Funny LOTR Jokes

Discussion in 'The Floating Log' started by 1stvermont, Jan 21, 2018.

  1. 1stvermont

    1stvermont Member

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  2. Starbrow

    Starbrow Tolkien Fan

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    Thanks for the laugh.
     

  3. 1stvermont

    1stvermont Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2018
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  4. octoburn

    octoburn Registered User

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    ...
     

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  5. 1stvermont

    1stvermont Member

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    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Was Your Ass Forged By Sauron Because It Looks Precious
     
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  6. Squint-eyed Southerner

    Squint-eyed Southerner Skulking near Archet

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    Time to revive this thread!
    SnwSGMFh.jpg

    One Doughnut to Rule Them All.
     
  7. Desert Loon

    Desert Loon Member

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    We wants it, precious, we wants it . . .
     
  8. Kinofnerdanel

    Kinofnerdanel Member

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    Heavy spam incoming!

    1a4177e3c583863d4285b5305bd7d8f9.jpg
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    tumblr_pafqgsfItb1r0l5boo1_540.jpg valar_marital.jpg tumblr_p5fixxJWL71u8ln5ho1_500.jpg tumblr_p5fixxJWL71u8ln5ho2_500.jpg tumblr_p5fixxJWL71u8ln5ho3_500.jpg tumblr_mtnk5sQvSt1r0ykcvo1_1280.png f7044c18607e3277741357237b748242.jpg e180bec49e41f395ff7930e4acb66fd1.jpg 443030ae90e1b8869a45660127cda133.jpg

    tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_500.jpg tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_501.jpg tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_502.jpg tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_503.jpg tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_504.jpg tumblr_inline_nsq9wnSRSA1rtekcg_505.jpg

    And finally: the life of Fingolfin

    fingolfin.jpg fingolfin1.jpg fingolfin2.jpg fingolfin3.jpg
     
  9. Squint-eyed Southerner

    Squint-eyed Southerner Skulking near Archet

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    You should have posted these separately.

    As it is, I can only hit like once! :D

    "Improvisational Jazz Not Welcome."

    OMG -- Lisa Simpson is Melkor!
    tenor (6).gif
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2018
  10. Aramarien

    Aramarien New Member

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    These are great!! Thank you for sharing these!!
     
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  11. Kinofnerdanel

    Kinofnerdanel Member

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    These have been gathered from Reddit and Tumblr. (I changed the more obscene expressions :D)


    I.
    If The Silmarillion had been written in the style of The Hobbit


    In a hole in the fabric of the universe there lived a god.

    Now, this was not one of those minor gods of bedtime stories or petty wars for heaven; this was the One God, all-loving and all-knowing, who created the world – only he hadn’t created the world just yet, which is why he was sitting in a hole in the fabric of the universe.



    “Feanor and his sons are here already, I see,” said Fingolfin. “Let us join the throng!”

    “Throng!” thought Elu Thingol. “I don’t like the sound of that. I really must sit down for a minute and collect my wits, and have a drink.” He had only just had a sip of wine - safe behind the Girdle of Melian, while the Noldor sat around in Himring, and talked about Morgoth and the rape of the Silmarils and the Kinslaying at Alqualonde, and the crossing of the Helcaraxe, and lots of other things he did not understand, and did not want to, for they sounded much too complicated (and frankly, weird) - when, with the sound of Mandos pronouncing the Doom of the Noldor, another Teleri ship landed on the shores of Beleriand, as if some naughty little Maia had sent it drifting off across the waves.

    ____________

    Far over the grinding ice so cold

    To Middle Earth, our land of old

    We must away ere break of day

    To seek the gems our enemy stole


    ___________

    Swear a legally binding oath

    Cross the sea and tempt your fate

    Slay your kin to get a boat

    That’s what all the Valar hate!


    II.
    When Finrod got lost during the hunt

    I wonder what Maedhros and Maglor thought when Finrod disappeared after their hunt for a while. I imagine it went like this:

    Maedhros: Have you seen Finrod?
    Maglor: I thought he was with you.
    Maedhros: Maybe he’ll be back later.

    *two months later*

    Maglor: Any news from our cousin?
    Maedhros: Nope.

    *another three months later*

    Maedhros: Has Finrod shown up?
    Maglor: No, I’m starting to get worried.

    *another five months later*

    Maedhros: We should write to Nargothrond to let them know their King has disappeared.
    Maglor: No, they’ll decide we’ve murdered him.
    Maedhros: Who do they take us for?

    Maglor:
    Maedhros: Right. We won’t write to Nargothrond.

    *another two months later*

    A letter from Nargothrond

    “Dear cousins,

    I would like to offer my belated thanks for your company. I had a great time. Found a lake with swans, hunted a boar, discovered a new race. They’re adorable. I spent a year with them and have taken one of them to Nargothrond. We should repeat it someday. Maybe we’ll discover new peoples.

