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Beren v. Turin

BlackCaptain

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I was actualy just in Bag End, and there was a writing contest thing going on... The topic was "write a battle about Beren v. Turin" or something like that...

I'm gona slightly abuse the right given to me by Gil-Galad to "come back whenever i want" or something like that :D:D Hahaha

I guess I'm just looking for some opinions on this one... some critisizms.. If anyone has anything they think would be a good adition or make it sound more Vocabularily advance, let me know in this thread! Haha :

The great men among men stood at a dead heat upon Amon Rudh. Whilst the inferno of the Worms of Morgoth and the foul bark of Carcharoth rush in a hurricane at the great hill's base. From Mount Taras behind Vanyimar in Nevrast Tuor saw off in the distance of the night but a spark of red among the black abyss surounding. What meeting of flame and death could cause such radiance? For even Manwë upon Talinquentil could see the sweat and blood of the Men as they were now at a test of will staring deep into one another's eyes.

Luthien and Nienor were both held by captive by Beren and Turin in the caves of Amon Rudh, however the pairing was Turin to Luthien and Beren to Nienor. A grudgery ended in both warriors taking that which is dearest to the other. The battle between the two men had somehow found it's way from the inner most caves of Bar-en-Danwedh where the two were captive, up to the red hill-top covered in seregon of Amon Rudh.

Turin unslinged his bow and sent forth a volley of black arrows with both the speed and precision of the greatest of Elven Archers. Who now knows if Beleg could have bested him in an accuracy contest? But Beren, ever at ease in body and mind deflected the shots as if they were stones. Surely this was the incarnation of great Ainu warriors come to a summit and climax of a great rivalry? Manwë now pondered if even the battle between Morgoth and himself would be one of such malice...

The two engaged in a duel of swordsmanship now... The wreckless hate of Turin drove Beren back to the end of the hill's top. Beren sidestepped every fatal blow from Gurthang. Beren was now showing signs of weariness after hours of the ruthless onslaught of Turin. Not once did Turin show signs of weariness, for such was his hate that it feuled him endlessly.

The flame had now reached the summit of Amon Rudh. The bark of the Red Maw had now become nearly imbearable. At last Turin's blows from Gurthang broke Beren's sword into 3 pieces: hilt and two new blades. With a the cry of a madman and eyes turned from Black to Red, Turin went for the final blow. Alas! with one last efford Beren kicked at the feet of Turin and sent him flying through the flame of Amon Rudh, and as a meteor from the heavens Turin went to his death among the dragons of Angband and the poisoned bite of Carcharoth. Even Manwë upon Talinquentil percieved now in the morning light of Arien that Turin's flame seemed to grow as he fell... The Black that had consumed Turin all his life had finaly given way and the shell was burst, and the flame of Turin's heart was exposed and proven stronger than even that of the Dragons of Morgoth. For even those dragons that Turin's flaming corpse fell upon were burnt, and Glaurung was made blind when Turin fell upon his ever-watchfull eyes.

Beren sat now at the peak of the inferno and the sweat pouring from his face was enough to fill the bowls of two Ents of Dorthonion. The fair red seregon flower now choked on the smoke of Angband and whithered and died. Beren cried then in grievance of the fair plant's passing. When he closed his eyes in surrender to the flame, Eagles of Manwë came upon the golden air of Dawn and bore him to the high peaks above Gondolin, Crissaegrim.

When Beren awake he looked down into the great white city and tear came to his eyes from the great sight. His arm was in a sling, broken from the final blow of Turin, Flame-Heart. He had numerous flesh wounds which were healed by the best elven alchemists of Gondolin. Beren now held converse with Thorondor for a short time. When he learned of the destruction of Amon Rudh (For it was now but a hill of ash and dust), he immediately questioned about his wife, Luthien.
"It grieves me that something so fair should be engulfed in such ruthless hate and flame" said the old Eagle, captain of Manwë's heavenly fleet
With that Beren let out a cry and cast himself from Crissaegrim. He fell then to the green fields encircling Gondolin. The gaurds of the city came to the place of Beren's death, and found naught but a broken, torn, and defeated dirty body of a Man. Upon seeing his face, all the elves broke out in tears, for Beren's face was that of 1,000 tales of Sorrow, and it would be utterly impossible for even Melkor to not be filled with emotion, be it dark and twisted.

Even Manwë now, upon the great mount of Talinquentil in the sky gave forth tear. And with those tears he came to the mound where the Trees of the Valar had failed; and crying he let his tears fall to the ground. And Melkor, percieving this, laughed in the deepest halls of Angband.

But the Trees then sprouted up again and the evil laugh turned into a dead silence. All of Angband was now deadly still, and Melkor was filled with so great a fear that he cowered at the new light from the West.

None of the elves of Arda could have percieved the fate of Men having the longest and lasting effect upon the fate of Arda. And it is said by the few bravest and stout of heart that dare cross by Amon Dagor (Amon Rudh was renamed in the songs of Elves), that among the ash and death of the small hill, there lie the dead body of a Nightengale so white that they are nearly blinded by the beauty. And from under this fair bird of Heaven there sprouts a small stream that grows until it comes to Sirion. Some of these bold adventurers say it is the sweat of Turin and Beren... but the wise among the bold claim it is the last tears of Nienor. Perhaps it is both? For the river was named by the Elves, Nallasir, or Flowing cry.

There-in lies the tale of Beren and Turin, so great men that in them lies a great hope in Arda's fate, for prior to the great battle Manwë had not once set forth tear in all of Arda. And so great was the battle of Beren and Turin, that in causing Manwë to give tear, all of the white host of Valamar was filled with grievance. So is it that the death of but two men could cause thousands, if not millioins of Elves sorrow? If it weren't for the sprouting of the trees, that majority of those Elves would have slain themselves from the horrible sight of Manwë's blue tears.

Such is the power of two great men, to send all of Arda into a state of sorrow and grievance, yet at the same time kindel hope for the destruction of all that is truely evil.
I may have crossed some of the fine points of Tolkien's Legendarium and some of Arda's limits here, but remember I'm further fictionalizing this:D hehe:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 
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BlackCaptain

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Haha that's the part that I couldn't really decide on... and I figured since the topic was the Battle between the two I might as well exclude all the events prior to the battle...

Let's just leave it at a battle of ego's...that always seems to work:D
 

Eledhwen

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I have read the thread concerned. I couldn't write a serious essay on the premise given; maybe I could if I could think of anyone who were enemies enough and Tolkien hadn't already written about their clashes. I did a darts match instead.

Your essay is a good read! Perhaps you would like to re-spell fuelled and guard (unless they're spelled differently in the USA of course).
 

BlackCaptain

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Haha yes, a preliminary draft I guess? But I guess it would be wrong to call it preliminary if it's also the final:rolleyes: :D

I always mess up on spelling...

Oh, and did aynone kwno taht you can rverese ltetres auornd in a wrod, and as lnog as the frist and lsat ltetres are cnositsant whit the proir wrod, polepe gneraely can raed the snetacne fnie!;) :D
 

Turin

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Excelent! Better than I could ever hope to do. I especially liked 'Not once did Turin show signs of weariness, for such was his hate that it feuled him endlessly'. There is one problem though, Beren could never have beaten Turin ;) :rolleyes:.
 

BlackCaptain

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Turin beat himself with his wrath;) He was over-agressive (Double wink)
 

Turin

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Is that supposed to be some kind of hint? ;) :rolleyes:
 

Thingol

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Excellent but i still cant see why luthien and nienor were held captive.However it was really good.
 

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