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drjekil's story

drjekil_bg

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this thread look verry interesting so i will tell you a story about my vison of the creation of the world.this part of my fantazy book i am writing by my own.
btw if they are mistakes please dont judge me
well here i go

At the begining it was nothing.Just the unevirse with all those piece of power in witch were hidden life.Once some of those pieces connected and create a diamond.The life in the pieces build in the middle of the diamond his soul.The diamond created first the land.The land was deserted,without nothing on it.Then the diamond created the mountians and the plainñ,the fire and the water,the sky and the stars but there was still something missing.It was too quite,so the diamond created creatures witch to live on the land and enjoi the diamond's creation.The diamond created two suns for the creatures ,wich later were called animals,to bring them light all the time.But the diamond felt that nothing is still complieted.He want to be part of this world,to walk with animals,to eat the fruits so he created two boys in wich heart he locked the two extremes-the good and the evil wich combiend created the ultimated power,the power of love without wich the world is going to end.So the diamond put almost all of his powers in the hearts of those two boys and become a part of them.The boys play all over the land but one day they reach the end of the world and there one of the boys(the one with the power of good) fall but the other one help him.The diamond saw this and deiceded to make the world round so no one will never be able to reach the end of the world.
One day the boys found the cave in wich was the diamond and when they toch it the powers in their hearts unlocked and make diffrent effect on each of them.The one become a stong,beautifull man but the other become in a discusting moster.The monster cant stay the sun so he sent a fire ball to destroy it but the other one didnt want this so he tried to stop the ball but it was too late.The only thing he does is to stop the sun from total distraction.So half of the world was dark and the other one light.But the one with the power of good decide ot make the suns go around the world so half of the time one of the part will be light and the other part dark for only 12 hours.The moster couldn stand this so he make an earthqueake and go underworld were we created his dark kingdom and call it-Hell and himself-Devil.The other one fill the holes from the earthqueake with water and make oceans but the land was separeted.Then he go up to the sky and created the clounds on wich he created his kingdom called-Haeven and himself he called-god.So he watched the world and garded the piece....
 

Lhunithiliel

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I had to move this post here...where it belongs :) (Lhun)
**************

I am so happy that you like it and it will be no problem to me to post the rest.it will be a bit long but i will do in in several posts.so here is how the story continue.

After God went to the sky in his beautifull kingdom made of light he decided to make some one who will help him, so he created creaters that was the greates living creaters of all time.Later they called them angels.They helped God keep the piece but this was something that couldnt be done so easy because the eyes of the Devil were always watching.He also created creatures,creatures made of fire,demons called them soon.Horrible creatures that have only one aim-to kill everything.A war has began, a war between the Devil's demons and God's angels.In this epoque(Ist one) was made the Sword of LIght.A sword created from the heands of God for the commander of the army of angels.A sword in wich God put part of his power and also took two pieces from the univers and put them in the sword as well.The sword was unstoppeble untill the commander of the Devil's army and angels one fight and the angel was killed but the sword was lost .God saw where the sword landed and decided to create a mountain on it to keep him save because he knew that in the future this sword will decide the fait of many.God wins the war in spite of he lost his commander.God told the Devil never to send his demons again on the land or even show himself because he will take his powers.God knew that he cant destroy the Devil because the balanse will be lost and the armageddon will begin.
After the war the land was almost destroied.Everything that once was beautifull has been burn or ruin so God decied to send to the land creatures that will make the land beautifull again.God take part of the sun and the moon and created creatures that were almost beautifull as we angels.They called them elfs.So the elfs begin to remake the land,helping the animals and bulding beautifull villages but Devil had plans of his own....
 

drjekil_bg

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Here is some more of my story for those who like it(i dont think they are many) but anyway


