A Legolas fan fic story from a non-lotr reader!

[Tar-Ancalime]

This is a beginning of a tale written by my friend, Alyca. She is obseessed with Legolas...I find it good... for being one from a non-lotr, legolas obsessed movie goer.

Legolas jumped off a hill and ran through the darkening forest. Arrows whizzed by his head and he barely paused to let some fly back. He continued up the path and was shocked to see a girl standing watching the chaos unfold, a sad expression was on her face. “Run!” He yelled hoping she would get out of harms way. He hated to see innocent people die. Yet the girl continued to stand there, a mildly confused look on her face. “Run!” he called again, but she remained frozen. As Legolas ran past her he grabbed her hand and pulled her along behind him.

They ran quickly for a long while, the girl amazingly kept up. Finally they lost the Orcs and stopped safely at a grove next to the waterfall. “Are you alright?” He asked turning to the girl. Long runs were not hard for him, he was an elf. Bur the girl was struggling for breath. She didn’t answer and just brought her eyes to his face. Now Legolas was out of breath. For the girls eyes were brown. Legolas had only seen brown eyes on someone elf or human once. An elf elder who had an elf mother and a human father. A strange combination that had caused the elder to get strange but eventually true premonitions. For breeding between the two races was forbidden, but broken. The consequences were often harsh on the children. And he also noticed that the girl was incredibly beautiful. She had very delicate features and shining pale hair. Yet her beauty was not daunted by the rag dress she was wearing which was in strips, revealing her beautiful pale legs. “Aren’t you going to flee?” She asked in a voice that sent a tremor through his body. “Why would I?” Legolas asked finally catching back his voice. “Because I’m a spirit child she stated. Another breath was knocked out of him. What he had suspected was true. She was of mixed descent. But the relationship between her parents must have been truly forbidden to bestow upon her such a fate. “Who were your parents?” he asked finding his voice once again. “Once I tell you, you will want to kill me.” She said and turned towards the waterfall. “Why would I want to kill you?” Legolas asked, “how did you come to such a fate?” “My father is the Dark Lord Sauron.”She said calmly, “and my mother is queen Nivea” Legolas did not think his legs could bear his weight and he had to sit down. “Are you not going to slay me?” She asked confused but terrified. “I’d be hung for murder if I did.” Legolas said. “Why? She asked turning to look at him. “Because lady Nivea was a former queen of my country.”
*************************************

[FoolOfATook]

“My father is the Dark Lord Sauron.”

I won't argue that she hasn't read LOTR ;)

The story's not bad at all, and I have to admit that I'm curious as to where it will go from here, especially since we're guaranteed to get something that none of us can possibly predict. :)

[Emowyn]

Interesting very interesting, strange angle. but still very good.

[The-Elf-Herself]

Hmmm. I don't like the fact that she hasn't read the book. Why bother trying to write fanfiction if you're not even going to read the book? Oh well, that's just me. I'm trying to be tactful.

[Tar-Ancalime]

you're to crititcal!

[The-Elf-Herself]

:rolleyes: Um, hardly. I don't think it's too much to ask for a person to read the piece of literature they're writing fan-fiction on. I'm not going to continue further on my review, since I don't think you'd want to hear it. Tell you friend to enjoy her writing, that's all that matters.

[Tar-Ancalime]

I am quite happy that she has made a worthy (not to mention a lot longer than the snippit i put in)and it has had some validity.Your supposed to look a this on a purely grammatical level

[rayoflight]

hey guys this is the author of the story and i really appreciate all u reviwed this. To let u know so more of u dont write me off as someone who just watched the movies....I have read the two towers and am almost done with return of the king...but again thank u for ur replies and please let me know whether or not to put the rest of this story up

[The-Elf-Herself]

Okay, well then. The story does hold an interesting perspective and I would like to read a bit more, but your grammar is lacking. You need to clean up your sentences, clearly define dialogue with quotation marks before and after speech and clarify your tenses. At present time your story is difficult to understand because of this.

[Beleg]

the fic is not bad. But do write something 'bout someone other then Legolas.

[Tar-Ancalime]

:rolleyes: , why would she do something like that:rolleyes: :p

[Wonko The Sane]

She obviously hasn't read LotR, but the story is good!
:) I'm actually curious to know what comes next. :)

[rayoflight]

alright all i did was write it not type it so the quoation makrs and stuff isnt my doing but thank u for the advice about the grammatical parts!

[Wonko The Sane]

Yay! I didn't read the whole thread until just now..I know...only one page long and I don't read it.
I never do.
Lazy-arsed-bum.
Yes that's me.

Anyway, I LOVE the plot idea for the story. It would be good with anyone as the main character though.
It would totally work for a normal prince named Bob or something..it doesn't have to be Legolas.

Well..it does cos he's hot...but anyway.
:)

Good ideas! Keep 'em coming!

[rayoflight]

thank u wonko!! i appreciate that..some of these posts have made me feel kinda bad about my story...i dunno tho i will try and get some more up soon.

[Wonko The Sane]

Don't listen to them about not writing about Legolas and not doing it in keeping with the actual story.
I mean, I can tell you wrote it because you like the fantasy aspect and you like Legolas, not because you're trying to write the next installment of LotR. ;) :rolleyes:

[rayoflight]

i know who else would i wanna write about besides legolas??? jk...actaully right now i have a aragorn one coming but thats another story so lets just stick with this one

[Wonko The Sane]

It's more fun to write about the hot ones because then you can make the female lead somewhat like yourself and it's sooo fun to imagine scenarios in which you get to glomp sexy elf-things like Legolas, and sexy man-things like Aragorn. ;)

[rayoflight]

so true! i mean cmon now what fun is it if the guy isnt hott??? cmon now

[Evenstar373]

i loved your story PLEAS wright some more!!!!:p

[rayoflight]

i will try and post more soon.thanks for the support!!!

[rayoflight]

here's the next part of the story:

* * * * * *
"your counrty? Are you some kind of royal?" she asked scrutinizign him as though she might be able to tell.
"you mothers family turned over the power to my family after you mother committed suicide. My family took control of the throne. I am the next in line." he said.
"a prince?" she asked.
He nodded. " and in some senses, a princess."
She turned those myserious brown eyes away. " I am no princess." she replied quietly.
"You could be. You could reclaim the throne. " he said.
"right out from underneath your nose. And i'm sure your people would just welcome me back with open arms. the lost ruler they never knew they had." she said bitterly.
"you have as much right to rule as i do." legolas protested. "When your mother saved up enough power to bring sauron back for one night and then killed herself, no one knew there was a child involved. How did you come to be?"
She shrugged her bare slim shoulders. "because both spirits were so strong I guess. I was conceived in the spirit world but bron into the living. And I can't say I'm exactly grateful."
"how can you say that? It's a miracle you're even in exsistence!"
"but is that such a good thing?" she questioned back. "to be feared and shunned? because of the color of my eyes none-the-less. I can never be accpeted, I am always an outcast, I am always on the outside. All flee from me. And now Prince, I thank you for your kindness, but I must be going." she made a mock curtsy with her tattered skirt and turned to walk away.
"i did not flee from you." legolas called out to her retreating back.
She stopped in her tracks, and turned, the stips of her skirt flaring out into a circle. "that i do not understand. Why arent you afraid of me like all the others?" She asked
"maybe i'm not like all the others." he said coming towards her.
"how come you're not worried about saurons bad blood flowing thru me and making me evil?" She asked in avoice that sounded strangely strangled.
"i would have seen the evil in you, I sense none. All i sense is...." his voice got very quiet.
"what is it that you sense?" she asked her voice dropping to a tone of reverence as well.
"...is a girl who wants very much to be loved." Legolas finished quietly.
She turned her sad brown eyes away. "yes well, sensing it doesnt mean it's going to come true."
"you accuse me of being afraid, yet I think it is you who is scared. You're afriad that someone might just want to let you in."
"and tell me Prince, " She said. "how can you now so much about me when we have just met and do not even know each others names?"
"i feel as though i've known you always, even though it is clear that we have just met. And do not call me Prince, it is Legolas."
"Prince Legolas." she said as though she was tasting the word.
"not Prince, just legolas." he protested. " and you have not told me your name."
"it's Alyca. " she siad quietly. "and since part of my history belongs in your country, that makes you my prince, It is only proper."
"then I suppose I should call you Princess alyca." he contradicted.
She sighed in obvious frustration. "fine legolas, just do not call me princess. It is a itle that would have me beheaded."
But suddenly they both whipped their heads to the right as the sound of someone coming upon them. Alyca's face showed obvious fear.
"get behind me." Legolas ordered. "i will protect you."
Too stunned to do anything else, Alyca moved behind him so he was sheilding her from whatever was coming upon them. Legolas had his bow cocked and ready for the intruder.
"legolas!" aragorn called bursting out of the woods and clapped him on the shoulder. "we thought you had fallen."
Legolas grinned. "you should know me better than that." he said.
Aragorn was about to reply when his face went white and he backed off from legolas.
"what?" legolas asked. what was behind him?
"You have a demon girl standing behind you. didn't she tell you what she was? don't tell me you saved her?" aragorn hissed.
Alyca started to retreat from behind him, he knew she would try to flee. Legolas grabbed her wrist and held on. "aragorn! do you know who this is? this is the only living relative to Queen Nivea!"
"do you know who her father is?" aragorn asked. "the dark lord sauron himself! and it's the former queen of your country. technically she is not the queen anymore." legoals scowled at him, this was his comrade in arms, bringing her down.
"i told you, they either run from me or try to kill me." she said and tried to tug away from him.
"i promised i'd protect you." he said still holding onto her.
"and you did, nobody's shot me, yet. if i run fats and you distract him i can get away." she said.
"but you would enver come back." legolas said forlornly.
she gave him a sad look. "i'm a brown eye legolas, no one can accpet me, I told you that. I'm an outcast and there's nothing even you can do to change it."
"yes i can." he said and turned to aragorn. "she can help us, she can go with us."
aragorn gave hima pitying look. "if she truly is saurons daughter then the enemy will be on her in momets. She will always feel the tug of the ring becuase she to is bound to it. Ask her, ask her where the ring is now." aragorn prompted.
leogolas turned to her, the question already formed on his face.
she close her eyes and there was a small radiating pulse of heat that got stronger as each second passed. finally she opened her eyes again. "the ring bearer and his companion have just crossed into mordor." she announced, yet the color was gone from her face.
aragorn turned towards legolas. "we must kill her, the drak lord will track her easier if she is with us. I am sorry you have been bewitched by her but your mind will come back to you when we kill her."
"you shall not harm her." legolas protested.
"they are coming." alyca whispered. both men turned to look at her in confusion. "the ring-wraiths are coming for me."
sudddenly out of the trees galloped the nine riders in black. they rode right up to alyca and snatched her onto the back of one of their horses. aragorn and legoals stood, weapons raised, prepared to fight.
but the wraiths paid no attention to them and rode off with alyca into the forest.
She screamed and reached out desperately for legolas. he stepped towards her but aragorn held him back. "i do not trust the wriaths."
the ring wraiths disappeared from sight and legolas crumbled down. why did he care so much when he had only met her a little while ago?
they were sitting in a grove a few days later and legolas was still thinking about alyca and what role she would play later on.
that night there was the sound of someone running towards them. Legolas sat up and strained his ears, he knew it was only one person. aragorn, realizing something was going on, sat up as well and they both waited in silence with their weapons raised.
Alyca burst out of the woods and towards them. legoplas stood up and moved to get her. she was shaking from head to foot. he caught her in an embrace, surprising them both. "are you alright?' he asked stepping back from her to look in her eyes.
she shook her head. 'you have to get out of here." she said.
"why?" aragorn asked. 'what's going on?"
"they are coming here, they are going to kill you." she panyed. "you must leave now, i have horses. you must travel to the nearest elf city."
"how can we know that you are telling the truth?' aragorn asked suspiciously.
she looked hurt and legolas wanted to embrace her again. "trust me," she said in a quiet voice. "you have to trust me."
legolas nodded. "which way are the horses?'
aragorn looked at him in shock. "you're not going to belive her?" he asked.
"do you are to not?" legolas asked back.
"what if it's a trap?' aragorn questioned.
"it's a risk we're going to have to take." legolas said firmly.
aragorn still looked doubtful but turned to alyca as well.
she gave a slight flitting smile and began to walk quickly to a grove beyond the trees. two white horses stood there waiting.
"two?" legolas asked looking puzzled.
"one for you and one for aragorn." alyca explained as though she was talking to a small child.
"aren't you coming?'he asked. alyca shook her head. "why not?"
"i could not enter an elvish city, especially the one nearest to us, without being slain." she said.
"i will protect you." legolas stated.
alyca shook her head again. "i cannot go with you." she stated "now go before the riders get here."
"but-"
"go!" she said getting frustrated. "i will meet up with you in a few days at the Whistling River. I will be there. Now go!"
Legolas tunred the horse and cantered off into the night. aragorn was the one who stayed behind for a moment. "he cares about you, do you know that?" he asked quietly.
"then he's foolish." alyca said turning away. "becuase I am the worst person to fall for. and if he shall fall..."
"you have fallen as well. and when you admit it, it will be so much easier for you." aragorn said and urged his horse into a run so he could catch up with legolas.
Alyca stood there for a moment, the wind stirring the skirt around her legs. then she too fled into the night.

[Wonko The Sane]

Why are brown eyed people um...shunned?

I thought Legolas had brown eyes...

Orlando Bloom does at least.

And ANYWAY, I like the story. :) Even if it's clearly NOT LotR. ;)

[rayoflight]

brown eyed people are shunned because they r the product of breeding between races and that sposed to be bad. orlando bloom has brown eyes but he wore blue contacts in the movie

[Wonko The Sane]

But there are Elves with brown eyes....

[rayoflight]

i realize that now but i didnt know that when i started writing this. i hadnt read the book eyet

[Wonko The Sane]

Aaaah. :)
It's a cool concept though.
They made us watch a video on it in psychology. :)
How people would react to an experiement where brown eyed people were segregated from blue eyed people.

Then they tried to do it in my class.

It didn't work on me.
I have green eyes.

I was the only one too.

The teacher told me I could sit down and watch the other people.

That was kind of weird.

[rayoflight]

well u should be proud green eyes make u special...i personally have blue

[Wonko The Sane]

How do you pronounce the main character's name, btw?

And can you explain a little OUTSIDE of the story just for my benefit how her mother and Sauron um...conceived her?

[Tar-Ancalime]

I can answer this one...

A-lyss-a

[Wonko The Sane]

What about the question about Sauron and copulation?

[rayoflight]

alright this might be a lil too much info but ....nivea killed herself but transfered into the spirit world...if the spirits are both strong then they are able to meet and uh....converse.....becuz both of them were so strong and partly becuz nivea did a spell thingy alyca was born into the living but it made her a spirit child.....i know thats really confusing but o well....

[Wonko The Sane]

I get it now! Thanks!

[rayoflight]

no prob bob

[Wonko The Sane]

Another question:

Is Aragorn going to come around or keep trying to kill her?

[rayoflight]

you'll see... it's in the nest chapter...ill try and post more soon so u can see it

[Evenstar373]

That was so GREAT!!!!! i am realy glad your going to try to
wright some more.



PS. i think your a great wrighter!!!:D :p

[Wonko The Sane]

I agree.

I like the story.
When you're done you should send it to someone who can spell check and edit it for you for grammar and stuff and you'd be all set! :)

[rayoflight]

thanks guys! my friend currently has my manuscprit of the story but i will try and post more soon!

[Wonko The Sane]

Manuscript?
Did you write it out on parchment with a quill pen? Cos that's what I think of when I hear manuscript. ;)

[rayoflight]

lol i call of of my writings manuscripts becuz it drives my one friend mad...but actually its written in a notebook

[Wonko The Sane]

Why does it drive your friend mad?
She should be more supportive of your manuscripts.
;) Hehe.

[rayoflight]

lol i know..she obviously doesnt respect it...plus i like thw word manuscript..i think it sounds professional

[Wonko The Sane]

Professional writers call their works in progress manuscripst as well. :)

[rayoflight]

well then it must show that the word manuscript is indeed the best word (but for the record mine is done)

[Evenstar373]

Are you going to try to publish your story?So far I think you should:D :D :p

[Eledhwen]

The story's not so far-fetched. Sauron was a maia and was at first fair of face and speech. I agree with Wonko, though, about Legolas. Those who have read the book know about Legolas of the realm of Thranduil of Mirkwood, and don't see him in this character. Maybe it's Orlando Bloom that inspired the story, rather than the character he played. Keep on writing; there's an imagination there that will develop great stories.

One other thing - I can't take the name Nivea seriously... It's a brand of hand cream in the UK.

Oh, and by the way Wonko, Orlando Bloom has blue eyes - he had to wear tinted contact lenses to be Legolas.

[moon cloud]

It's mary sue, but not in a bad, evil way. It's fun and draws you in, I'm looking forward to what happens next.

[Wonko The Sane]

Nivea is a brand of hand cream in the US too. :)
I thought the same thing as well.

But I must correct you Eledhwen. Orlando Bloom has very dark brown eyes.
http://www.orlandobloom.co.nz/ob.html

Quick Facts:
Full name: Orlando Bloom
Date of Birth: 13th January 1977
Birthplace: Canterbury, Kent, England
Nationality: South African
Lives: LA, but still has a home in England
Starsign: Capricorn
Chinese Birthsign: Dragon
Marital Status: Single
Height: 5'11
Hair: Dark brown, naturally wavy
Eyes Dark brown
Siblings: 1 older sister - Samantha
Pets: A dog named Maude
Hobbies: Photograpghy and being a dare-devil

[Nefmariel]

Its good, and I'm obsessed with Legolas/Orli too just so you know.

[Evenstar373]

I AM OBBSEST WHITH HIM TOO!!!!!!!!:D :D :p

[Wonko The Sane]

This is a thread about Ray's story. NOT about how obsessed you are with Legolas.

[Lantarion]

I really liked it! Very short (and I almost cracked up at the Sauron part :D), but pretty mesmerising! Well-written, if anything.
But it would be quite interesting to hear of a LotR fanfic piece that was not on Legolas, Aragorn or Frodo.. Maybe about Gandalf! But that would require at least some knowledge of his background etc..
Anyway, read the book ASAP!! :)
Oh, and welcome to the forum! :D

Dang, Orlando sure is short! :D

[Wonko The Sane]

5'11" isn't short! He's taller than Snaga! :)
Hehe.
Anyway, I agree it would be nice to hear a fanfic story about one of the other characters but for this plot Ray's worked out Legolas IS an excellent leading gentleman! :)

I really like the story because on the one hand it's pretty out there LotR wise...but it still draws you in.
Suspendable belief! ;)

And, Lanty, I believe she's reading the books right now. :) At least that's what she told me.

[Evenstar373]

WELL I HOPESHE POST SOME MORE I REALY WAN TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[Wonko The Sane]

Me too. :) But I think she's busy with school.
Let's be patient. :)

[Liat_ravensong]

i like it! though i agree about the based on Orli rather than Legolas thing.
I have a friend whose bestfriend's, cousin's, friend was propossed to by orlando Bloome!!!!!!!!!! MAJOR envious!

i wanna know what happens next + i'm trying to write a story 'bout elrond *sigh* he's married though.............:(

keep writing ;)

[Evenstar373]

O MY GOD!!!!:eek: DO YOU KNOW HIM ???:eek: :eek:

[Wonko The Sane]

By the sound of the "6 degrees of separation" from her and the girl I'd say no.

