Hobbits on Crack?????

[Mithrandir]

I am here to officially announce that Hobbits are nothing but a bunch of Crack heads and Drunks. Yep, just look @ them they are always smokin weed and drinkin', it is no wonder they persavere so much who knows how much of the pain they actually even feel:D


I don't know how many people have already found this out, but I thought it would be funny:D :D

[Beorn]

From Introduction: 2. Pipe-weed

There is another astonishing thing about Hobbits of old that must be mentioned, an astonishing habit: they imbibed or inhaled, through pipes of clay or wood, the smoke of the burning leaves of a herb, which they called pipe-weed or leaf, a variety probably of Nicotiana. A great deal of mystery surrounds the origin of this peculiar custom, or 'art' as the Hobbits preferred to call it. All that could be discovered about it in antiquity was put together by Meriadoc Brandybuck (later Master of Buckland), and since he and the tobacco of the Southfarthing play a part in the history that follows, his remarks in the introduction to his Herblore of the Shire may be quoted.
'This,' he says, 'is the one art that we can certainly claim to be our own invention. When Hobbits first began to smoke is not known, all the legends and family histories take it for granted; for ages folk in the Shire smoked various herbs, some fouler, some sweeter. But all accounts agree that Tobold Hornblower of Longbottom in the Southfarthing first grew the true pipe-weed in his gardens in the days of Isengrim the Second, about the year 1070 of Shire-reckoning. The best home-grown still comes from that district, especially the varieties now known as Longbottom Leaf, Old Toby, and Southern Star.

Now, they discovered a leaf, which was probably similar to Nicotania, and if I'm not mistaken, that was one of the original ingredients of cigarettes (they probably use synthetics now...). I'm gonna guess that rather than getting super high, it would be a mild depressant (slightly high)

[Aerin]

Sure, and the 'going away party' was so they could all get stoned, and not realize what a deadly mission they were facing. :rolleyes:
Anyway, just because they smoked pipe weed didn't mean they were high all the time.

[Thorondor]

I am suprised that you haven't made the connection between Hobbits appetites and getting the "munchies". :D :rolleyes: ;)

[Telchar]

Is there a connection there? And as for pipe weed, it can be transelated into many things..

[Mithrandir]

It was just a joke guys. I did not meen to offend anyone

[Ciryaher]

Yeah, pipeweed is tobacco. I couldn't imagine little hobbit children toking up with a fat doobie, anyways ;)

[Cygnus]

It's really not that big of a deal actually. I mean, it is actually kind of funny that they call it "pipe weed". I agree, it's probably tabaccoo but Mithrandir and I sort of just came up with that one day. Seeing as i'm known to make spontanous things up like that. Even so, the idea of "pipe weed" does sound kinda strange. Why didn't they call it "pipe tabaccoo"? All the same, i honestly believe that hobbits are acholics in need of A.A. badly. I mean through out the whole book, Samwise is thinking about drinking beer. And the second thing they ask for basically after getting back to the Shire in RotK is beer. Just an opinion though. :D!

[Aerin]

After trekking halfway across Middle Earth and facing terrors and dangers like the Hobbits did, wouldn't you want a beer? Alcohol is not 'bad' or 'evil', it all depends on how it's used. Alcohol is an anti-depressant, it dulls the little aches and pains temporarily. After what the Hobbits went through, I should think they would have more than their share of aches and pains! ;)

[Orin]

No, they were not on crack. Low-grade Southfarthing Sinsemillan more than likely. The appearant climate of the Shire would not be condusive to growing tobacco other than the type used in wrapping cigars. Low grade weed can grow on a bowlingball, however. Just another mindless thought.

[Telchar]

Welcome to the Tolkien Forum Orin! :)

[ReadWryt]

Suddenly my imagination is invaded by little round folk with dreadlocks and red eyes puffing pipes all day. "Oh yah mon, dat Bilbo gonna come to no good end. I an I is gonna see de end `o dat Hobbit, but in de mean time, who is I to pass up a good birthday party mon?":)

[Cygnus]

Read... that was funny...

[JanitorofAngmar]

He does have a point. Try hanging around the Prancing Pony on a weekend. Nothing but drug deals going on. Ferny is always in there selling his ditch-weed. Nob has great connections but he always takes a cut.

The Rangers are bunch of drug-heads too you know. They just run around lobbying for "medical-Athelas" use.

And Bombadil...jeez...don't get me started. Why do you think he's "singing" all the time? WASTED!!! You should see the guy drive!

JoA

[squee]

hobbits on crack...funny.

[Beorn]

JoA, I was thinking Tom was on something....Thanx for informing me that he is

hehe...

When you think about it, part of the reason that Tom wasn't included in the movie might of been that it is impossible to portray his jolliness, that is to say without giving the audience the idea that he's on something...And they would've seen how high he was and started doin drugs & dealing...

Anyway...

[Mithrandir]

I am glad to see that someone finally agrees w/ me.:D :D :D

[tookish-girl]

........Hey dol, merry dol, falala willow.

Definately under the influence of something and Read's rastafarian hobbits probably aren't that wrong, as we know they had long, curly, dark hair, sounds like a good description of dreadlocks to me.
And any way, what's all this business with the ring making you invisible -no it doesn't you just think you are and everyone else just ignores you. Think about Frodo in the Prancing Pony, if your friend had just fallen off a table after singing a song and been out of his skull, wouldn't you just ignore him, and say something like "Errrrr, no Frodo, we didn't see you do that I'm sure that ring makes you invisible or something, mon!"

And as for Gandalf's fireworks

[JanitorofAngmar]

Tom's problem is a serious Percodan addiction. The guy does more painkillers than "Krusty the Klown".