The elfs were living well in the world they called The Great World because this was the biggest and the oldest part of the world were still lies the diamond that created everything around them what is beautifull and adorable.The Devil couldnt watch this happiness so he decided to "still" some elfs and make them evil.But this was impossible because the good power in their hearts was too strong and all the Devil done is to put the power of evil as well but the power of good was still existing in their heart and effect was strange.A new race came on the lands of The Great World,human they called them soon.This new race was not so much perfect like the elfs.They were mortal and they have the ability to feel anger and hate.Feelings that elfs didnt know so far but soon they begin to understand what is that.The people at the beging live in a small part of the Great World but soon they decided that the elfs and humans cant leave together because the elfs look at the humans like cursed elfs that are evil and should not be ont his land but this wasnt the humans falt.They didnt want that fait as well and elfs realise that too late.A war began between the elfs and humans, a war that changed everything.The elfs were no longer alone on the land.Everything was about to change unless....
 

drjekil_bg

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So here is more...


The elf didnt like that on their land now live someone else.They dont like the humans because they knew that in some form they were connected with the Devil.So the elfs become to understand the other part of the power that everyone have-the power of evil.No one likes it but they didnt resiste because everytime they saw a human they remember where they came from become angry.One thing left to another and soon a war become between the man and the elfs.The Devil was happy because of that war but God was sad.He didnt want that to happed.He knew that in spite of the fact that the human are made from the Devil they are in some way God's children as well.He didnt want to watch how his children are dying.We didnt want everythong to go this way so he decided to help them.The send on earth three of his studens-the best one,the powerfull one.A druid that have the power to speak with animal and control them and also to make trees alive and take form of any animal,a necromancer that can speak with the death and summon them from heaven and a woman with the power to give lifeback to everything, with a power greater then the other two.Those three persons came of the Great World and created a castle-The White castle where they lived for many year.On the back of the castle,between the montains they created a hiden city of towers in wich lived a new kind-the pamuds wich are something between elven and a betterfly.they are the best marksmans in the whole world.So the three have make the piece possible again showing the both sides that this war will lead nowhere but in Helll.Soon elfs and human begin to life happily and call the three davers-The Greats.They have stayed in The Great World to make sure that the piece will not be broken again.Soon those three found out that some of the elfs and humans can control the Power diffrent way.So thay become to teach them how to use it for good and soon the elf's wizards and the human's mages begin to walk all over the world searching for elfs and humans that have found out how to use the power.There is a diffrence between the elf's wizards and the human's mages.The wizards are more wise then the mages but the mages are more powerfull because they have both good and evil power but the wizarda have more good and less evil.The Devil saw whats happing so he decided to make a move.He still a human's mage and drain all the good power from him and put only evil so he have become a dark wizard.He sent him on a destend land where he created a dark castle.Soon the elfs descovere this new land useing the portals that alow them to take lond distences for seconds.The dark wizards take over the elfs and make experiments with them.He put more evil in their hearts but the effect was diffrent.A new race was born, a race that didnt know that is good and like only the smell of blood, a race that soon was called The Orcs....
 

Gil-Galad

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.........hmhmhmmhmh:rolleyes:
My personal opinion is different I would say.Having in mind,that drjekil is really young and probably that is his first step in the literature I would greet him for his nice try.
But.As you may know I think that Tolkien is the creator of everything,nothing new could be done without using some of the models Tolkien created.That is why I don't read fantasy books written by other writers(with very few exceptions).So,that is a very good work but Tolkien has still great influence on you.
 

Starflower

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I think that Tolkien is the creator of everything,nothing new could be done without using some of the models Tolkien created.That is why I don't read fantasy books written by other writers

don't you think that's a little unfair towards all the fantasy writers out there? It's kinda like saying Beethoven is the creator of all classical music and nothing new has been composed without it been influenced by him. That may be true, but it shouldn't diminish the value of the writers who have come after. Someone always have to start something, true, if it wasnt for Tolkien , we wouldn't ahve such a vast genre of fantasy. I myself read almost any fantasy book that comes my way, some of them are good, some of them are bad, but I can;t judge that until I have read them.

