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Bilbo's spoons - the shocking truth!!!

Turgon

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Bilbo's spoons - the shocking truth!!! Pt I

The Red Book of Westmarch tells us that when Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End returned from his adventures in the east (immortalised in his own words as 'There and Back Again, a Hobbit's Holiday), he was shocked, nay stunned, to find that a large quantity of his best silver spoon had mysteriously 'vanished'... History also tells us that the main suspect for this theft was a certain Mrs. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Aha, but history is, as has oft been said, written by the victors. Yet new information has now come to my attention, and I feel that it is now time to release it to the world at large... Namely that the thief of the aforemention spoons was none other than Gandalf the Grey. The Red Book tells us that at around 10.45am on the morning of April 27th T.A. 2941, Mr Baggins left Bag End without a hat, a walking stick, or any money. What history doesn't tell us is that at 11.00am, a mere 15 minutes after Bilbo's departure Gandalf the Grey was seen departing from Bag End carrying a large sack full of (ahem!) handerchiefs. Yet a certain Gaffer Gamgee, who often did a 'bit of work' for Bilbo, was often heard to say, and I quote. 'Aye, I remember Mr. Gandalf rushing off after Mr. Baggins and those Dwarf fellows, plain as it was yesterday, ran straight through a bed of Nasturtiums he did, his sack o' hankerchiefs a-clinking and a-rattling behind him as he went.' Now of course to the untrained mind, this may seem like purely circumstantial evidence. But let it be noted Gandalf had the opportunity to commit the crime, and a witness saw him leaving the scene of the crime - with an unidentified, yet highly suspect package...
 
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Turgon

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The Shocking Truth Pt II

Futhermore, sources in Rivendell indicate that around this time one 'Pretty-boy' Glorfindel, a notorious Elf (ahem!crime) Lord, was known to be heading west on 'business', taking with him a ten year old boy - Aragorn son of Arathorn, ostensibly to show him the ways of the world. (This boy would learn many things from Pretty-boy, in later life he would be known for his skills in spying, eavesdropping and walking in shadows). Now this 'trip' may not seem remarkable in itself, until one remembers that Gandalf the Grey, suspected spoon robber, mysteriously disappeared from the party of Mr. Bilbo Baggins and the company of Dwarves, then travelling in the Trollshaws near Rivendell, for a period of at least twelve hours. I summit that at this time Gandalf met up with the 'Elf' Lord and his apprentice, and sold the spoons on for a tidy sum. Why would Gandalf the wise sink to common robbery?
i) Gandalf had not received a pay-check, from his employer (one Manwe Sulimo) since T.A. 1100 and was understandably short of cash.
ii) Gandalf was addicted to pipe-weed, he would do anything to get his daily fix.
iii)Many years before Gandalf had sold Bilbo's Grandfather, the Old Took, a pair of magic studs, the payment of which the Old Took subsequently defaulted on, claiming that the studs were a present (and setting a family precedent). Reason enough surely for Gandalf to extract payment from his Grandson?

Gandalf Greyhame, J'accuse...
 
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Lantarion

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That really is amazing! You are a comic genious!! Write and publish a book full of those kind of things, you'd make a fortune! :D
 

Turgon

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Cool! I'm glad you like my thread... I'll nail that swindling old duffer yet. Justice will be served.
 

Isilme

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I already did! Well I actually printed it for my dad but it cracked him up! And I told my friends and they loved it!!

Oh this is Elenya cause I'm too lazy to log on under my name right now. :)
 

EverEve

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LOL! How do you come up with this stuff?
 

Taran

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LOL! Turgon those are absolutly HILARIOUS *gasping for breath...sides...aching...* Is Pt. III forthcoming? I certainly hope so!
 

Turgon

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Currently having a legal dispute with the Estate of Elessar Telcontar, for permission to print extracts from 'The Secret Diary of Estel of Rivendell' The document which will prove my case once and for all, they seem very reluctant to have them released. I fear this cover up goes right to the top...
 

Úlairi

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I am planning to get a pHd in law myself in the future! Perhaps I can help you get it off of them as the are with-holding evidence which is vital for your case Turgon!
 

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