Discussion in 'The Floating Log' started by 1stvermont, Jan 21, 2018.
Thanks for the laugh.
My son just got this shirt.
I'm not running for fitness I'm running because they're taking the hobbits to Isengard
Sent these to my wife for valentines day.
Great shirt. Sauron make mordor great again
Was Your Ass Forged By Sauron Because It Looks Precious
Time to revive this thread!
One Doughnut to Rule Them All.
We wants it, precious, we wants it . . .
Heavy spam incoming!
And finally: the life of Fingolfin
You should have posted these separately.
As it is, I can only hit like once!
"Improvisational Jazz Not Welcome."
OMG -- Lisa Simpson is Melkor!
These are great!! Thank you for sharing these!!
These have been gathered from Reddit and Tumblr. (I changed the more obscene expressions )
If The Silmarillion had been written in the style of The Hobbit
In a hole in the fabric of the universe there lived a god.
Now, this was not one of those minor gods of bedtime stories or petty wars for heaven; this was the One God, all-loving and all-knowing, who created the world – only he hadn’t created the world just yet, which is why he was sitting in a hole in the fabric of the universe.
“Feanor and his sons are here already, I see,” said Fingolfin. “Let us join the throng!”
“Throng!” thought Elu Thingol. “I don’t like the sound of that. I really must sit down for a minute and collect my wits, and have a drink.” He had only just had a sip of wine - safe behind the Girdle of Melian, while the Noldor sat around in Himring, and talked about Morgoth and the rape of the Silmarils and the Kinslaying at Alqualonde, and the crossing of the Helcaraxe, and lots of other things he did not understand, and did not want to, for they sounded much too complicated (and frankly, weird) - when, with the sound of Mandos pronouncing the Doom of the Noldor, another Teleri ship landed on the shores of Beleriand, as if some naughty little Maia had sent it drifting off across the waves.
Far over the grinding ice so cold
To Middle Earth, our land of old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the gems our enemy stole
Swear a legally binding oath
Cross the sea and tempt your fate
Slay your kin to get a boat
That’s what all the Valar hate!
When Finrod got lost during the hunt
I wonder what Maedhros and Maglor thought when Finrod disappeared after their hunt for a while. I imagine it went like this:
Maedhros: Have you seen Finrod?
Maglor: I thought he was with you.
Maedhros: Maybe he’ll be back later.
*two months later*
Maglor: Any news from our cousin?
*another three months later*
Maedhros: Has Finrod shown up?
Maglor: No, I’m starting to get worried.
*another five months later*
Maedhros: We should write to Nargothrond to let them know their King has disappeared.
Maglor: No, they’ll decide we’ve murdered him.
Maedhros: Who do they take us for?
Maedhros: Right. We won’t write to Nargothrond.
*another two months later*
A letter from Nargothrond
I would like to offer my belated thanks for your company. I had a great time. Found a lake with swans, hunted a boar, discovered a new race. They’re adorable. I spent a year with them and have taken one of them to Nargothrond. We should repeat it someday. Maybe we’ll discover new peoples.
A short biography of Elrond
· Elrond: Hi! I'm Elrond, and I live with my mommy and daddy and twin brother Elros. I love my family!
· Eärendil: *sails away*
· Maedhros and Maglor: Hello
· Elwing: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, SCUMS!
· Elwing: *jumps off cliff*
· Elwing: *turns into a bird*
· Everyone: WTF
· Elrond and Elros: Mommy...
· Maglor: Oh no, oh no, don't cry, smol baby elves, we'll be your new dads now!
· Maedhros: Wait, what?
· Elrond and Elros: Yay!
· Elrond: And you'll never leave us, will you, new dads?
· Maedhros and Maglor: ...
· Maedhros and Maglor: *run off to steal the silmarils*
· Maedhros: *jumps off a cliff*
· Elrond: Wait, not again-
· Maglor: *takes a long walk on the beach and is never seen again*
· Elrond: Well, I guess it's just you and me, Elros-
· Elros: Actually, I'm gonna become a human and die.
· Elrond: Oh... ok, that's cool. That's cool. I'm just gonna become bffs with the new king Gil-Galad
· Gil-Galad: *dies*
· Elrond: Well, at least I have a beautiful new wife Celebrian
· Celebrian: *get's attacked by orcs*
· Celebrian: I must go into the West to seek healing.
· Elrond: Of course, darling, don't worry about me, at least I still have our three beautiful children-
· Arwen: Actually I'm gonna become a human and die.
· Elladan and Elrohir: And um... we're not coming West with you.
· Elrond: You know what? I'm done. Nobody freaking appreciates me in Middle-Earth. Sayonara, Elrond out.
Incorrect Silm Quotes
(Site is HERE)
Everyday is leg day when you’re running from your problems
When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool’. But when I do it I’m “petty” and “need to move on”
*The Gate To Gondolin opens*
Ecthelion: What are you doing here?
Tuor: Running away from my problems
Ecthelion: Come on in
Morgoth: Do you know anything about huge explosions? Specifically, how to make one?
Eru: Explosions? What is this for?
Feanor: I know I pretend to hate you and you pretend to hate me-
Fingolfin: I do hate you
Fingolfin: Because you're a despicable person who's resented me since I was born
Achievements of the Noldor:
Rings of power
Statues so realistic people thought they were real
Gave Morgoth a limp (and several other wounds that didn’t heal)
Seven Hot Feanorian sons
Crossed the Helcaraxë
Far too many others to name
Achievements of the Teleri:
hot damn who gave feanor a tumblr account
"Nonetheless they will have need of wood." -Aule
"Yet suddenly I do not." -Yavanna
one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math
Melkor: i have made orc kind
Valar: you messed up a perfectly good Elf is what you did. look at it. it’s eating the others.
Galadriel: And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Which is weird because Elrond and I both remember all of this, and rule over large cities of Elves who listen to our wisdom often. Also maybe if we had elf schools or something this wouldn’t have been an issue.
Yeah, I know the English version -- but "Das ist meine Karte! Das ist meine Karte!" Cracks me up every time.
And here's a favorite: GRRM vs JRRT!
Click, if you dare ---
Spoiler: "Mature" Rap Battle
GRRM vs JRRT:
Well, I think it's hilarious.
(Second "spoiler": Guess which one I believe wiped the floor with the other. Hmm. . .Maybe I should make it a poll?)
Yeah, about C.S. Lewis......
Just kidding, I won't get into that.
Great jokes though!
This is what I really thought when I saw Legolas doing his thing in the Hobbit:
Elf lord lover: "I don't want to wait anymore, melindë. Let's get married, right now."
Elf lady lover: "Here? Let's at least go some place first where no one's looking."
And a couple more memes:
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