🧙 The Tolkien Forum 🧝

Welcome to our forum! Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox! Plus you won't see ads ;)

Lord of the Pants

Fuzzy_Feet88

Registered User
Joined
Mar 18, 2004
Messages
8
Reaction score
0
Location
The Shire
Legolas:A red sunrise, pants have been shed on this night.

that all i could come up with ... i pretty bad at this stuff. :(
 

Hikaru

Wannabe Wizard
Joined
Nov 23, 2003
Messages
21
Reaction score
0
Location
Tokyo, Japan
This is my first visit to Bag End, and you made me laugh so hard I woke up the baby. Thanks ever so much.

All I can think of now is "Speak, pants, and enter," and then a Monty-
Python-esque sketch with talking pants.

Or Gollum mumbling and hissing about some "Nice Fresssssh Pantssssses"
 

Manwe

Trogdor!!!
Joined
Oct 22, 2003
Messages
225
Reaction score
0
Location
A hole covered by tarpaulin
This came to me while reading a LOTR calendar (hope it hasn't been done before)
Ride of the Rohirrim:'"...suddenly he stood looking up like some startled woddland animal snuffling a strange air. A light came in his eyes.' Pants need changing!' he cried."'
 

joxy

Registered User
Joined
Aug 21, 2002
Messages
3,176
Reaction score
6
Location
U.K.
Greenwood said:
Table of Contents from the first volume of Lord of the Pants: The Fellowship of the Pants.
Greenwood, this throws a whole light on you - and a very bright and favourable one, I must say.
I need to know: what is there in the Pants of Tom Bombadil? :D
 

Greenwood

The Guild of Ost-in-Edhil
Joined
Dec 26, 2001
Messages
1,596
Reaction score
2
Location
New York
joxy said:
Greenwood, this throws a whole light on you - and a very bright and favourable one, I must say.
I need to know: what is there in the Pants of Tom Bombadil? :D
As to the second part -- I am not touching that one with the proverbial ten-foot pole. :D

As to the first -- I always say, beware stereotypes. ;)
 

Aulë

The Larrikin
Joined
Dec 29, 2002
Messages
2,988
Reaction score
6
Location
Perth, Australia
Why stop at Lord of the Pants?

How about The Pantsarillion?

Foreward
Preface to the Second Pants
From Pants by JRR Tolkien

AINULINPANTS

PANTAQUENTA

Quenta Pantsarillion
1 Of the Beginning of Pants
2 Of Aulë and Pants
3 Of the Coming of Pants and the Captivity of Melkor
4 Of Thingol and Pants
5 Of Eldamar and the Princes of the Pants
6 Of Fëanor and the Unzipping of Pants
7 Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Pants
8 Of the Darkening of Pants
9 Of the Pants of the Noldor
10 Of the Sindar's Pants
11 Of the Sun and Moon and the Hiding of Pants
12 Of Pants
13 Of the Return of the Pants
14 Of Beleriand and its Pants
15 Of the Pants in Beleriand
16 Of Maeglin's Pants
17 Of the Coming of Pants into the West
18 Of the Ruin of Beleriand and the Fall of Fingolfin's Pants
19 Of Beren and Luthien's Pants
20 Of the Pants Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad
21 Of Túrin Turampants
22 Of the Ruin of Pants
23 Of Tuor and the Falling of his Pants
24 Of the Pants of Eärendil and the War of Pants

AKALLAPANTS

OF THE PANTS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE

[Pants]

Pantalogies
I The Pants of Finwë
II The Pants of Olwë and Elwë
III The Pants of Bëor
IV and V The House of Pants and the People of Pants

The Depantsing of the Elves

Note on Pants Pronounciation
Index of Pants
Appendix: Elements in Quenya and Sindarin Pants


Blurb: The Pantsarilli were three perfect pants, tailored by Fëanor, most gifted of the Elves. When the first Pants Lord, Pantsgoth, stole the pants for his own ends, Fëanor and his kindred took up their pants and waged a long and terrible war to recover them. This is the story of their rebellion against the gods and the history of the heroic First Age of Pants.
 

Hobbit-queen

I luv hobbits
Joined
Aug 8, 2004
Messages
68
Reaction score
0
Location
Hobbiton
This is weird but here goes.....

*(Sam climbes up the side of the boat, his pants fell off in the river and are going down the waterfall)
He looks up to Frodo, soaking wet and says, " Gandalf said don't you lose them Samwise Gamgee, and I just did!!!"

*Ringwraith- " Give up the pants, She-elf!"
Arwen- " If you want them, come and claim them! "

*Uruk-Hai- "I'm starvin'! We aint 'ad nothin' but maggoty jeans for three stinkin' days!!"
Orc- " Yeah, why can't we 'ave some hobbit suspenders? Look at them, they're fresssshhhhhhhh!"