    Best wishes,

    Finrod


    III.
    A short biography of Elrond


    · Elrond: Hi! I'm Elrond, and I live with my mommy and daddy and twin brother Elros. I love my family!
    · Eärendil: *sails away*
    · Maedhros and Maglor: Hello
    · Elwing: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, SCUMS!
    · Elwing: *jumps off cliff*
    · Elwing: *turns into a bird*
    · Everyone: WTF
    · Elrond and Elros: Mommy...
    · Maglor: Oh no, oh no, don't cry, smol baby elves, we'll be your new dads now!
    · Maedhros: Wait, what?
    · Elrond and Elros: Yay!
    · Elrond: And you'll never leave us, will you, new dads?
    · Maedhros and Maglor: ...
    · Maedhros and Maglor: *run off to steal the silmarils*
    · Maedhros: *jumps off a cliff*
    · Elrond: Wait, not again-
    · Maglor: *takes a long walk on the beach and is never seen again*
    · Elrond: Well, I guess it's just you and me, Elros-
    · Elros: Actually, I'm gonna become a human and die.
    · Elrond: Oh... ok, that's cool. That's cool. I'm just gonna become bffs with the new king Gil-Galad
    · Gil-Galad: *dies*
    · Elrond: Well, at least I have a beautiful new wife Celebrian
    · Celebrian: *get's attacked by orcs*
    · Celebrian: I must go into the West to seek healing.
    · Elrond: Of course, darling, don't worry about me, at least I still have our three beautiful children-
    · Arwen: Actually I'm gonna become a human and die.
    · Elladan and Elrohir: And um... we're not coming West with you.
    · Elrond: You know what? I'm done. Nobody freaking appreciates me in Middle-Earth. Sayonara, Elrond out.




    IV.
    Incorrect Silm Quotes
    (Site is HERE)

    Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems
    - Túrin


    When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool’. But when I do it I’m “petty” and “need to move on”

    - Caranthir



    *The Gate To Gondolin opens*

    Ecthelion: What are you doing here?
    Tuor: Running away from my problems
    Ecthelion: Come on in

    Morgoth: Do you know anything about huge explosions? Specifically, how to make one?
    Eru: Explosions? What is this for?
    Morgoth: ...Fun



    Feanor
    : I know I pretend to hate you and you pretend to hate me-
    Fingolfin: I do hate you
    Feanor: Why?
    Fingolfin: Because you're a despicable person who's resented me since I was born
    Feanor: Before!


    V.
    Noteworthy


    Achievements of the Noldor:


    Silmarils

    Tengwar

    Palantiri

    Rings of power

    Statues so realistic people thought they were real

    Gave Morgoth a limp (and several other wounds that didn’t heal)

    Seven Hot Feanorian sons

    Crossed the Helcaraxë

    Far too many others to name


    Achievements of the Teleri:

    tumblr_inline_p7gc7bIyub1s9723c_540.jpg

    - silmapaintion

    hot damn who gave feanor a tumblr account







    "Nonetheless they will have need of wood." -Aule

    "Yet suddenly I do not." -Yavanna


    one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math




    Melkor: i have made orc kind

    Valar: you messed up a perfectly good Elf is what you did. look at it. it’s eating the others.





    Galadriel: And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Which is weird because Elrond and I both remember all of this, and rule over large cities of Elves who listen to our wisdom often. Also maybe if we had elf schools or something this wouldn’t have been an issue.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2018
  12. Squint-eyed Southerner

    Squint-eyed Southerner Skulking near Archet

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    Yeah, I know the English version -- but "Das ist meine Karte! Das ist meine Karte!" Cracks me up every time. :D

    And here's a favorite: GRRM vs JRRT!

    Click, if you dare ---

    GRRM vs JRRT:


    Well, I think it's hilarious.

    (Second "spoiler": Guess which one I believe wiped the floor with the other. Hmm. . .Maybe I should make it a poll?)
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
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  13. CirdanLinweilin

    CirdanLinweilin The Wandering Wastrel

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  14. Elaini

    Elaini Lost in Eä

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    This is what I really thought when I saw Legolas doing his thing in the Hobbit:



    Bonus:



    Elf lord lover: "I don't want to wait anymore, melindë. Let's get married, right now."
    Elf lady lover: "Here? Let's at least go some place first where no one's looking."
     
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  15. Squint-eyed Southerner

    Squint-eyed Southerner Skulking near Archet

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    Who knew?
    Iu5IOeX.jpg

    'nother Gandalf.
    35c9e5f04bde1301cbc6edc94d11c1f3.jpg

    And a couple more memes:

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    one-does-not-simply-warp-into-mordor.jpg

    This thread brought to you by:

    5fb23af96da15520ed7076c552682fe5--advertising-industry-tolkien.jpg
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2018
  16. Erestor Arcamen

    Erestor Arcamen Archivist Staff Member

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    Found on Reddit
     

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  17. CirdanLinweilin

    CirdanLinweilin The Wandering Wastrel

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    Clever.




    CL
     
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  18. Legolasss

    Legolasss New Member

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    I freaking love you all and your memes, so here’s some from me to you
    upload_2019-3-21_23-47-10.jpeg

    upload_2019-3-21_23-48-31.jpeg
    Yes, I made that. Tragic, I know.

    upload_2019-3-21_23-49-18.jpeg

    upload_2019-3-21_23-49-35.jpeg
     
  19. Erestor Arcamen

    Erestor Arcamen Archivist Staff Member

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  20. Inziladun

    Inziladun Member

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    [​IMG]
    For the Trekkies here. What does he have in his nasty Starship?
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2019