:)

Starflower
 

Gil-Galad

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Originally posted by Starflower
don't you think that's a little unfair towards all the fantasy writers out there? It's kinda like saying Beethoven is the creator of all classical music and nothing new has been composed without it been influenced by him. That may be true, but it shouldn't diminish the value of the writers who have come after. Someone always have to start something, true, if it wasnt for Tolkien , we wouldn't ahve such a vast genre of fantasy. I myself read almost any fantasy book that comes my way, some of them are good, some of them are bad, but I can;t judge that until I have read them.

:)

Starflower
Yeah,probably is unfair to speak about all fantasy writers.But let me be honest some of them(more than half) are so influenced by Tolkien that when I read them I have the feeling they are trying to "copy" Tolkien.But still,I must confess there are some really good writers which I like and respect.
 

Starflower

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I have to say I'm just such a book freak that I have to read... so I end up reading a lot of junk in search of a good book, but also one finds many hidden gems when one is not being too selective about one;s reading habits. :)



Starflower
 

drjekil_bg

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10x for the critic i really appreciate that but i dont agree that Tolkien is the creator of everything.Yes he have wrote the first fantazy book but this doesnt meen that the others after them are worthless because,i think,in every fantazy book there is something diffrent,something new and fresh and thats whats make it diffrent.Yes, i have used some of his creatures-elfs,orcs...but i dont think i didnt have some new ideas that are doffrent from the Tolkien's one.10x really for the critic.I will post the hole story and them may be you will see that its diffrent from the Tolkien's works
 

Gil-Galad

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Yeah,everyone creates something new and interesting,but also everybody uses the base created by Tolkien.That's the problem I think.
Hey,Starflower,we are both kind of book freaks!Nice to meet another book freak like me!And you know reading a lot of junk creates the TASTE,the FEELING for quality.;) :cool:
 

drjekil_bg

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Originally posted by Gil-Galad
.........hmhmhmmhmh:rolleyes:
My personal opinion is different I would say.Having in mind,that drjekil is really young and probably that is his first step in the literature I would greet him for his nice try.
But.As you may know I think that Tolkien is the creator of everything,nothing new could be done without using some of the models Tolkien created.That is why I don't read fantasy books written by other writers(with very few exceptions).So,that is a very good work but Tolkien has still great influence on you.
i agree with you about the fantazy writers that almost all of them have taken something from the Tolkien's works.But i like to see the creatures for example-elf or orcs in a diffrent situation then the one in the Tolkien's works.I think thats the diffrence between all the fantazy books.Btw i like to read more history books then fantazy but i still enjoi GOOD fantazy
 

drjekil_bg

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...Soon the whole dark and cursed land ,where the black wizard was living,was populated with the orcs.Those ugly creatures that only desire one thing-blood.At the beging in the Great world no one noticed that elfs began to disappear but soon the wizard found out about the portal and told the Greats about the problem.The elfs were so angry about their brothers and sister wich were stold in a black,burned land that they have decided to attack the black wizard with all the force they have.The human saw how angry and in same time sad are the elfs and decided to took part in this battle.Soon a huge army of elfs and human went in to the black land where they were going to face their destiny.The Black wizard gave order to all of his orcs to attack against the elfs and the humans.The battle was terrifying but in the end the elfs and the humans were victorious.The black wizard couldn't stand that lost so he told his apprentice to use the gate that was going to lead him in Hell where the Devil was going to tell him what to do.The black wizard died short after he told this to his apprentice.He died from a magic arrow goven to the commander of the elf's army.The battle was over but for how long...
 

