.
He hops a plane and 16 hours later arrives in Seattle, where he is greeted at the airport by....

[HLGStrider]

the weasel resistance who immediately identify him to be an enemy...

ooc: my last post being so long I can afford a short one now.

[Anamatar IV]

and the weasles attacked bob. So bob drew his papaer towel roll and started to fight the weasles in melee combat. the fight had gotten so good that the weasles and bob were sucked into the video game super smash bros melee.

[HLGStrider]

Then the power went out and Bob was all alone, converted into digital form, on a back up file. He sat there waiting for the power to go back on.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and the audience walked out....pouting at the lack of sense

[Wonko The Sane]

But little did the audience know, a tiny girl name Fleur Des Jardins was still in the auditorium.

She picked up a microphone and started to sing, 'Manic Monday' over the loudspeaker!

[HLGStrider]

They threw Tomatoes at Bob... including BOB THE TOMATO!!!

[Tar-Ancalime]

and darth vader said "Ha luke i told you so!"

[HobbitGirl]

Bob was very confused. There was some crazy girl singing a crazy song on stage, Darth Vader and Luke were the only ones in the audience, and the rest of the audience was throwing tomatoes at him. Just then Darth Vader was overcome with the tomato rage and lept onto the stage, brandishing his lightsaber. Bob used the Force to steal Luke's lightsaber so he could duel with Vader. Their lightsabers clashed, and there was lots of static electriciy and buzzing noises in the air. Then Vader said to Bob, "Guess what? I am your father's brother's cousin's nephew's former roommate! Mua ha ha!"

[Anamatar IV]

Bob screamed in agony! "NO NO NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he fell off an extremely high balcony and fell onto the millenium falcon.

[HobbitGirl]

When Bob was in the Millenium Falcon he recognized his old friend (turned enemy turned friend again) Han Solo. Bob said, "Hey Han! Don't you recognize me?" Han looked over at Bob and said, "Oh, it's you! You're that guy who ditched out on my school of monotone acting!" At the mention of the acursed school, Bob once agian fell crying to the floor and curled up in the fetal position.

[Tar-Ancalime]

but leia went to the distraught bob, and said,"How could you be such a bad actor!"

[HLGStrider]

He began to sob harder... "It isn't my fault... I was just born that way..."

Then a rabid bunch of democrats attacked Leia and threw her out the air lock.

"LEIA!!! COME BACK!!!" Han leapt after her. The democrats then turned on Bob, drool forming from the corners of their mouths. They came closer... and closer... Bob cowered against the wall... They reached for him and just when they were close enough to tear his heart out the leader said.
"We would like to talk to you about life insurance."

[HobbitGirl]

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOO! NOT LIFE INSURANCE SALESMEN! OH MERCIFUL HEAVEN, ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Bob screamed, and threw himself out of an airlock.

[HLGStrider]

He landed on the ground two feet below... apparently the Falcon had been parked the whole time. Nearby Han and Leia were making daisy chains and painting each other's toes.

[HobbitGirl]

Bob thought he was in Nirvana agian because he had seen people making daisy chains there. He said absentmindedly, "Where are those giant cookies?" Then he laid down on the asphalt and went to sleep.

[HLGStrider]

While he slept Han and Leia painted his toenails pink and covered him in flowers.
They then danced around him in a marriage ceremony that was a mix between Hindu and Hebrew tradtions.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Bob found 5 dollars.

[Anamatar IV]

but the money was enchanted. it stuck its tongue out at bob and danced away. The wind blew the money away from bob but bob wanted the money really bad since he forgot his wallet next to his bed when he was fighting the bunny slippers. SO he ran after the money and soon reached a vast desert that looked alot like a simpson episode that looked alot like a twilite zone episode.

[Wonko The Sane]

And in the desert he found a man lying in a puddle of camel spit. He walked up to the man and kicked him in the head and he man bit his shin.

[HLGStrider]

He then ran off yelling "A CABANA SQUASH BANANA!!!"

That's when Bob realized that the man was really a baboon... He was simultatenously attacked by the LION KING!!!

[Nenya Evenstar]

but Simba came running to his rescue and killed his own father. Bob was then elevated to the position of Lion King got to eat carmel all day long. He was now 119 years old.

[HLGStrider]

his birthday candles set the Serengeti aflame!!!

[Tar-Ancalime]

and a Vesuvius came for a party, too bad the volcano had to send lava as a present to bob

[Wonko The Sane]

And seeing the excitement from the lava and volcanoes, and not being able to resist, of course, Plate Tectonics Geek arrived on the scene and began swimming in the lava and hurling it at passing pedestrians.

[HLGStrider]

and again Bob began to think Why are their pedestrians in the middle of the Serengeti... does it have anything to do with the chickens??? Perhaps they moved here from Seatle fleeing the chicken invasion. On the boat over here they got in a fight with the cantalope man and perhaps he sentenced them to walk and walk... forever walk? What would it be like to walk forever? I wouldnt' like it... Would you? Would anyone? Forest Gump ran for a long time but that isn't walking? Would he like to walk for a long time? What happens when you die? Do you have to walk when you die? Maybe you can fly? OR RUN!!!

Bob managed to pull his mind back to the crisis at hand.

[Wonko The Sane]

The crisis at hand of course being whether or not Plate Tectonics Geek would ever be able to afford his phone bill. :D

[HLGStrider]

Then Elgee came up and said "It's blantantly obvious. If you don't stop soon the IRS is going to come up and plant geraniums in your ears. If you don't stop throwing Lava the world will explode in two or three milliniums and then we will never know what the Vulcan high command really thinks of it... That would be tragic... wouldn't it?"

[Wonko The Sane]

To which Plate Tectonics Geek responded: "That's Pants!!", shortly later, "I like ducks!"

[Tar-Ancalime]

Bob shook his head and quesnting why life came here

[Wonko The Sane]

And then he stopped questioning things because Plate Tectonics Geek slapped him in the head with a two-by.

[HLGStrider]

The Geek had left the four out of the two by four for religious reasons so Bob really wasn't hurt that much. Then Elgee's uncle, the lumber plant manager, came by and started lecturing everyone on the difference between ponderosa and fir. Bob's head was spinning with terms like knots, clear, and two by fours. Hearing the sacriligous word Two-by-four, the Plate Tectonic Geek threw himself in front of a 747.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and fell into the oncomming plane becase the thought that it would further inhance the lava's dancing number if they were nervous.

[Wonko The Sane]

But then Plate Tectonics Geek realized it would be stupid if he let himself be killed by a 747 because of how fearful he was of the number 4.
So he calmy sidestepped the oncoming plane and then boarded it.

It was outbound for Seattle, and filled with monkeys on typewriters.

[HLGStrider]

who completed Romeo and Juliet and then started on the Origen of Species... they had that done by lunch.

[Wonko The Sane]

And by lunch they arrived in Seattle where they all boarded a large monkey bus and took them to Wonko the Sane's house in Bellevue.

Where Wonko greeted them and invited them in for tea.

[Tar-Ancalime]

but they trashed her house!

[HobbitGirl]

And the monkeys invited a hundred bazillion people to Wonko's house and they had a huge party. Some of the guests included the Guacamole Girl, the Harrison Fords, Spongebob Squarepants, George Bush, and a busload of hippies that had been time-warped from the Sixties. Bob ducked as one of the Guacamole Girl's avacados whizzed over his head, and then dodged two monkeys that had thrown themselves at George Bush and were shoving rotten pears into the upturns of his suit.

[Samwise_hero]

The beings in the house were making a lot noise and the Three Little Pigs from next door were getting upset. So they came over and said that's it! The time for a revolution is now and us pigs are going to take over..........MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (obviously they had been reading too much of animal farm, what was George Orwell thinking encouraging pigs to rebel and boss us mere humans around!!!!!)...........But Bob wouldn't take it so he..........................

[HLGStrider]

confessed his undying love for both Wonko and the Guacamoli girl... He couldn't chose between them so he asked them to fight it out over him in a three day chess tournament against four White House Aides and the Simpson family.

[Wonko The Sane]

But at that point Wonks had retired to her bedroom with Plate Tectonics Geek and asked that they kindly not be disturbed.
So Wonks's brother wonko, who's a better chess player anyway, kindly volunteered to sit in during the chess tournement.
But only if his pal Ryan could come too, and as they are joined at the hip, Bob kindly agreed.
So wonko and Ryan entered the chess tourney under the name Rah-Jay. Which is a combo of both they're names since they are inseparable.

But Bob was becoming disillusioned at Wonks's running off with Plate Tectonics Geek and was leaning evermore towards choosing Guacamole Girl to be his undying lover.

So as Rah-Jay and Guacamole Girl sat down to a grueling chess tournement Bob began the arduous task of knitting a wedding veil out of cheese cloth and cat fur for his lovely bride-to-be.

[Nenya Evenstar]

But the blue cow of The Aged Grandmother would have none of it and slapped the Rah-Jay duo until they were blue in the face with yellow pimples. Being satisfied with her work, she set about to eat the wedding veil - all that was left anyway after the birds got to it. Then Wonko got tired of the Geek and came home screaming, "Die, pumpkin pie! Die!!!!" And the sun moved one inch closer to the earth.

[Wonko The Sane]

But then the sun realised that Wonks would never tire of The Geek and so it moved back an inch and Wonks ran back to her room and resumed her *ahem* activities.

Then Bob smiled because his choice was made for him and he turned to his true love, The Blue Cow of the Aged Grandmother and gave it a big wet sloppy kiss!

[Nenya Evenstar]

The cow mooed and the Aged-Grandmother smiled. She had accomplished her purpose and could now go see what to do with the knitting needles that had just grown out of Bob's ears.

[Wonko The Sane]

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a little child named Lapis Lazuli was crocheting a hammock for her 1 legged cousin when she dropped a stitch. Consumed with her feelings of failure she drowned herself in a vat of cleaning solution and jell-o and her happily freed spirit skipped up into the hills singing, "There ain't no bugs on me...there ain't no bugs on me..."

Back at Wonks's house people were knocking on her door trying to disturb her and so she smacked them with a board.

And then she found five dollars.

[Tar-Ancalime]

Than in the blink of an eye, George bush came in with the chinesse president and said,"What the hell are you doing in my house!'

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks and Plate Tectonics Geek sat bolt upright in bed and realized they were NOT in Kansas anymore!!!

[Nenya Evenstar]

And the clock fell off the wall and landed in the dog's water dish and splashed George Bush's suit with dog slobber. He began to cry and blubber while the Chinese President laughed, "Hahahahaha!!!!!" Wonko and Geek just stared.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then they started to make out...
But Beorn, of TTF moderator fame, came by and made them go off to their own private room away from the blubbering president and the hysterical Chinese Ambassador.

[HLGStrider]

The Chinese President announced he was going to bomb Moldova, but Beorn deleted his count so he commited suicide by hitting his head against a watermelon while wearing a leisure suit. Bob was now wide eyed and to make things worse the Guacamoli girl annouced she was going to join herself to Wonko's other hip.

[Wonko The Sane]

And wonko was infinitely pleased because he had not had a girlfriend in..well...pretty much ever. So he delightedly let her claim her place on his free hip and Guaca-Rah-Jay-mole-Girl paraded around the room singing "Down in the Valley".

Meanwhile Wonks the Fox and Plate Tectonics Geek had moved far far away so they could cuddle and talk about volcanoes and continental drift in peace.

[HLGStrider]

Which is why the world ended in a huge cloud of macaroni and cheese powder.

[Nenya Evenstar]

But you CAN'T forget the Alpine Touch! The macaroni and cheese was covered with Apline Touch - so much in fact that it couldn't be eaten by the family of badgers which lived on the hill next to The Aged-Grandmother's chicken coop.

[HLGStrider]

But they did forget the Alpine touch... and that was why Bob was sentenced to live under neath a bridge playing double solitaire with mice for the next twenty years. Wonko felt sorry for him and chose to join him in exile.

[Wonko The Sane]

wonko the BOY that is. Who is NOW referred to as Guaca-Rah-Jay-Mole-Girl because of the two people he has attached to his hips.

Wonks The Fox and Plate Tectonics Geek however did NOT join Bob, becuase they were too busy laughing at Bob, cuddling, and playing a little chess of their own. (All whilst discussing continental drift, mind you!)

[HobbitGirl]

And one day Bob decided to get a pet cat. The cat ate all the solitare-playing mice, and Bob was free, Free, FREE!!!!

[Nenya Evenstar]

So the customer picked him off the Wal-Mart shelf and took him home to sit outside as a scarecrow in the garden.

[Tar-Ancalime]

where he sufferd from horrible frost bite, by the end of the winter he had no limbs left and was named Torsocrow

[HobbitGirl]

And the crows all attacked Bob, but he could't defend himself because he was limbless...and the crows ate him. Poor Bob had died AGAIN. But he didn't go to Nirvana like he had hoped; instead he was reincarnated as a squirrel because he had bills to pay and other unfinished business.

[HLGStrider]

However his creditors would not accept acorns as Payment so they sold him to a flying squirel circus where he had to battle the owls wearing a gladiator costume...

[Nenya Evenstar]

Unfortunately, during one of his performances he had an unfortunate encounter with Lilo the Clown and had to go to the hospital to get the teeth marks removed from his arms. While there he dreamt of pigeons and cochroaches, and when he awoke he became aware that it hadn't been a dream.

[HLGStrider]

The Squirrels had all driven the roaches into his hospital room where they were furiously vying for superiority against the pigeons. Burt was waddling around "Doing the... Piiiiiiiiigeon..." Ernie than ran in with the Boogie Woogie Sheep and Rubber Ducky. They threw Bob into the garbage can where Oscar hid him with the elephants and then sent him to Abu Dabi with Nermal the cute kitten.

[HobbitGirl]

And then a huge comet that came from somewhere in Pluto's armpit crashed into the Earth and the world plunged into two thousand years of perpetual blackness and everyone fell asleep. Bob dreamed....

[HLGStrider]

about pizza with extra ketchup and blackberries... he dreamed that the peaches attacked earth. He dreamed that they were tickling his toes and making him into an Italian Soda.

[Tar-Ancalime]

ahh what creamy deligths bob enticed himself in....wait...he's not in nirvana yet...this movie sucks...waste of my cash!

[Nenya Evenstar]

So the movie theatre owner kicked Tar out of the theatre for making a disturbance during the movie by throwing her popcorn at the other movie goers. And Bob climbed out of the screen in the form of a hairy spider....

[Tar-Ancalime]

Tar went back in, and in seeing the spider said, "YOU FOUL SPAWN OF UNOLIGANT,"She screamed taking a knife at Bob.

[Nenya Evenstar]

And Tar was arrested for first degree murder and violation of movie theatre laws. :rolleyes: Her lawer was Tom Hanks, but he didn't do a good job so Tar ended up in prison for life. And the ghost of Bob haunted her day in and day out.

[Wonko The Sane]

Tom Hanks, meanwhile, went on to make loads of money washing the Escalades and Navigators up in Hollywood Hills.

[Nenya Evenstar]

And Tar went insane from being torchured by poor Bob's torchured ghost. :p The two of them finally became fast insane friends and they lived in the jail as happy little crickets.

[Wonko The Sane]

Until one day some bug eater tunneled into their cell while trying to escape and ate them...

[HLGStrider]

And just when things couldn't get worse the mods moved the thread from Writers to Role Playing and Wonko challanged Elgee over the Weirdo seat... Elgee put the popcorn box over her head and ran around playing "From The Earth to the Moon." She was one of the dogs.

[aDaHe]

as she ran she could not see and ran head first into George Bush surraunded by his MIB,"ahhhh" they yelled in unison and started a personal punch up that the MIB only sat there and laughed as the president got the **** betten out of him.
2 hours passed and it contined...

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Wonko ran off to hide under the table and wonder how she could have a) Let herself get so tall, and b) decided to fall for someone who was totally wrong for her...until she realized that none of it mattered so long as the ducks were happy.
And they were.
So she gave her blessing to their ducky union and went on her merry way.

[captin_obvious]

untill one day, the smurfs came out and sang their smurfy song dancing around the dead monkey and weasle while bob got reincarnates as spam. after he got home, the cows ate him and fell over dead from food poisening. after that, the flying monkeys came out and sang 'ding dong, the which is dead...' while jumping on the dead cows. ten, a big glob od dog **** came out of the sky smothering and killing everyone, including the dead cows, who go moo. when the kleen up crew came by, the herd a mooing noise and got totally freaked out that they ran away going 'aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkbbbbbllllaaaaaannnnnniiii vvvvvvveeeeeettttttyyyyyuuuuuurrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!' which made no sense whatsoever to bob, who was now a car.

[Wonko The Sane]

And the two ducks of which Wonks spoke climbed into the car to lay eggs and have more ducks and such.

[captin_obvious]

when the kleen up people finally got the courage to go back to the car, the ducks were there! the ducks decided that they wanted bob so the killed the kleen up people by pecking their internal organs out. don't ask me how the ducks did this, i guess they are very powerful ducks. after the ducks killed the people, the penguins came down from their spaceship in the hole bob fell down and distroyed everone on the earth, including bob! then fred came out and started laffing at the dead geoge bush laying on the ground curled up like al litte sissy girl with, *GASP* a can of un opened spam in his hand! (*GASP* again)! then fred stole the can of spam and shouted "I'M THE RICHEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!!!! the geoge bush came majickally back alive and said, "dammit fred, gimme my spam back!" then fred ran away laffing like a little skool girl. then, the secret service came out of the same hole bob fall in and scared the bejeebies out of fred! after that, fred fell down dead because the s.s scared the bejeebies out of fred.(and we all know we cant live without our bejeebies) and the s.s. all laffed and said, "hey....lets go get some coffe and doghnuts....." and the all skipped merrily down the yellow brick road, singing 'We're off to see the wizzard...'

[Wonko The Sane]

And suddenly they were all run over by a lorry.

[Tar-Ancalime]

Finally Tar escaped taking out her vengance on Elgee for the refusal of her omlets so long ago.

[Eöl]

And she smote him and ate omelets to her fill until the penguin warlord Mighty Mouse attacked.

[Tar-Ancalime]

she anihlated the penguin and took a nap

[Wonko The Sane]

While Sylvia lay sick among the silverware.

[Eöl]

And the Mighty Penguin was resurrected and fought again for the omelets.

[Wonko The Sane]

While Sylvia quietly vomited amongst the cutlery.

[HLGStrider]

Elgee made her own omeletes... so there...

[Tar-Ancalime]

but ignored the valiant effort because of HAM!!!

[Wonko The Sane]

While Sylvia recovered from her illness and went to hide in a puddle, but was delayed due to an excessively long ovserseas phone call from the International Man of Mystery. Who made her swoon.
So she had to be revived with Diet Pepsi and Nerds candy.