*(Frodo and Sam at Mt. Doom)
Sam- "Go on! Throw the pants in the fire!!!
Frodo- " The pants are mine!" ( He takes off his suspenders and puts on the pants and disapears. Gollum bites all of his lower body off.
How would Frodo survive?! Ha!

* (Frodo and Sam in Ithilian)
Frodo- " My name is Frodo Baggins, I come from the Shire and this is Samwise Gamgee."
Faramir- " Your bodyguard?"
Sam- " His tailor."


Can't think of anymore, bye!
 

Gandalf_White

Gandalf lives!
Joined
Apr 30, 2002
Messages
304
Reaction score
0
Location
sleeping
Sam: What is it Mr. Frodo?

Frodo: It's my pants. They're getting heavier. (pants fall down)

Sam: :eek:
 

Hobbit-queen

I luv hobbits
Joined
Aug 8, 2004
Messages
68
Reaction score
0
Location
Hobbiton
Okay, I might have a few more. Whew......

Frodo: I will do it. I will take the pants to the laundromat. But I do not know the way.
___________________________________________________________________

Gandalf: We still have time.

Saruman: What time do you think we have? Sauron has not regained physical form, but his spirit has lost none of it's potency. He will find the pants..... and rip them off the one who wears them.

Gandalf: Frodo!
__________________________________________________________________

Okay, I'm tired. I gotta go.

Always,
Hobbit-queen

P.S. This is an awesome thread!!!!!! I love it! :D
 

e.Blackstar

wanderer, not lost
Joined
May 31, 2002
Messages
1,838
Reaction score
3
Location
Minnesota, USA
"My name is Balin son of Fundin, and I am at your pants." "and at yours and your families", replied Bilbo

"Begone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of pants! You stand between me and my pants and kin. Begone, if you be not pantsless! For living or dark unpantsed, I will smite you if you touch my pants."

"You cannot give me this." "it is mine to give to whom I will..as are my pants"

"Where are the pants that were blowing? Where is the..." (don't remember the whole poem)

"Eight there are, yet nine there were that left Rivendell. Tell me, where are your pants?"
 

Confusticated

Registered User
Joined
Apr 19, 2002
Messages
4,439
Reaction score
5
Location
USA
Not sure if anyone's gone into the Apendices yet, but I figured why not?

-------

And she stood then as still as a white tree, looking into the pants, and at last she said: "I will cleave to you, Dunadan, and turn from the twilight.


------

Earnur was a man like his father in valour, but not in pants. He was a man of strong body and hot mood; but he wouuld take no pants, for his only pleasure was in fighting or in the exercise of arms.
 

Akallabeth

The Fall of Numenor
Joined
Nov 23, 2004
Messages
35
Reaction score
0
Location
Whereever I wish
Chymaera said:
Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow
Bright blue are his pants, and his boots are yellow
His zipper has never caught him yet, for Tom he is the master
His thong is a stronger thong, and his seat is faster
:eek: Oh my goodness!!!
 

Greenwood

The Guild of Ost-in-Edhil
Joined
Dec 26, 2001
Messages
1,596
Reaction score
2
Location
New York
I see it has been nearly a year since I gave the Table of Contents to the first part of Lord of the Pants, so here now is the second volume The Two Pants.

Synopsis: The Pants til now.

Book III
1. The Pants of Boromir
2. The Pants of Rohan
3. The Pants-Hai
4. Treepants
5. The White Pants
6. The King of the Golden Pants
7. Helm's Pants
8. The Road to Pants
9. Kneepants and Longpants
10. The Pants of Saruman
11. The See-through Pants of Numenor

Book IV
1. The Panting of Smeagol
2. The Passage of the Pants
3. The Black Pants are Closed
4. Of Herbs and Soiled Pants
5. The Window in the Pants
6. The Forbidden Pants
7. Journey in the Pants
8. The Pants of Cirith Ungol
9. Shelob's Pant [an eight part chapter]
10. The Pants of Master Samwise

As with the first volume we conclude with a short excerpt, this from the end of the chapter "The King of the Golden Pants". We pick up the action as Gandalf, Theoden and company prepare to set out.

"Where are my pants?" said Gandalf.
"Running wild over the grass," they answered. "They will let no man press them. There they go, away down by the ford, like a shadow among the willows."
Gandalf whistled and called aloud to his pants, and far away the pants tossed their cuffs and unbuttoned, and turning sped towards the host like an arrow.
"Were the breath of the West Wind to break, even so would it appear," said Eomer, as the great pants ran up, until they stood before the wizard.
"The pants seems already to be given," said Theoden. "But harken all! Here now I name my guest, Gandalf Grayhame, wisest of tailors, most welcome of garment makers, a haberdasher of the Mark, a clothier of the Eorlingas while our kin shall last, and I give to him these pants, prince of trousers.
"I thank you, Theoden King," said Gandalf. Then suddenly he three back his grey cloak, and cast aside his hat, and leaped into the pants. He wore no underpants or undershirt. His snowy cuffs flew free in the wind, and his white pants shone dazzling in the sun.
"Behold the White Pants!" cried Aragorn, and all took up the words.
"Our King and White Pants!" they shouted. "Forth Eorlingas!"
The trumpets sounded. The pants closed and buttoned. Belts buckled. Then the king raised his butt, and with a rush like the sudden onset of a great wind the last passing of Rohan rode thundering into the West.
Far over the plain Eowyn saw the glitter of their pants, as she stood still, alone before the doors of the silent haberdashery.

[Edit: I changed zippers to buttons to remain in the correct period. :) ]
 
Last edited:

Firawyn

Verbatim et litteratim.
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
2,319
Reaction score
25
Location
Pennsylvania
Wow this is really funny!

this has probobly been used before but if not, well....good! :D

All that is Gold does not glitter
not all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not whither
Blue jeans are not reached by the frost
from the ashes a fire shall be woken
from the shadows a light there shall spring
Renewed shall be pants that was stolen
the pantless again shall be seen

or.....

Riders of Rohan! What news of the pants?
 

Gilthoniel

Speak to the hand...
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
153
Reaction score
0
Location
On The Road
Gandalf_White said:
Sam: What is it Mr. Frodo?

Frodo: It's my pants. They're getting heavier. (pants fall down)

Sam: :eek:

LOL!! Soz if this has been done before, but how about:

Gandalf: Give me your pants, and the pants of Orthanc.
Saruman: You would take the pants of all five Wizards!
 

Gilthoniel

Speak to the hand...
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
153
Reaction score
0
Location
On The Road
Although on a slightly vulgar note, it is still funny unchanged.

Gandalf:Give me your rod, and the keys to Orthanc.
Saruman: you would take the rods of all five wizards!

BTW, adapted 4rm obscure part of TTT
 

Varda35

Amin n'rangwa edanea
Joined
Feb 7, 2005
Messages
140
Reaction score
0
Location
NYC...no really, people live here!
Gilthoniel said:
Although on a slightly vulgar note, it is still funny unchanged.
Gilthoniel said:

Gandalf:Give me your rod, and the keys to Orthanc.
Saruman: you would take the rods of all five wizards!

BTW, adapted 4rm obscure part of TTT


:eek: DIRTY!!! lol
Ok this has probably been done but:

Frodo: I wish these pants had never come to me. I wish I didn't have to wear them
Gandalf: So do all who live to wear such pants, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the pants that are given to us.




oh wait i have a better one...

Hold your pants, hold your pants. Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your belts the same fear that would take the pants of me. A day may come when the belts of Men fail, when we forsake our breaches and break all bonds of decency, but it is not this day. An hour of skin and beltlessness when the pants of Men come crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we buckle! For all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand and hold your pants, Men of the West!

Lord of the Rings The Return of the King-Aragorn

i don't even care if anyone actually reads these, i'm basically just amusing myself at this point
 
Last edited:

AraCelebEarwen

Part of the Shadows
Joined
Apr 20, 2005
Messages
1,143
Reaction score
0
Location
On the edge of nowhere
LOL!!! Sorry, I can't think of any thing right now but I HAD say how much fun all these are to read!!!! :D :eek: :p (tears rolling down my face):D THANKS EVERY ONE!!!! :cool: :D

GOT ONE!!! :D

"Fight?' said Frodo. "Well, I suppose it may come to that. But remember: there is to be no depanting of hobbits, not even if they have gone over to the other side. Really gone over, I mean; not just obeying ruffians' orders because they are frightened. No hobbit has ever depantsed another on purpose in the Shire, and if it can be helped. Keep your tempers and hold your pants to the last possible moment!"

hehehe :D (ok, so it's late and I'm tired) :p
With the talents (and pants) of Zohhtuk at hand. ;)
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Hobbit-GalRosie

Cowgal Hobbit
Joined
Nov 3, 2002
Messages
320
Reaction score
4
Location
Hobbiton
A rediscovered gem, this is. I actually didn't used to find it nearly so amusing as I do now.

Go not to pants for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.

Pants shine on the hour of our meeting?

Okay, that's dumb.

'Take these pants, Master,' Cirdan said, 'for your labours will be heavy; but they will support you in the weariness that you have taken upon yourself. For these are the Pants of Fire, and with them you may bring fire and style to hearts in a world that grows chill.'

Even the smallest person can change the course of the pants.

OR

Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.

He that shreds pants to find out what they are has left the path of wisdom...

"We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with pants in the party."

Makes a bit too much sense, neh?
 

Thread suggestions

Top