Silly Poetry

[greypilgrim]

whatsup! thought it would be funny to have a place where you can place your misplaced frustrations. thus bringing us closer to world peace:

Something is very funny; when nothing is funny.
(if you don't have a sense of humor you are a joke yourself)

"Only my dog hates me."

lay on the couch you sleep like a louch, are you warm?
eats everything, the biter.
my house is cold heat-stealer, off the vent!
need a blanket?
beggar, bad boy, rotten. treat?
who wants to go ouside?
go bye bye, go for a ride.
i need a place to sleep.

J/k, my dog loves me.:D

[HLGStrider]

You asked for it...

he he...

A Peculiar Steed

by ELGEE!

The book which you're about to read
Is about a most peculiar steed.
It starts over a century ago
(A century's a hundred years, you know.).

Yes, in old Oregon there was
A cowboy by the name of Gus.
He was the strangest, old cowpoke.
The others thought him quite a joke.

Now all cowboys must ride, of course.
Their preferable mount is called a horse,
But Gus he found a horse too high
A fact that made the others sigh.

"Now Gus," said good old Salem Bill,
"We ride horses, and you will.
After all, and this ain't just talk,
If you don't ride, you'll have to walk."

But good old Gus stuck to his guns
Despite his fellows' jibes and puns.
For after all, a horse is tall,
And Gus... well... he was kind of small.

So Gus set out with just a rope
To fulfill his lifelong hope.
"There must be a steed as short as I,"
Said little Gus with a heart felt sigh.

He talked to rabbits, a duck, and a goose.
When desperate he even consulted moose,
But poor Gus couldn't find a ride
That made him feel just right inside.

He climbed Mt. Hood to the very peek
And skipping rocks he crossed Browns Creak
Over trees and rocks and fields
His stubborn hope refused to yield.

His wanderings brought him to desert sands
Far out past the baddest lands.
It was there that he spied a beast
That did not displease him in the least.

It was a lizard with lime green eyes
It had lime green scales on lime green thighs.
"Well, yeeha!" Gus gave a shout.
"Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout."

He put his rope around its throat
(He'd kept it hidden beneath his coat)
"Come on, Lima," for so he called it,
But Lima like ropes not one bit.

Lima pulled, and Lima fought.
"Maybe you're not as perfect as I thought,"
Was Gus's sigh as on he pulled.
"Come on, Lima, it's getting cold!"

Finally the lizard relented
(Though she hadn't quite repented),
Oh yes, she could bide her time,
That sneaky lizard the color of lime.

And so he rode her into town,
His ten gallon hat on like a crown.
Oh and how those cowboys stared.
"Hey, Gus, your horse has been 'unhaired!'"

It's not a horse," Gus did smile.
"This is my new rep-i-tile!"
"Wow," said Bill of Salem fame.
"Oregon will never be the same."

Gus entered The Dalles Rodeo.
"You can't without a horse, you know,"
Said Salem Bill with a big frown.
"At least you can't in our small town!"

"Oh let him in," the cowpokes cried.
"This is something that must be tried!"
And Salem Bill was forced to yield
When the whole populace had appealed.

And so Gus entered the rodeo ring,
And Lima began to jump and spring.
Oh Lima was the finest mount.
She made the horses seem no count.

Oh but Lima, she was so devious.
Up flew Gus (His wounds were grievous.).
Down he went, upon his tail,
His cries and shouts to no avail.

Away streaked Lima, his former pet.
She slithered off into the red sunset.
"Come back," Gus cried, "you bad lizard.
I'll hunt you down and roast your gizzard!"

But Lima to him paid no heed.
She wasn't quite the perfect steed.
Now poor Gus must ride a horse
Which is the natural thing, of course.

[greypilgrim]

wow, ol' gus had high amitions! but what was the name of the horse?:D

[HLGStrider]

Obviously, he's been through the desert on a horse with no name.

[greypilgrim]

I guess you were right when you told me I asked for it!!:o

[HLGStrider]

Peaches



Sometimes I think that peaches

Would make better pets than food.

Eating something so soft and fuzzy

Seems a little rude.

After all, don't peaches

Bring joy to you and I?

Have you ever seen a peach

Intentionally hurt a fly?

What if peaches took revenge

For all their consumed brothers?

What if peaches, filled with wrath,

Stopped being kind to others?

A hundred giant peaches,

All marching off to war.

Can't you see them storming

And bashing down the door?

Can you hear the pep talk

Given by the head peach?

Can you feel their anger,

Inspired by this speech?

Oh, but we would stop them!

We'd hold back the flood!

We would keep on fighting

'Til the streets ran with pink peach blood.

And so would die the peaches,

In glory filled defeat.

We'd be wise to remember it

Whenever a peach we eat.

[Lantarion]

ROTFLMAO, Elgee you're a comic genius! :D

On 'the Unusual Steed':
This was very funny; the fact that it's in story-format, in a string of events, makes it appealing and almost childlike. Apart from sometimes forced rhyme and overuse of the word 'sigh' ;) this was an excellent ballad. :D
I especially liked the lines: And so he rode her into town,
His ten gallon hat on like a crown.

On 'Peaches':
Now this is one of the funniest and one of the wittiest poems I have ever read; really! This made me laugh really hard, the humorous rhyme scheme and mere choice of surprising words conveying theoretical actions were so wonderfully witty. The very best lines IMO were these:
What if peaches took revenge
For all their consumed brothers?
What if peaches, filled with wrath,
Stopped being kind to others?

Classic! :D :D


A leaf, a delicate messenger of the forest roof
tilting, lilting in the woods, aloof
Falls to a rest where the green stems creep
right on my nose, disrupting my sleep!

Flitting with ease like a light, unseen breath-wren
Ah gently it flies in a flock of his brethren
Upwards it flies, like the breezes had kicked it
Back to the sky where I angrily flicked it!

:p Not that good, but not awful, seeing as I wrote it off the top of my head.

[HLGStrider]

Pwetty dang good for off the top of your head. . .but I'm curious, what's a breath-wren? Is it an actual bird or a metaphor I'm just not getting?

I'm glad you like mine.

[Lantarion]

Haha, yeah the breath-wren is a symbol, or metaphor if you like. I was personifying the wind, or a breeze. :)
And it was the only thing I could find to rhyme with 'brethren'. :D :D

[HLGStrider]

Off the top of my head the number of rhymes for brethren is zilch, so I can't say I really blame you.