[Tar-Ancalime]

bob gave her a back massage and she went back into her swoon

[Wonko The Sane]

Which was especially appropriate as Sylvia had spent the entire night before hiking all over Somerset hill with a pack full of books, and Hum-Bow from the vietnamese restaurant at the mall.

But then Sylvia swooned again. And the International Man of Mystery had to give her a kiss to revive her.

[HLGStrider]

But Bob jumped up and down on his spinal cord to make him stop and then threw him into the range stove. Out came the old witch who said...

[Wonko The Sane]

"Cor blimey luvaduck!"

[HLGStrider]

that was why the dogs started barking... that was why the monster came... that was why I painted on a moustache and kitty cat whiskers with mascara...

[Wonko The Sane]

That's also why the seventh moon of Klan-pflugit donned a pink party dress and frolicked with the elves and men in Dunharrow.

But NOT why Wonks conducted secret illicit business with sexy Brits at all hours of the night....ooh wait...that should read:

That's NOT why the seventh moon goddess of Klan-pflugit donned a pink party dress and frolicked with the elves and men in Dunharrow.

But it IS why Wonks conducted secret illicit business with sexy Brits at all hours of the night.

Because really, who can resist a Brit who'll say "Cor Blimey Luvaduck!"?!

:rolleyes:

[HLGStrider]

ELGEE COULD!!!

Elgee boogies...

The ducks boogie.

The boobie man really boogied...

BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks boogied.

But in an entirely different way of course.

[HLGStrider]

in and incredibly awful evil way! Not at all nice and weird like Elgee and ehr cats... Then Wonko put a pie on Elgee's head.

[Wonko The Sane]

It was Banana Cream! And mmmmm.

But it wasn't evil or awful boogieing that Wonks did. It was delightful and entrancing.

At least her dancing partner gave no complaints.

[HLGStrider]

Elgee hates bannanas... that was evil...

Dr. Laura came in and cleaned up the mess. She then kidnapped Bob and the Harrison Fords for counseling.

[Tar-Ancalime]

but Han Solo mistook tar ancalime for Princess Leia so he began to flirt with her.

[Wonko The Sane]

Until he realised that he loved Wonks more and so he went up to her and asked for a bit of a snog.

And Wonks joyfully complied.

[Tar-Ancalime]

than his mind was suddenly turned to an aluring figure...Tar as Leia and he said to wonks "Later babe"

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Plate Tectonics Geek got jealous and came and slapped Han Solo with a board and Han Solo died, his last words before he UNARGUABLY PASSED AWAY were "I love Wonks" effectively ending the Tar vs. Wonks argument as to whom Han Solo really wanted.

[HLGStrider]

Then it started to rain apple flavored air heads and cheese pizza. A bunch of starving half crazed weasels chased Weird Al out of the donut shop and he got in a fight with Bob over who got the last bear claw.

[HobbitGirl]

But Bob ran away with the bear claw before Al could beat him up, and Al said "I HATE SOURKRAUT!!!!!"

And Bob walked away singing, "Everything you know is wrong, black is white up is down and short is long...."

[HLGStrider]

eThen Zelda, the love of both Bob and Al's life entered the room... she was like a breath of fressh air... she was like that feeling you get when you are watching your math homework burn... BURN BABY BURN...

[HobbitGirl]

And in an attempt to impress the fabulous Zelda, Al began to make up parodies of really bad disco songs on the spot. Bob began to break dance and hit his head on the wall while in mid-spin.

[HLGStrider]

He dreamed he was back in bed, listening to a lecture on Home Economics by his Bunny Slippers and the Plate Tectonics Geek. They then sewed him into a pillow and hid him under the first base of Anaheim's angel's stadium.

[Wonko The Sane]

And Bob sighed about the glory that is ANY dream that features Plate Tectonics Geek, even if it is just about Home Economics lessons and Bunny Slippers and no snogging is involved to speak of.

But when Bob woke up, cruelly abandoned by Plate Tectonics Geek and said Bunny Slippers, sewn into a pillow under first base of the Angel's stadium he wept salty tears for his misfortune in life and he chewed his way free only to meet with...

[Tar-Ancalime]

really the argument wasn't ended because it was a mistranslation (sorry wonks).

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Plate Tectonics Geek slaps Tar-Ancalime with a board and Tar forgets what she was talking about and goes to reassmble broken pretzels in the corner of the room.

[Tar-Ancalime]

NO he doesnt, he slaps wonko...I can vouch for that

[HLGStrider]

But Elgee got a job as a sportscaster! There she was happy... the bunny slippers worked with her towards world peace.

[Wonko The Sane]

Originally posted by Tar-Ancalime
NO he doesnt, he slaps wonko...I can vouch for that

Which meant nothing because a) Tar was already out cold, and b) Plate Tectonics Geek would never slap his beloved Wonko with a board.

[Tar-Ancalime]

No shes not because she's typing, Ha!" Exclaimed TAR

[Wonko The Sane]

Which didn't negate the fact that Plate Tectonics Geek would never hit Wonks.

But then Elgee turned into a zombie and bit Tar's neck and exclaimed "I vant to suck your blood" at which point Tar turned on her and said, "You're supposed to be a zombie, you idiot. Not a vampire! You're supposed to eat my flesh not drink my blood!" And Elgee said, "Oh...sorry" wiped her mouth and walked away to re-read the script.
And then Wonks realized she was being stupid and tossed Han Solo to tar saying: "You can have him. Plate Tectonics Geek and I are going to go be deliriously happy over there for a while."

[HobbitGirl]

And then the Hobbit Girl laughed at all the people fighting over ugly guys and walked arm in arm with her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart west of the moon and east of the sun.

[Wonko The Sane]

Until Wonks slapped Hobbit Girl with a board for calling her man ugly.

[Tar-Ancalime]

"Yay!" Tar said, and then joined in hurting hobbit girl

[HobbitGirl]

"Ah! Oh! Ag!" cries Hobbit Girl as she is mercilessly beaten by the two mean people. But just in time her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart whisks her away to safety.

[Wonko The Sane]

At which point Tar and Wonks throw their boards at the retreating couple.

That'll show you to call our men ugly!

[HobbitGirl]

Hobbit Girl ignored the pain of the flying boards, but what was harder to ignore was the pain of guilt. Finally she flung herself at Wonko and Tar's feet and cried, "Please, please forgive me for calling your men ugly! In fact, that Plate Techtonics Geek is kind of cute..." Hobbit Girl ducked as both Wonko and Tar took a swing at her and ran away into the arms of her gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart.

[HLGStrider]

Elgee finished reading the script and went to audition for a part in Hello Dolly. However, they threw her out because she could not sing and in a moment of insanity hired Harison Ford, still dead, to play Horace Vanderguilder.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and then ali hackem from Oklahoma began to call wonko his persian kitten because their the ones with the soft, round tails

[HLGStrider]

Elgee curled up purring.

[Tar-Ancalime]

but ado annie and Gurdie Cummings were both enraged and forced eglee into a cat fight.

[HLGStrider]

but she cried and made such a fuss that they were embarrassed and turned her over to an albino hamster. The hamster took Bob as well and made him run on his spinning wheel.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Wonko realised her life was a train wreck so Plate Tectonics Geek gave her a back massage and they went off to drink moonshine and sit around a bonfire built in a wheelbarrow.

[captin_obvious]

and then, jobob came running in, yelling "hahahahahahaahahahahaha! you all suck! you all fight over ugly men! hahahahahahaahahahahahaha!" and skipped marrily out before anyone coud hurt her, all the while, jobob was singing 'mary had a little lamb'......while everyone stared the hall that majickallly appeared out of the wall where the dead hon solo lay....wondering who the crazy psyco lady was.

[Wonko The Sane]

And suddenly Jobob was run over by a lorry.

[Tar-Ancalime]

Wait a minute rewind ....when did my han solo die?

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Wonks rolls her eyes at Tar's silliness and goes off to fall asleep in the arms of the wonderful Plate Tectonics Geek.

[HobbitGirl]

The Hobbit Girl then walked up to JoBob and said, "Be careful whose guy you call ugly. They will tar and feather you!" :eek: Before she walked away, she turned around and said to JoBob, "Are you a cow? Is that why you say Moo? Or are you one of the secret order of Cow Howlers? I am a Cow Howler! Join me in howling in the manner of the cows!"

MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[HLGStrider]

Then the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died besides Weird Al and his tenor saxophone.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and we all sang harvey the wonder hamster

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Wonks woke up and decided she was up for a bit of fun, so she bought three pounds of margarine and melted it in a plastic wading pool and then pulled out an enormous artichoke and began to eat it.

[HLGStrider]

ooc: give this thread a rating!

The artichoke suddenly became alive. It opened it's big jaws and snapped up Harison Ford and half the Harison Ford clones. It then attacked the ground hog and took Bill Murray captive.

[Wonko The Sane]

At which point Wonks's cell phone began to ring and vibrate in her pocket. She picked it up and on the other end she heard a delightfully English and delightfully male voice say: "Artichoke".

And she fainted.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and Tar laughed

[HobbitGirl]

And Hobbit Girl looked around and around for the Captin of the Obvious, but she was no where to be found. While she was spinning she ran into Bob and accidentally knocked him over. Bob fell, and as he fell he turned into a microorganism and powered his cillia to swim away from the insanity.

[Wonko The Sane]

And while Wonks was asleep she had a dream, that the Englisman on the phone had moved to Seattle to live with her and they went shopping for dinner and they were going to buy artichokes but the artichokes were out of season and had bugs on them.

And then she woke up and her phone told her that she was loved and she smiled and sighed and fell back asleep deliriously happy.

(True story!)

[HLGStrider]

It was all the phones fault. Talking phones that tell people they are loved or hated or disgusted or whatever were spreading rapidly across the country due to the evil Natzi Patty Hamburger company, led by Bull E. Bullroarer. Only one man could oppose Bullroarer and his evil phones. CAPTAIN VASCHNITAVASHNORKAL, the inventer of the snorkle with the breathing tube shaped like Mickey Mouse ears. He came in on his famous Submarine, the Bleep-Bleep-Bleep.

[Wonko The Sane]

It wasn't a talking phone...it was a text message.

And Elgee fell over from drinking too much Sambuca and telling wild stories about submarines and sea-men.

[HobbitGirl]

Hobbit Girl asked, "What about Bob? Where did he go?" And the blue-and-purple-three-legged-dog answered in a high, squeaky voice, "Bob's a paramecium!"

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks got worried.

[HobbitGirl]

And Bob swam. He swam and he swam and he swam. He swam until his cillia no longer worked and his chloroplasts turned yellow. At last when he could swim no longer Bob hit saltwater. He drifted around in the ocean until a whale swallowed him up. Bob thought it was all over. He was so scared he emptied his vacuoles. But just then a little pink fairy flew down through the whale's blowhole and changed Bob back to normal: the way he had been when he first fell down the hole in his bedroom. Bob was so happy to be human again he wanted to throw a party, but he remembered that he was in a whale's stomach. So Bob gathered up a bunch of debris that was floating around in the whale's stomach and built himself a boat. He rowed right out of the whale's mouth and was soon being tossed about by the ocean in his little boat.

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks cried.

[HLGStrider]

OOC: Ok guys and gals... let's stop talking about ourselves. This story is about Bob...
IC:
Suddenly Tar, Elgee, Wonko, and the Hobbitgirl disappeared and went to live in their own private dreamworld, Tar with Han Solo, Elgee with Aragorn, Wonko with the Plate Techtonics Geek and a few guys with accents, and Hobbit Girl with the green eyed fellow.

Bob was tossed about on the ocean. Suddenly the Red October serfaced beneath him and Alec Baldwin yelled out "VOTE DEMOCRATIC OR I'LL MOVE TO BRAZIL AND SEND TURKEY VULTURES TO STALK YOU!"

[Tar-Ancalime]

he said, "NOOOOO, I cant be lax on my morals, those democrats dont even brush their teeth"

[Wonko The Sane]

OOC: Plate Tectonics Geek IS a guy with an accent...and besides, I want only him...can you change your character write off a bit so that it's true!? *feigns righteous indignation*

IC: And Bob smiled revealing row upon row of perfect teeth, and said, "But us Republicans we're the picture of dental hygeine!"

[Tar-Ancalime]

"Yay!" the republicans said.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then the Republicans did their victory dance and made the Democrats eat lard and sing show tunes.

[HLGStrider]

Linedancing democrats singing show tunes is not a pretty sight so Bob fainted. When awoke Hillary Clinton was turning him on a spit above a fire of old white water documents. Bill was nearby talking to Princess Leia about a personal matter.

[Wonko The Sane]

When Bob started screaming he shouted: Oh my god! Not again!!!

And Bill turned and said, "Hey! I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!" as he jerked his thumb in Leia's direction.

[Tar-Ancalime]

bob just wondered what drugs he was using

[HLGStrider]

Leia sniffed. "Of course he didn't," she said. She then hit him over the head with her brother's light saber and ran off with an Ewok.

[captin_obvious]

then jobob came running on and wondered where bob was. then, she saw the carred remnants of bob on a smoldering stck nearby. jobob was hungare, and bob did look good.....10 minutes later, when there was no more bob left, jobob realized that democrats were in the room. jobob got out her toothbrush and started to brush her teeth. all the democrats sawand started aying in unison, "AAAAHHHHHH! I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH HER!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!" and the all melted into a large puddle of democratic goo. then a water buffalo came out and went moo. after billy-norman, the water buffalo, went moo, he decided whe wanted a drink.....and there WAS the democratic goo....5 minutes later, there was no democratic doo puddle.....to say the least.. then jobob went "YEE HAW! GIDDY UP BILLY-NORMAN!" and the trotted merrily out, just in time to get away from the celebrating republicans moshing to motzart.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then a girl walked into the room, who slightly resembeled Wonks but who wasn't Wonks because this story is about Bob, and Bob began to hit Wonks with a board, and then all sorts of girls came on from all over the place some of them English some of them not, and began to hit Wonks-Alike with boards too.

[Tar-Ancalime]

Bob cried out in fear "I'm surrounded by wonks lookalikes, I wish that I was alladin and could call them off with my genie"

[HLGStrider]

Bob, who was alive and dead at the same time having been eaten by Jobob and also being present to wonk the wonkers. He watched that watcher watch watching that bee.

[HLGStrider]

The bees attacked with mercy. They were the perfect bees from the placeyou'veneverbeen before, the perfect island surrounded by the perfect storm you can only get through in the perfect boat if you leave on Wednesday at 5 am..

OCC this and Vischnitavasnorkel I am borrowing from some boys I know with mental problems...

[Tar-Ancalime]

where the mayor's wife can faint and her dutiful husband they mayor will always catch her...

*based on pesonal expirence*

[HLGStrider]

Then one day the Mayor's husband missed which set off a chain reaction which made the island start to sink into the sea while Sebastian the Crab sang with Rikki Martin.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and than Justice league came to save the island

[captin_obvious]

then, out of nowehere, the whale came up and swallowed rikki martin and the world rejoyced...even the salsa in the bottle made with fake tomatoes grown in the 'secret' labs that 'nobody' knoes about was very gleeful....if that's even a word....after the tomatoes were done being happy because they got eaten, george bush came out and said, "ATTACK SUDAM!!!! ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTTAAACCCKKK!!!!!!!" and so, the military, along with bob, went out and attacked sudam. thus causing sudam to fall out of his chair in the clouds and doing a faceplant onto the ground below. it wasn't the falling for so long that hurt sudam(for he rather liked that part), but it was the sudden stop and the loosing the bejeebies that hurt him, then, adventually killed him(because we can't live without our bejeebies.HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!)then george did his patented 'happy dance' and lived happily ever after.

[Tar-Ancalime]

or so CNN told us...

but what really happend was...bob was dreaming, iin his dream George bush came and said..."REgister for the draft!"...bob thinking george was God did. and they caught saddam, but since the lawyers had their way Saddam died in an insane asylum on an asprin overdosage/

[HLGStrider]

Then in the land of Goshen Ramses II ran into the Nile. He was eaten by a crocagator who was Saddam reincarnated by the evil Jimmy Hoffa god. Hoffa and the muppets got together and rebuilt the Pharos of Alexandria along with the teamsters.

[Tar-Ancalime]

no matter how good that sounds...IT NEVER HAPPEND!

what REALLY happend was...

bob woke up in his own home, with Christina aguleria preparing to leave, because she spent the night. After her failed music career she resorted to becoming a prostitute.

[Wonko The Sane]

And as Christina began to run out of the door without collecting her payment, 32 of the Wonks look-alikes appeared and Bob told them that out of a cross-section of English and Forum females an astounding 67 percent hated her (the original).

Because she was evil.

And then they all got run over by a lorry.

[Tar-Ancalime]

Alas, that was propoganda led by Britney spears...and so it was not true

did I mention

No matter how good it sounds...IT DID NOT HAPPEN

[7doubles]

it was a paradime shift, he doppleganged himself to time bob reality.

[HLGStrider]

That was why the dogs began to howl at midnight. It was not because Lord Caravan was struck down by the Mummy's curse. It was not because of that sneaky little guy sneaking around. It was not because Bob was throwing Christmas ordaments at the Grinch.

[Wonko The Sane]

It WAS because he had opened his mail and found that a four hour phone call overseas is quite expensive, and it WAS because he woke up shivering because all his blankets had been eaten by termites in the night, and it WAS because he couldn't get any sleep for being so completely infatuated with a girl we shall call Daisy. Because that is her name.

[Tar-Ancalime]

but REALLY all the previous explanations were wrong and bob was getting a massage by the plate tectonics geek.

[Wonko The Sane]

Which outraged Wonks because Plate Tectonics Geek would never do that because he's completely faithful and devoted so she thwacked the person who accused Plate Tectonics Geek of massaging someone else with a board.

And then Bob got all excited for a fight and started frothing at the mouth and shouting, "ELENDIL!!!"

[captin_obvious]

and then they all got run over bya truck full of crazed penguins that escaped from the mental hospital just down the road. the penguins were foaming at the mouth and screaming "LORRY!!!!"

[Tar-Ancalime]

but sadly nothing of the sort occured...and OJ simpson made friends with a six foot midget.

[HLGStrider]

I blame it on graduated income tax.

[Tar-Ancalime]

what asked the eager collenge grad

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Professor Higgins appeared from the wings and began to lecture on graduated income tax and the joys of having an all you can eat combination Hot-Dog/Chinese Restaurant Buffet just down the street from him.

And then a crazed woman with dark hair who can't sing came and thwacked Wonks with a Halibut.

[HLGStrider]

Higgins was then attacked by Liza who through him off the cliffs of Dover... his last words were the rain in spain...

[Wonko The Sane]

Until his body washed up on the beach with a herring in his mouth.

[HLGStrider]

"Ooh," said Marrion the Librarian. "That's got to hurt."

She then ran off with Bing Crosby and started a Disco Club. Frank Sinatra bombed it.

[HobbitGirl]

And then HobbitGirl gathered up the herring and halibut (and some blue fin tuna, some yellow fin tuna, some clams, and a few octopus tentacles for a salad) and started a stupendously grand Sushi Bar on the corner of State Street and 7200 South. But the diamond store that was already on the corner of State Street and 7200 South rebelled and a huge war broke out in which many people were trapped inside the building with people throwing diamonds on one side and sushi on the other. Everyone got caught up in the fight, including Bob, who was on HobbitGirl's side and was throwing sushi at the diamond people. This was all very dissapointing for HobbitGirl's gorgeous green-eyed sweetheart, who's sushi was impaled by several very large diamonds which made the sushi taste bad when he ate it.

[Tar-Ancalime]

than unbeknownest to him but beknownstt to us...the world ended

[HobbitGirl]

And Hobbit Girl screamed, "Get in the lifeboats! Women, children, and sushi first!"

[Tar-Ancalime]

But it was a false alarm, sadly jack forgot to convince rose to not jump

[HLGStrider]

She fell down into a whirl pool.
"Oh well," said Jack. He went off and married Halle Barry. Bob, however, was heart broken. He jumped in after Rose only to find her in Luke Skywalker's arms at the bottom of the sea. He then left in a huff and joined a dance troup.

[Wonko The Sane]

Originally posted by Tar-Ancalime
than unbeknownest to him but beknownstt to us...the world ended

Yay! You used my "unbeknownest to...but beknownst to" line!!!

It was a RiverDance troupe, headed by Wonks so that she could make her tour of Great Britain and put in an extended stay in Coventry with her darling Plate Tectonics Geek.

[HLGStrider]

And Bob said, "This is my story! How did Wonks get in my story? She's not supposed to be in here."

Bob was so disturbed that he quit the dance troup and went to the North Pole to paint faces on snow globes.

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks exited the story to live her happily ever after life in England with her darling Plate Tectonics Geek whom she loved quite dearly.


And Bob started painting faces on snow globes, but he got stir-crazy and started to paint erotic pitctures of penguins instead.

[HLGStrider]

So they had to kick him out of the North Pole. He was sent to the south pole. Once there he befriended a polar bear named Sophie and spent his days playing tictac toe and throwing rocks at the scientists.

[Wonko The Sane]

But then he wondered where he conjured up the images of these pornographic penguins seeing as there are no penguins on the North Pole.

[Rogue666666]

must of been his own sick mind he concluded.
Then one day a scientist on the island made a mistake and half the world went up in nuclear fire. Thankfully bob was playing hide and seek with his polar bear friend and was at the oposite side of the earth at the time.

[HLGStrider]

There were a lot of solar flares that day.. they danced to the tune of the mad sax.

[Rogue666666]

Bod decide he cared nothing for the mad sax, so he went on a tour of the world. Unfortunately the guide on his cruise ship hadn't heard about the nuclear fallout so that when Bob's skin started to turn green he attributed it to that half moldy sandwich he ate in the begining of the story.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then as a certain 19 year old femme was reading the posts on Bob's Ridiculous Story thread she was shocked...as she thought that they had said something COMPLETELY different than Mad Sax (by only one vowell ;) )and she was wondering how they got away with it.

And then Bob drank too much tequila while watching Dangerous Beauty and fell onto the floor.

[Wolfshead]

Ok, so, first time RP-ing. So... bear with me... Oh, and I've read only the last 2 pages, so likely I've got the story all messed up, oh well :rolleyes:

Having drunk all this tequila, Bob started to see all kinds of strange things on the ceiling... "Hey", he thought, "that looks just like a giraffe", commenting on the lampshade.

[Wonko The Sane]

Which he then promptly picked up and put on his head.

[Tar-Ancalime]

"Stop this foolishness!" yells a disgruntled man in a millitary outfit..."it's too silly, this skit is over, on the the next one which BTW is a very good number and NOT silly!" he continued on

[HLGStrider]

"Never!" shouts Bob. "Never never never..." The giraffe hits Bob on the head for stealing his lamp shade and condemns him to dance the macarena with a fish... a herring, to be specific... a red herring... a communist red herring... a communist red herring with goggles on... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear who didn't care about the stock exchange... a communist red herring with goggles on and a bad case of swimmers ear who didn't care about the stock exchange and thought golf was a silly sport...

[Rogue666666]

That offended Bob, since bob was neither a communist ( at least he didnt think he was) AND he loved golf. He lunged at the herring, but it was to quick for him. The herring deftly avoided Bob's fist and gave Bob a backflip kick to the face. Didn't Fat Young Cow use that move in Crouching Goldfish, Hidden Tuna?, bob thought as he drifted into unconciusnous.

[Tar-Ancalime]

than 5,000,000 dead parrots fell on his head

[Rogue666666]

3 years later, when Bob had finished digging himself out of the parrots he saw how his life had taken many strange turns, and that a diet consisting soley of dead parrot wasn't really that bad.

Anyways, he wanted life to go back to normal, so he went to the nearest pub and ordered the purest liquor available. Unfortunately there was a shortage and Bob ened up drinking two liters of 95% scotch.

[Wolfshead]

Whilst completely out of the game after having drunk so much Scotch, many people walked past him, commenting on his slightly colourful appearance. This being a result of his predominantly parrot diet. Upon waking, Bob found a small crowd of people around him, all offering to take him to the nearest hospital. Our hero tried to resist but there was no stopping the men in white coats who eventually put him in the back of a white van.

[Rogue666666]

During the following trip in the white van, Bob floundered between waking and sleep. Every once in a while he would see Men, men with white masks, men with white clothes, white tools, white face, white shoes, white eyes, white hats, white HAIR! The World's been WHITE WASHED he cried in agony, and then drifted off into the world of sleep once more.

[Tar-Ancalime]

and the truth is...that it's all a visage

[HLGStrider]

No that's a lie! It was the parrots! It was all their fault! It wasn't my fault! It was the parrots!

[Tar-Ancalime]

It's max beallysux latest show! Will it flop or will it go? The cast is taking its final bow here comes the audience now, the doors are open they're on their way lets here what they have to say?!

He's done it again, he's done it again, max beallysux has done it again! You can't believe it, you cant concieve it it's the worst show in town! We couldn't leave faster, what a disasteor, that slimy, sleezy max beallysux...What a bum!