The real reason they didn't put Tom B. in the movie is that he was in Rehab. Goldberry told him if he didn't dry out, she was outta there.
(She's one to talk, while I was having an affair with her she ate Prozac like Reese's Peices;)).

So anyway, Tom B. would have been in the movie but they wouldn't let him out of Rehab and the studio was afraid of a lawsuit resulting from his addiction if anything happened (They would have been aware and due dilligence would have come into play:rolleyes: ).

It was all very messy. The final straw was Goldberry screaming at Tom something about "Limp **** a dillo" and "Hey ho a housework"???? I don't know she get off on a tangent sometimes.:rolleyes:

[tookish-girl]

Ah, yes, Tom and Goldberry, the Middle Earth's equivilant of Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson.....

[tookish-girl]

By the way, I know the best pipe weed is named (can't remember it -sorry, know Merry composes a history of it though!)
But if there was a brand stronger than that, would it be called the Crack of Doom? :p

[JanitorofAngmar]

Yeah, oh that's Good! Crack of Doom! Sauron was brought down by a drug ring called the Crack of Doom.

This just keeps getting better and better!!

JoA

[Wyvern]

Jeesh people, read Alice in Wonderland.....


Wyvern

[Orin]

It just goes to show that the unwritten maxim is true. Janitors and secretaries run the world. the Janitor hit it on the head with old Tom.

[Beorn]

They do? That means the world is run by a guy who won't let me into a locked room so that I can get my bag so I can do homework over the weekend?


hehe...I never heard that "Unwritten Maxim," but everyday has its own surprise...

[Orin]

Yes Mike, they do. He was fostering in you a sense of responsibility. Next time you won't forget your book bag. As a teacher, the first thing you learn is that the Janitors and the secretaries know more about what's going on than anyone. This is true in the the private sector as well. Gollum, the ultimate crack wh**e.

[DGoeij]

At least I now understand why Tom didn't became invisible when he put on the Ring. The poor thing never got a clue on how to push the sunlight through all these weird chemical substances!
Explains also why Gandalf didn't trust him with it, he only said it a little more polite. And no wonder Gandalf went over to Toms after the War of the Ring.

[FacesInTheMarsh]

*admiring the fine joke(i was thinking the same thing LOL)*

If the say its pipe-weed..............it must be pipe-weed right?

[Gary Gamgee]

This is all real funny stuff.

One of the only added lines in the film that I liked was Saruman saying to Gandalf

"your love of the halfing's leaf has dulled your mind"

[Mithrandir]

WOW SOMEONE REPLIED!!!!!!!! This has been dead forever, I liked that line too, Gamgee.
~Mithers

[DGoeij]

Yes, that was a cool remark. But somehow Saruman was jealous of the halfling weed, he imported all of it to Isengard later on, didn't he?
Saruman: C'mon man, lemmy try sum.
Gandalf: No way, ya gotta be in the mood for it, man. You're not in tha moood.
:D

[TygaStoryweaver]

I have to put my two cents in. This place is hilarious.
This is what I learned at drivers Ed.
1. Never mix drugs and alchohol
2. Take asprain before you go to bed to prevent hangovers. NEVER TAKE TYONEL!!! IT WILL KILL YOU!!!
Merry: NO PIP! NOT THE TYONEL!!!!!!!
Pippin: (after six pints)But my head hurts!
Frodo: You have your whole life ahead of you!!! Don't take the TYONEL! Bilbo said never take the TYONEL!!!
Sam: OH SHOOT! He's gonna take the TYONEL!!!
In conclusion: Tyonel=poison Tyonel=BAD
err...I don't think I spelt Tyonel right. Oh, well.
I believe I have saved millions of lives today.

[Nimawae's hope]

No, I'm afraid that you did not spell Tylenol correctly, but you may have saved many lives today. Assuming of course they knew what you were talking about.:D

I'm not to sure that Goldberry threatened to leave Tom. I mean look at her. That girl has GOT to be on something, she just acts too darn weird. You know floats all over the place, and I bet her eyes are a bit glazed over too. You know why she goes to bed earlier than anyone else? I bet she's going to get her nightly dosage of weed or whatever else she might take. Probably drinks it in tea or something. She's squirrely enough!!

[7doubles]

a crack on the back says your gona march all day and night and more cus we are the servents of the dark lord of mordor whare theres a wip theres a way.

[Gnashar_the_orc]

THIS THREAD IS THE FUNNIEST!!!!!!!!

[Elbereth]

Oh and let's not neglect Treebeard's entwash...you wonder why the ents talk so funny...the entwash makes them hyperactive and they smoosh their words together.

And then when their high runs out they get majorly burned out and turn into crabby trees.

[Mormegil]

Also the Elves Lembas has got to have steroid properties to it.
Those Elves can run forever.

[Nimawae's hope]

Yeah! I know what you mean. ITS JUST NOT NATURAL!!!

Of course, it isn't natural for Dwarves to fly through the air either!:rolleyes: Uh..somebody needs to go to the LOONEY BIN!!!

[Kelkorian]

And how do you think they import all these substances into ME? The Hobbits with their STRAWBERRIES! It all makes sense now! Also, why did Saruman go to the Shire in the end? And with such a gangstarish name?

[Gary Gamgee]

Harry Potter why are you called Harry Potter????????

Harry Potter's on smack:D

[Kelkorian]

But how does Harry Potter smuggle the smack into his little wizard school? With Hobbits and Strawberries!!

[Nimawae's hope]

How'd we get on the subject of Harry Potter?!! Oh well! Maybe Aragorn was so grim because he was the only one NOT on crack! He thought everyone was too giddy, especially the hobbits. He didn't have any happy juice!:D :D :D :rolleyes: