roguelion
02-04-2003, 07:42 PM
Here is a story I started some time ago, for an RPG at this very site (Remnints of Evil) I like the Character, but I feel Im to repetitive with names ans description...well, any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is most welcome..Here it is..
Part 1~ Memmories
The village was burning, men were being called to arms and women screaming. The orange glow of the fires consumed everything as young Thallius donned his armour and drew his sword. Orc's, he remembered, The orc's had attacked there village, but with them was a dark force, a shadow, it lept on victims and slew with no regard of age or gender. Thallius quickly slew 3 Orcs then turned to fight beside his father, It was then that his father fell, the shadow overtook him and in an instant he was dead. A rage filled Thallius and he searched for the shadow creature, hacking and slashing his way through ranks of Orcs, Not minding or noticing the cuts and wounds that covered his young body. Then in front of him the shadow loomed, its eyes dark and deep, it seemed void of light and life as it stood in front of Thallius. in a flash it was on him, its grip like that of a dwarven vice, crushing his arms in its hands. Thallius was helpless to move, he tried in vain to strugle but it was of no avail, as he slipped into darkness he prepaired to die....The next memmory was even stronger. The mysts ware all around him as he lay on his face, prone and cold on the hard earth. A pain in his stomach caused him to stumble and fall as he attempted to stand. Then he senced the shadow behind, that evil creature was pursuing him, pushing him through the mysts. Try as he might Thallius could not see the shadow, it seemed to elude his vision, but he knew it was there lying in wait for another moment to strike and finish off the kill. For what seemed like days Thallius stumbled through the myst. Thallius fell and dashed his face upon a rock, spliting his lip, the blood trickled into his mouth and he swallowed hard. It was then that the hunger started, as if his stomach was primed by his own blood he writhed in hunger pangs, almost mad he searched the dead ground for anything living on which to feed. Every living creature scurried away from Thallius eluding his hunger, he was to week to hunt them to far. Despite his hunger and weakness he continued to stumble and crawl throught the mysts. After a time he fell to his knees and cradeled his aching stomach. A quietness and stillness fell upon the land and it was then that Thallius heard it first, the beating of a heart. It was not his own heart for it beat to fast and it was full of life and strength. Thallius was drawn to the sound, like a ravenous beast he followed the sound. Suddenly upon the still air he heard a quiet weeping. Thallius slowed, it was very near. The Mysts seemed to part and he saw clearly for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. There before him sat an Elf maiden, on her lap she cradled the head of an elf in armor. Her slain lover he presumed. She cried and called the Elf warriors name in the silence. Thallius lay and watched until he could stand it no longer, then he struck. Like a flash of light he was upon her, his teeth elongating in a second then he ripped into her jugular vein with surgical precision. For a time he drank, the extacy of feeding filling him. The Vampire and his victem rocking together as if in a lovers embrace. Then her blood started to run cold and became bitter to taste. Thallius looked into his victems eyes, their deep blue seemed to be the only color that existed. Her mouth moved silently as she passed from life unto death. Her voice grew strong for an instant before she died, she looked into Thalliuses eyes and clearly said "Thank you" then quietly she died and was no more. Thallius pushed her body off of him, and attempted to stand. A savage and utterly emmence pain coursed through his body, touching his very soul it seemed. He closed his eyes and saw the elf maidens eyes reflected in his memmory, burned into his psyche forever. Thallius stumbled again as he tried to stand and finially gave up and lay down. He knew not how long he lied on the cold hard ground. When he finially looked up the shadow was standing over him, a minacial smile spread across his face as he laughed evily at Thallius and held out a hand to help him up....
The shadow creature stood over Thallius, Its presence sending shivers down his spine, Evil seemed to radiate from him to engulf and envelope all that dared to come close to its horrible presence. It held out its hand as if in friendship. Thallius cringed, expecting the creature to fall upon him and devour him the second they touched. "Take my hand fool" the shadow said, its voice dripping with anger and irritation."I am not going to harm you boy, get up & embrace your new life" Thallius sat puzzled and afraid, for a second he hesitated then took the creatures outstretched hand. In that instand Thallius was able, for the first time to see the dark creature that kept itself cloaked in shadow, it was a tall Man or an Elf, he could not tell for a thick cloak and hood covered its head. What he did see clearly were thoes eyes, they seemed to pearce deep into his soul and unlock, reveal & awaken his hidden fears. Thallius shuddered and looked away. "I will not harm you, Trust my words young one for I alone created you, and I will not destroy you...yet!"Said the shadow. Thallius stirred up his courage and looked upon the creature once again. "Who...What are you? Thallius queried sheepishly. The shadow turned and paced throught the myst "My name is Mittero, I am darkness, I am fear, I am the drinker of blood, the killer of innocents, I am Vampire!..as are you now" the Vampire said matter-of-factly as he smirked at Thallius. Thallius suddenly felt sick. He remembered drinking the Elf maidens blood, draining her of her life force and ultimately her life ebbed and faltered. He did not know how he did it, for it did not seem odd or out of the normal, actuially it felt natural. "Curse you" Thallius screamed his words being silenced and swallowed up by the darkness around them. "it was you who killed my father, it was you who slayed my kin and burned my village, and it was you that turned me into...this!" Thallius continued to shout. Mittero laughed deep and looked thallius in the eyes. "embrace who you are now boy, I have made you stronger, faster and a more efficient killer, gone are the days of fumbling with clumsy swords and armour. I have big plans for you young Thallius" Thallius's head spun he would rather die a thousand deaths than have to feed off the blood of the living. Thallius stood and balled his hands into tight fists and sprung at Mittero, swing wildly as his rage overflowed, replacing his fear. Each blow was blocked effortlesly, and what wasn't blocked fell short as mitter seemed to stand motionless in front of Thallius. Still Thallius raged at the other Vampire but his attack was pointless and ineffective. The in the blink of an eye Mittero struck Thallius, landing a sharb blow on his sturnum and sending him flying through the air and landing hard on his side, breathing hard and gasping for breath. Mittero laughed. "you have no need to breathe fool, your lungs are usless now, as your heart now ceases to beat, accept when hunger strikes or youre feeding. The older Vampire laughed at Thallius's niavete. "Get up, and look, your maiden has gone, and so has her lover. Did you not notice that he still lived, did you not hear his heart, smell his lifes breath, however so faint?, It seems that you now have an enemy young Thallius, and Im not talking about me........
**Thallus's memmory of Love Lost
He rembered her from time to time, the tears the streaked down her face when he refused her request, the pain he felt as he walked away from her knowing in his heart that he had to do it, and secure in the fact the he would never again love another...
Arilla sat waiting, her beautiful face shining in the light of the full moon, its brillance reflecting of her silken hair in a cascade of silver and gold. Her heart pounded in her chest, he was comming, her Love, her betrothed, her wonderful lover and best friend. "Thallius" she said out loud, just to hear the name of the Elf she loved in her ears, sometimes thoughts of him brought tears to her eyes and she felt blessed to be betrothed to one so gentle and loving. Things were different now, it had been only a month since the Orcs attacked the village, raizing it to the ground and killing most of the men . A few of the women hid, in the cellar of the Temple. after the devistation stopped it took them a long time to come out of hiding. She had not heard from Thallius since the seige and like most men that were not accounted for he was presumed dead. Her hope was never crushed, she knew he was not dead, she felt it, she felt him. A messenger came one day, bearing a note for her. Arilla egerly studdied the parchment and cried in happiness at what it said. He was alive! and he was on his way back and would meet her at their special spot at midnight in a fortnight.
Part 1~ Memmories
The village was burning, men were being called to arms and women screaming. The orange glow of the fires consumed everything as young Thallius donned his armour and drew his sword. Orc's, he remembered, The orc's had attacked there village, but with them was a dark force, a shadow, it lept on victims and slew with no regard of age or gender. Thallius quickly slew 3 Orcs then turned to fight beside his father, It was then that his father fell, the shadow overtook him and in an instant he was dead. A rage filled Thallius and he searched for the shadow creature, hacking and slashing his way through ranks of Orcs, Not minding or noticing the cuts and wounds that covered his young body. Then in front of him the shadow loomed, its eyes dark and deep, it seemed void of light and life as it stood in front of Thallius. in a flash it was on him, its grip like that of a dwarven vice, crushing his arms in its hands. Thallius was helpless to move, he tried in vain to strugle but it was of no avail, as he slipped into darkness he prepaired to die....The next memmory was even stronger. The mysts ware all around him as he lay on his face, prone and cold on the hard earth. A pain in his stomach caused him to stumble and fall as he attempted to stand. Then he senced the shadow behind, that evil creature was pursuing him, pushing him through the mysts. Try as he might Thallius could not see the shadow, it seemed to elude his vision, but he knew it was there lying in wait for another moment to strike and finish off the kill. For what seemed like days Thallius stumbled through the myst. Thallius fell and dashed his face upon a rock, spliting his lip, the blood trickled into his mouth and he swallowed hard. It was then that the hunger started, as if his stomach was primed by his own blood he writhed in hunger pangs, almost mad he searched the dead ground for anything living on which to feed. Every living creature scurried away from Thallius eluding his hunger, he was to week to hunt them to far. Despite his hunger and weakness he continued to stumble and crawl throught the mysts. After a time he fell to his knees and cradeled his aching stomach. A quietness and stillness fell upon the land and it was then that Thallius heard it first, the beating of a heart. It was not his own heart for it beat to fast and it was full of life and strength. Thallius was drawn to the sound, like a ravenous beast he followed the sound. Suddenly upon the still air he heard a quiet weeping. Thallius slowed, it was very near. The Mysts seemed to part and he saw clearly for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. There before him sat an Elf maiden, on her lap she cradled the head of an elf in armor. Her slain lover he presumed. She cried and called the Elf warriors name in the silence. Thallius lay and watched until he could stand it no longer, then he struck. Like a flash of light he was upon her, his teeth elongating in a second then he ripped into her jugular vein with surgical precision. For a time he drank, the extacy of feeding filling him. The Vampire and his victem rocking together as if in a lovers embrace. Then her blood started to run cold and became bitter to taste. Thallius looked into his victems eyes, their deep blue seemed to be the only color that existed. Her mouth moved silently as she passed from life unto death. Her voice grew strong for an instant before she died, she looked into Thalliuses eyes and clearly said "Thank you" then quietly she died and was no more. Thallius pushed her body off of him, and attempted to stand. A savage and utterly emmence pain coursed through his body, touching his very soul it seemed. He closed his eyes and saw the elf maidens eyes reflected in his memmory, burned into his psyche forever. Thallius stumbled again as he tried to stand and finially gave up and lay down. He knew not how long he lied on the cold hard ground. When he finially looked up the shadow was standing over him, a minacial smile spread across his face as he laughed evily at Thallius and held out a hand to help him up....
The shadow creature stood over Thallius, Its presence sending shivers down his spine, Evil seemed to radiate from him to engulf and envelope all that dared to come close to its horrible presence. It held out its hand as if in friendship. Thallius cringed, expecting the creature to fall upon him and devour him the second they touched. "Take my hand fool" the shadow said, its voice dripping with anger and irritation."I am not going to harm you boy, get up & embrace your new life" Thallius sat puzzled and afraid, for a second he hesitated then took the creatures outstretched hand. In that instand Thallius was able, for the first time to see the dark creature that kept itself cloaked in shadow, it was a tall Man or an Elf, he could not tell for a thick cloak and hood covered its head. What he did see clearly were thoes eyes, they seemed to pearce deep into his soul and unlock, reveal & awaken his hidden fears. Thallius shuddered and looked away. "I will not harm you, Trust my words young one for I alone created you, and I will not destroy you...yet!"Said the shadow. Thallius stirred up his courage and looked upon the creature once again. "Who...What are you? Thallius queried sheepishly. The shadow turned and paced throught the myst "My name is Mittero, I am darkness, I am fear, I am the drinker of blood, the killer of innocents, I am Vampire!..as are you now" the Vampire said matter-of-factly as he smirked at Thallius. Thallius suddenly felt sick. He remembered drinking the Elf maidens blood, draining her of her life force and ultimately her life ebbed and faltered. He did not know how he did it, for it did not seem odd or out of the normal, actuially it felt natural. "Curse you" Thallius screamed his words being silenced and swallowed up by the darkness around them. "it was you who killed my father, it was you who slayed my kin and burned my village, and it was you that turned me into...this!" Thallius continued to shout. Mittero laughed deep and looked thallius in the eyes. "embrace who you are now boy, I have made you stronger, faster and a more efficient killer, gone are the days of fumbling with clumsy swords and armour. I have big plans for you young Thallius" Thallius's head spun he would rather die a thousand deaths than have to feed off the blood of the living. Thallius stood and balled his hands into tight fists and sprung at Mittero, swing wildly as his rage overflowed, replacing his fear. Each blow was blocked effortlesly, and what wasn't blocked fell short as mitter seemed to stand motionless in front of Thallius. Still Thallius raged at the other Vampire but his attack was pointless and ineffective. The in the blink of an eye Mittero struck Thallius, landing a sharb blow on his sturnum and sending him flying through the air and landing hard on his side, breathing hard and gasping for breath. Mittero laughed. "you have no need to breathe fool, your lungs are usless now, as your heart now ceases to beat, accept when hunger strikes or youre feeding. The older Vampire laughed at Thallius's niavete. "Get up, and look, your maiden has gone, and so has her lover. Did you not notice that he still lived, did you not hear his heart, smell his lifes breath, however so faint?, It seems that you now have an enemy young Thallius, and Im not talking about me........
**Thallus's memmory of Love Lost
He rembered her from time to time, the tears the streaked down her face when he refused her request, the pain he felt as he walked away from her knowing in his heart that he had to do it, and secure in the fact the he would never again love another...
Arilla sat waiting, her beautiful face shining in the light of the full moon, its brillance reflecting of her silken hair in a cascade of silver and gold. Her heart pounded in her chest, he was comming, her Love, her betrothed, her wonderful lover and best friend. "Thallius" she said out loud, just to hear the name of the Elf she loved in her ears, sometimes thoughts of him brought tears to her eyes and she felt blessed to be betrothed to one so gentle and loving. Things were different now, it had been only a month since the Orcs attacked the village, raizing it to the ground and killing most of the men . A few of the women hid, in the cellar of the Temple. after the devistation stopped it took them a long time to come out of hiding. She had not heard from Thallius since the seige and like most men that were not accounted for he was presumed dead. Her hope was never crushed, she knew he was not dead, she felt it, she felt him. A messenger came one day, bearing a note for her. Arilla egerly studdied the parchment and cried in happiness at what it said. He was alive! and he was on his way back and would meet her at their special spot at midnight in a fortnight.