drjekil_bg

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While the elfs and the humans were fighting in the black land, the elf’s wizards have discovered where the diamond which have created everything was hidden. There they have decided that the diamond is in danger in this land, so they gathered all of their power and moved the diamond to a portal that leaded to nowhere. So the diamond was lost forever. But the problems were about the begin.
The elf and humans have won the battle but they didn’t expected what was going to happened. The apprentice of the black wizard went in hell where the Devil told him to go to the Great world using the portal and at the foot of the volcano Helldor to create a second Black castle. And so he did. Soon a new army of orcs were ready to attack but this time the elfs and humans weren’t prepared. So everything was in the hands of the wizard-the human’s wizards because the elf’s ones were too weak to fight. The best human’s mages gathered and make a union-the union of the 14th(the wizards were 14).So first they went in to the cave of the diamonds were they have found 14 peaces left from the diamond. They putted those peaces in 14 amulets which gave each wizard a unique ability. So they were ready, ready for the battle with the black wizard. But the magic wasn’t enough to destroy the army,so the Greats came to help them and the second wizard have fall, but the end wasn’t even close….
 

drjekil_bg

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...The spirit of the second black wizard was destroyed but his apprentices spirit havnt been,so he went to Hell where the Devil was going to give him soon a special mission.While the battle with the second dark wizard a new race came on earth,no expalanation about how they were created.Small were they and the called them dwarfs.They liked staying under the earth so the Greats gave them 3 kingdoms in the mountains but soon the dwarfs wanted more but elf didnt want to gave them.Now on the earth the Great world they were 3 races and the land wasnt enough.Soon the dwarf and the elfs began a argument abou the lands.Both didnt want this to lead to a war so they decided to ask the Greats about help but the Greats told them that they wont give more land to the gwars.The dwarfs got mad and they told the elfs and the Greats that they will never leave thier kingdoms again and they will never help the Great world.
The lands problem still remains because the human's race grown too much,so the elfs decided that is their time come to leave this land and find another one where they will be happy.So now on the Great world only humans have left except for the one small kingdom of elfs who didnt want to leave because they have believed that this land is made for them.The Devil was just waiting for this because the elf's problems in the new land were they established were about to begin ....
 

Eledhwen

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Originally posted by Gil-Galad
Yeah,everyone creates something new and interesting,but also everybody uses the base created by Tolkien.That's the problem I think.
Hey,Starflower,we are both kind of book freaks!Nice to meet another book freak like me!And you know reading a lot of junk creates the TASTE,the FEELING for quality.;) :cool:
It also creates a bad taste in the mouth about all the time wasted reading it! Thank God for free lending libraries - at least I don't waste money too! I don't mind Tolkein derivatives; I really enjoyed reading "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever", for instance, but practically every character and scene was a re-write of a Tolkien idea. It was like he pinched the different world from CS Lewis and the rest from Tolkein. What really irritates me is run-of-the-mill writers (like Raymond Feist) having their stuff publicised as better than Tolkien (quote: If Tolkien made you fly, Raymond Feist will make you soar!).

Keep your nose to the manuscript DrJ. Even the most talented must practice their art. You have some talent. I would suggest more dialogue so that we 'get to know' the characters through their own words. EG: instead of "The Black wizard gave order to all of his orcs to attack against the elfs and the humans." I would have written something like "The Black wizard rose, holding his staff aloft. His face darkened like gathering thunder as he spat the words; 'I will tolerate them no more. Gather every orc from every dark corner of my domain. Attack I say! Kill! Kill, until every Elf and every Man is slain! Attack!'" or something like that. The seed is good. Water it!
 

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My god,i cant believe that someone really read this.well i want to say here that this is just something that happend before the real story.And there is where you will find all the dialogues and staff.This is just something that is in some way connected with the story.Well i see that atleast one person is interested,so i will post tomorow more.
 

drjekil_bg

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well i wasnt posting some of my story for a while but i am continuing now and soon the truth will be rivield.

....So the elfs have establishe in their new land where they devided in threee kingdoms.One for the high elves-masters of the sword,one for the sun(light) elvres-masters of the bow and one,which was more like a moving camp,for the night(moon) elves wich were able to see better then every other creature on this planet so far.The three kingdoms live happily,althought the night elves always do everything by themselves and dont worry about what is happening in the other two kingdoms.But soon all this tha look green and beautifull was going to fall in to the shadows.Before the elves came on this land here died one of the 14th wizards that have destroy the second dark master.The wizard owned the amulet of life which is the second powerfull after the amulet of power.So when the mage died the amulets remains in this land but the problem was that the mage have hidden the amulet so noone will ever find it and use it for evil or even for good.But the Devil knows that the amulet was out there and soon the begin to think of a plan how to find the amulet and use it against all living creatures.Soon he found a wizard that he could use.An elf wizard,althought the elf's mages were populer with there hate from the traitor, one of then wasnt on this side.He decided that the power that holds this artefact will give him power that could not much with the forcec of the world.So the Devvil told him that he must go to the three kingdoms and began to talk about this artefact and the power it holds.The wizard tool advantage of the devil's words and went to the kingdom of the high elves where he began to talk about the amuler,soon the high elves were ready to began to search the amulet but the light elves were ready as well.Only the night elves didnt want to to search the amuler.they sensed that there is something wrong in all this but it was too late.Soon the rest of the elves found the amulet but their desire to have the amulet was too strong and they didnt know how to decide which one of them to take it.A war began between the two kingdoms,a war that was the begining of their total doom.Only one person in this war sensed like the night elves that behind this stands the wizard.a young wizard that was still a student and when he told the king what he thinks,he was doomed to leave in the mountains.There he met the night elves and they believed in the words of the boy and decided to help the others.Soon the night elves cought the evil wizard who was so close to the amulet that he need one day more and the power to destroy evetyone was going to be in his hands.But they stopped him and the night elves took the amuler and decided to keep it without using it and saying to anyone that they have the amulet.But this war was just the begining of the end od the elvens race because mean while in the Great world something terrible have began.....
 

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after the elves were gone,the great world was in the heand of the humans.The few elves that didn want to leave established a small kingdom.The land was devided in 7 kingdoms.Each kigdom have a wizard-advizer that have one of the seven amulets(the other 7 were destroyed or lost).At the begining everything was fine.The 7 kingdoms live happily for almost a century but soon some of them become to desire more power and space.Some of them wanted bigger land then the one they have.First king Ler decided to gather the 7 kings make thing work out with an easy way but it was immpossible.Noone wanted to give some of his land.So there was only one way-war.The war that was going to change the great world forever.The war was terrible,many have died.Soon the Nemer kingdom become to took over most of th lands.King Ler was about to lose his kingdom but one night an angel showed in the dream of king ler.The angel told him to look in a hidden place in his mines.There he was going to find the sword of light.The sword that will bring him the power to become an imperator.THe other day,ler found the sword and soon the entire land was under his control.He have become an imperator.But there was someon else who want the great world-the devil.When he saw that the sword of light was once again found he send in Ineriq-the new land of the elfs,the spirit of the apprentice of the second dark wizard.The devil gave him part of his own power and told him to go to ineriq and turn all the elves in orcs using the spell created but the first dark wizard.the spirt lisened to the devil and went in ineriq where he turned all the elves in to orcs.He took the body of the king of the high elves and leave one of the elves unchanged to lead the army.The elves world was gone,the hope have died....
 

drjekil_bg

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.....the empire was born and the peace returned for a while.THe emporer Ler tried to keep the balance between the lands who wherent happy with the new order.Soon everything seems to be fine until the shadow from the east once again strike the land.THe army of orc was ready,ready to kill,ready to destroy the human kind.They came to the great world using of the many magic portal.The orc horde killed everything that stand in his way.THe empire wasnt ready for another war but what chose did she had.Ler grouped his army and march to the Deredal field where the fought the orc army.Even the sword of light was powerless against this army but yet the humans had luck and the war was going to be won by them but then in this very moment the dark wizard came in the field.Zercon they called him.The told LEr that he want to fight him.LEr didnt have choice,he accepted and a battle egin bettwen the two men.The power of Zercon was more powerfull then anyone expected.THe evil forces the devil gave him,helped the dark wizard to win the battle.Ler wasnt possible to stop him.Ler died and in this moment all hope for the Great world fell and the end seems to be close but there was something that Zercon didnt know that only Ler and his heirs can toch and hold the sword and when the black wizard took the sword a lightening from the sky killed the body that he used.Zercon was mad,he didnt expected this to happend.Using lots of his powers her took the sword in Ineriq were we decided to stay and gard the sword until his army find the heir.But heir was hidden.Mendelf,the wizard that served Ler,gave the heir to a village women withe an order to hide the child and never brig it back.The army of orc wasnt still destory and now without the sword the victory of the orcs was sure.The small kingdom of the elves had fall almost all the land was burned.THen the wizard that still have the amulets of power united to kill Zercon.They went to Ineriq where they fought the wizard.Their advantage was that the wizard was tired after transporting the sword in his black castle.They werent able to kill him but they cought him in a ruby.His army disapper with him.Victory once again was in the habds of men but there was something that they have forgot.The heir was in a place that noone knew.There was nothing that the wizards can do.Mendelf have had a put a spell on the boy that will keep him from magics and noone was able to find him.So the seven wizard diceded to take the stone with wich the gath to Ineriq was possible to open and separeted in four parts.They hide the parts so that noone will be able to go this land.Now the empire have no emporer and the land was almost destroy.Even with victory onone felt happy.the people were going to be sad until the heir is found and the sword once again returned.....



this is the end of the so called "prologue"
i'm not sure if a should continue
if someone is interesting let me know.the story have just begin.if now i will start a new story
 

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Ortank,Isengard
.....the empire was born and the peace returned for a while.THe emporer Ler tried to keep the balance between the lands who wherent happy with the new order.Soon everything seems to be fine until the shadow from the east once again strike the land.THe army of orc was ready,ready to kill,ready to destroy the human kind.They came to the great world using of the many magic portal.The orc horde killed everything that stand in his way.THe empire wasnt ready for another war but what chose did she had.Ler grouped his army and march to the Deredal field where the fought the orc army.Even the sword of light was powerless against this army but yet the humans had luck and the war was going to be won by them but then in this very moment the dark wizard came in the field.Zercon they called him.The told LEr that he want to fight him.LEr didnt have choice,he accepted and a battle egin bettwen the two men.The power of Zercon was more powerfull then anyone expected.THe evil forces the devil gave him,helped the dark wizard to win the battle.Ler wasnt possible to stop him.Ler died and in this moment all hope for the Great world fell and the end seems to be close but there was something that Zercon didnt know that only Ler and his heirs can toch and hold the sword and when the black wizard took the sword a lightening from the sky killed the body that he used.Zercon was mad,he didnt expected this to happend.Using lots of his powers her took the sword in Ineriq were we decided to stay and gard the sword until his army find the heir.But heir was hidden.Mendelf,the wizard that served Ler,gave the heir to a village women withe an order to hide the child and never brig it back.The army of orc wasnt still destory and now without the sword the victory of the orcs was sure.The small kingdom of the elves had fall almost all the land was burned.THen the wizard that still have the amulets of power united to kill Zercon.They went to Ineriq where they fought the wizard.Their advantage was that the wizard was tired after transporting the sword in his black castle.They werent able to kill him but they cought him in a ruby.His army disapper with him.Victory once again was in the habds of men but there was something that they have forgot.The heir was in a place that noone knew.There was nothing that the wizards can do.Mendelf have had a put a spell on the boy that will keep him from magics and noone was able to find him.So the seven wizard diceded to take the stone with wich the gath to Ineriq was possible to open and separeted in four parts.They hide the parts so that noone will be able to go this land.Now the empire have no emporer and the land was almost destroy.Even with victory onone felt happy.the people were going to be sad until the heir is found and the sword once again returned.....



this is the end of the so called "prologue"
i'm not sure if i should continue
if someone is interested let me know.the story have just begin.if no i will start a new story
 

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