And you can write a story about Elrond because his wife went to Valinor after her ordeal with the orcs in the mountains. :)

She's all away and stuff. You're free to seduce Elrond. :)

[Katie Bell]

Originally posted by Wonko The Sane
Why are brown eyed people um...shunned?

I thought Legolas had brown eyes...

Orlando Bloom does at least.

And ANYWAY, I like the story. :) Even if it's clearly NOT LotR. ;)

Although if Legolas's eyes are brown, then Orlando's wont be because he were contact lenses, coloured ones for the role of Legolas. Great story by the way. Now that i think of it, he does oh sorry i didn't read that bit sorry.

~*Katie*~:) :cool:

[Wonko The Sane]

Legolas has blue eyes in the movie, though in the book he probably had brown eyes.
Which means Orlando need not have worn those silly contacts.

[Evenstar373]

I stil think he is HOT

[Lantarion]

I stil think he is HOT
I'm sorry, can I just say: :rolleyes:

[Helcaraxë]

A well-written story, but her lack of LotR experience (a.k.a. blasphemy) is apparent...:D..But I think you have talent. Don't let other ppl discourage u.

[VioletFalcon129]

That story is so excellent! I really want to read more. I hope more is VERY soon to come. Very interesting.

[Thomas Baggins]

Very good story! it reminds me of my first LOTR based project,"The Remarkable Happenings of Thomas Baggins" I had no clue about LOTR but I wanted to write, anyway you're a lot better writer then I was then, so it's a bit better that way. LOL Although I have to say, I'm not a girl sooo, Down with Orlando Bloom!!! I would like to hear more of your story!

[numen]

I think that your story is very good, most fanfic is cringingly bad, but i really want to read the next installment of this! Its really imaginative and individual, most people write about elf sex in refernce to Legolas(not that i mind that!)
Don't let anyone discourage you, even about grammer and stuff, because that can always be rectified later.
btw Legolas is HOT!!!
Numen

Edited..

[Elfarcher16]

holla! i luv legolas too! ~~

[Evenstar373]

Yay!!!! .... but now I dont think he is "hot" anymore who knew? :confused:

[sousuke22]

As a writer, I will lend my council on the story, however short it may be.

Positive: There is some overall good imagery on the part of the description by the stream, and a fair- if somewhat stilted- picture of Legolas is painted for the reader. The vocabulary is not lacking.

Faults: An ignorance of the use of advanced punctuation such as commas and semicolons makes the reading runny and dull, and the dialogue is somewhat stilted and borish.

Overall: Good effort on the part of the writer, but I would encourage him/her ro keep at it and make the appropriate corrections.

[Mike]

I will be honest: I didn't much care for this story. However, I think you have some talent which will be worth honing.

After writing short stories and longer works since the age of 12, I think, anyway, that I can contribute something to the subject. (Strangley, the first thing I got published was poetry, just recently, so don't take my comments to heart...)

Barring errors in paragraphing, I can say that a major problem was the flow of action and the dialogue. the description is actually quite good. I'm a minimalist myself, so clear and concise generally works for me, but you have your own path to follow. Back to dialogue: it is somewhat stilted, and needs some polishing. Hinting is better than bald-faced exposition. The time period of the story is also somewhat unrealistic: would she really open up to him right there? or should they have a little adventure first?

The biggest problem I can see though, is in the form: As Tolkien Fan-fic, this doesn't work. Make your own character(s) and places to write about (perhaps after reading the novels, you'll see why.) As for the "hot" factor, I'm sure you can imagine someone far "hotter" than Orlando Bloom to play your lead--and perhaps less, say, er, femenine?

Other than that, i can't say much more. My general advice is to keep on writing, and see where things take you.