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Bob went to sit down to a game of Trivial Pursuit with a gorgeous, green eyed American.
And as they were playing the American girl's sister, who has brown eyes and is far more beautiful than Sigourney Weaver, made an offhand comment about how British men don't brush their teeth.
At which point the American girl with the green eyes and the outraged tongue defiantly stood up for British men everywhere.
And when said girl's British boyfriend came to the states for the holidays he brought the brown eyed girl a toothbrush as a present and NOT the neck monkey that had been previously requested.

And Bob, who observed this all smiled and said, "Isn't love grand?" before he drank an entire bottle of Sweet Vermouth and a bucket full of Merschino Cherry juice.

And when he woke up he was hanging upside from the monkey bars, exposing his mysteriously pierced navel to a gaggle of primary school children (all female) in ridiculously prim uniforms.

At 3 am GMT.

[HLGStrider]

"This is highly irregular," swallowed the school mistress. She then went to take some cortazon and bath in oil extracted from the leaves of poison oak. She had always preformed this ritual every night before watching Enterprise. Before Enterprise was on she'd watched Voyager and Before Voyager was on she'd watched Generations. Before Generations she had watched the origenal series, but she never watched Deep Space Nine? Do you know why she never watched Deep Space Nine? Because there was a trill in her stomach. Yes, a nasty trill who didn't like DSN.
Then Benjamin Sisco took a lightsaber and broke her tv in half and Dax emerged from the faucet.

[Wolfshead]

And to rather spoil the mood of things, Sisco announced, "Bob, I am your father".

[Wonko The Sane]

Right before he was explained away by Benjamin Bratt and disappeared in a puff of logic.

And Benjamin Bratt the Oh-So-Sexy turned to Sandra Bullock, who began to chime "You looove me, you want to kiiiiiiss me, you think I'm goooorgeous..."

And then Plate Tectonics Geek retired from Happily Ever After for a brief moment to slap Sandra with a board, "Take that, Julia Roberts!" he yelled. "It's not 'looove' it's 'lurve'" and then he went back to his blissful existence with Wonks which had by now moved from England to somehwere near a tropical volcano on a Volcano Monitoring/Astronomical Observatory station.

[HLGStrider]

However, Bob, who had never known his real father due to a tragic traffic accident involving a large number of chickens and an armored car, was pleased as punch. He immediately insisted that Sisco take him to a baseball game and buy him some peanuts and cracker jacks.

[Wonko The Sane]

Which was, sadly, impossible seeing as Benjamin Bratt had explained Sisco away in a puff of logic only moments before.

[Wolfshead]

Whilst at the baseball game, Bob met his old friend Buzz Lightyear. The two mischief-makers snuck off and hid behind a computer after stealing some candy floss. Bob inadvertantly dropped his candy floss on the computer and it exploded. The next thing they knew, they were being asked if they wanted drinks by a waiter. It turned out they had rather ended up in The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe, where they then bumped into a small furry animal from Alpha-Centauri.

[Wonko The Sane]

Which, sadly, didn't happen BECAUSE SISCO WAS EXPLAINED AWAY IN A PUFF OF LOGIC BY BENJAMIN BRATT FOUR POSTS AGO!!!

[HLGStrider]

NO YOU CANNOT KILL THE SISCO! YOU CANNOT! YOU CANNOT! YOU CANNOT!

[Wolfshead]

And I think you may have a point there. It seems my ever so slightly HHG post was at the same time as your previous one. Otherwise that error would never have come so far. But I think for the flow of the story, we could kinda forget Sisco dissapeared?

Or, here's a better one. Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock adopted Bob as their stable-boy and then took him to a baseball game. There, no problem at all.

EDIT: Let's all stop posting at the same time... or something! I was reffering to Wonks' last post, then HLGStrider comes and posts when I'm typing. No! I'm getting confused...

[HLGStrider]

... but because of double overlapping posting Bob's life split into three different existances... one of which went to the moon to go dancing with Ben and Sandra while the other caught a fly ball and was attacked by screaming Mark Macguire fans.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Wonks, Elgee, and Craig all disappeared in a puff of logic, leaving Sandra and Benjamin alone to snog on the steps of the Federal Building.

[Wolfshead]

As a result of this, Bob dedicated a long time to finding the location of Wonks, Elgee and Craig after they dissapeared. In the end, he concluded that they were infact in Wales.

[HLGStrider]

For which they were arrested and detained and tortured.

[Wonko The Sane]

But before anything drastic could happen to Wonks, Plate Tectonics Geek again sprang forth from his happy little observatory in tropics to rescue her and whisk her back to paradise.

[HLGStrider]

Elgee went outside and watched the monkeys. Then Inspector Clousou came up and asked "Have you seen a minkee? It had a massage for you."

[Wonko The Sane]

At which point Elgee replied "Great!!" And she stripped down, covered herself with a towell, and lay face down on a conviently located massage table.

"Bring it on!" she called.

[HLGStrider]

At this Clousou looked confused and walked off into the sunset, mumbling about finding the Phantom.

[Wonko The Sane]

And a troupe of British neck monkeys skipped over to Elgee and started jumping on her back.

[HLGStrider]

It wasn't the best massage she'd ever had but it wasn't the worst, so she decided to stay there instead of go to Bulgaria with Gil-Gilad.

[Wonko The Sane]

Which was lucky as Gil-Galad had moved to Austria with Ostrich Girl.

[Tar-Ancalime]

sadly the truth was it was all a visade!

[Rogue666666]

Then Benjamin decided that the phrase, " I think there for I am" was false, and that everybody was in a dream. No worse, that everyone was living in a matrix on a world controlled by supercomputers, and only Bob could get them all out of it. Unfortunately, Bob WAS out of it, lying on the floor after another two liters of 95% scotch.

[Wonko The Sane]

And when Bob groggily came to he said, in a gorgeous English accent: "It was SO not cocaine!!"

[HLGStrider]

Elgee then walked away and picked lotus blossums for the king of Egypt... wondering how Bob had developed a British accent after being born in New Jersey.

[Wonko The Sane]

And then Elgee shook the Etch-A-Sketch on which this story was written and realized that it didn't say "BOB" it said "Plate Tectonics Geek" which explained everything.

And then Bob looked at Tar's thought bubble...and wondered if she realized "visade" was not a word, and wondered if she meant "facade".

[HLGStrider]

They were attacked by a bunch of dictionaries! Red dictionaries. New dictionaries that recognized the word Gellies...

[Wonko The Sane]

And Wonks said, "Are you sure you didn't mean jelly?"