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This came to me while reading a LOTR calendar (hope it hasn't been done before)
Ride of the Rohirrim:'"...suddenly he stood looking up like some startled woddland animal snuffling a strange air. A light came in his eyes.' Pants need changing!' he cried."'
Preface to the Second Pants
From Pants by JRR Tolkien
1 Of the Beginning of Pants
2 Of Aulë and Pants
3 Of the Coming of Pants and the Captivity of Melkor
4 Of Thingol and Pants
5 Of Eldamar and the Princes of the Pants
6 Of Fëanor and the Unzipping of Pants
7 Of the Silmarils and the Unrest of the Pants
8 Of the Darkening of Pants
9 Of the Pants of the Noldor
10 Of the Sindar's Pants
11 Of the Sun and Moon and the Hiding of Pants
12 Of Pants
13 Of the Return of the Pants
14 Of Beleriand and its Pants
15 Of the Pants in Beleriand
16 Of Maeglin's Pants
17 Of the Coming of Pants into the West
18 Of the Ruin of Beleriand and the Fall of Fingolfin's Pants
19 Of Beren and Luthien's Pants
20 Of the Pants Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad
21 Of Túrin Turampants
22 Of the Ruin of Pants
23 Of Tuor and the Falling of his Pants
24 Of the Pants of Eärendil and the War of Pants
Note on Pants Pronounciation
Index of Pants
Appendix: Elements in Quenya and Sindarin Pants
Blurb: The Pantsarilli were three perfect pants, tailored by Fëanor, most gifted of the Elves. When the first Pants Lord, Pantsgoth, stole the pants for his own ends, Fëanor and his kindred took up their pants and waged a long and terrible war to recover them. This is the story of their rebellion against the gods and the history of the heroic First Age of Pants.
*(Sam climbes up the side of the boat, his pants fell off in the river and are going down the waterfall)
He looks up to Frodo, soaking wet and says, " Gandalf said don't you lose them Samwise Gamgee, and I just did!!!"
*Ringwraith- " Give up the pants, She-elf!"
Arwen- " If you want them, come and claim them! "
*Uruk-Hai- "I'm starvin'! We aint 'ad nothin' but maggoty jeans for three stinkin' days!!"
Orc- " Yeah, why can't we 'ave some hobbit suspenders? Look at them, they're fresssshhhhhhhh!"
*(Frodo and Sam at Mt. Doom)
Sam- "Go on! Throw the pants in the fire!!!
Frodo- " The pants are mine!" ( He takes off his suspenders and puts on the pants and disapears. Gollum bites all of his lower body off.
How would Frodo survive?! Ha!
* (Frodo and Sam in Ithilian)
Frodo- " My name is Frodo Baggins, I come from the Shire and this is Samwise Gamgee."
Faramir- " Your bodyguard?"
Sam- " His tailor."
Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow Bright blue are his pants, and his boots are yellow His zipper has never caught him yet, for Tom he is the master His thong is a stronger thong, and his seat is faster
I see it has been nearly a year since I gave the Table of Contents to the first part of Lord of the Pants, so here now is the second volume The Two Pants.
Synopsis: The Pants til now.
1. The Pants of Boromir
2. The Pants of Rohan
3. The Pants-Hai
5. The White Pants
6. The King of the Golden Pants
7. Helm's Pants
8. The Road to Pants
9. Kneepants and Longpants
10. The Pants of Saruman
11. The See-through Pants of Numenor
1. The Panting of Smeagol
2. The Passage of the Pants
3. The Black Pants are Closed
4. Of Herbs and Soiled Pants
5. The Window in the Pants
6. The Forbidden Pants
7. Journey in the Pants
8. The Pants of Cirith Ungol
9. Shelob's Pant [an eight part chapter]
10. The Pants of Master Samwise
As with the first volume we conclude with a short excerpt, this from the end of the chapter "The King of the Golden Pants". We pick up the action as Gandalf, Theoden and company prepare to set out.
"Where are my pants?" said Gandalf.
"Running wild over the grass," they answered. "They will let no man press them. There they go, away down by the ford, like a shadow among the willows."
Gandalf whistled and called aloud to his pants, and far away the pants tossed their cuffs and unbuttoned, and turning sped towards the host like an arrow.
"Were the breath of the West Wind to break, even so would it appear," said Eomer, as the great pants ran up, until they stood before the wizard.
"The pants seems already to be given," said Theoden. "But harken all! Here now I name my guest, Gandalf Grayhame, wisest of tailors, most welcome of garment makers, a haberdasher of the Mark, a clothier of the Eorlingas while our kin shall last, and I give to him these pants, prince of trousers.
"I thank you, Theoden King," said Gandalf. Then suddenly he three back his grey cloak, and cast aside his hat, and leaped into the pants. He wore no underpants or undershirt. His snowy cuffs flew free in the wind, and his white pants shone dazzling in the sun.
"Behold the White Pants!" cried Aragorn, and all took up the words.
"Our King and White Pants!" they shouted. "Forth Eorlingas!"
The trumpets sounded. The pants closed and buttoned. Belts buckled. Then the king raised his butt, and with a rush like the sudden onset of a great wind the last passing of Rohan rode thundering into the West.
Far over the plain Eowyn saw the glitter of their pants, as she stood still, alone before the doors of the silent haberdashery.
[Edit: I changed zippers to buttons to remain in the correct period. ]
this has probobly been used before but if not, well....good!
All that is Gold does not glitter
not all those who wander are lost
The old that is strong does not whither
Blue jeans are not reached by the frost
from the ashes a fire shall be woken
from the shadows a light there shall spring
Renewed shall be pants that was stolen
the pantless again shall be seen
Frodo: I wish these pants had never come to me. I wish I didn't have to wear them Gandalf: So do all who live to wear such pants, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the pants that are given to us.
oh wait i have a better one...
Hold your pants, hold your pants. Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your belts the same fear that would take the pants of me. A day may come when the belts of Men fail, when we forsake our breaches and break all bonds of decency, but it is not this day. An hour of skin and beltlessness when the pants of Men come crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we buckle! For all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand and hold your pants, Men of the West!
Lord of the Rings The Return of the King-Aragorn
i don't even care if anyone actually reads these, i'm basically just amusing myself at this point
LOL!!! Sorry, I can't think of any thing right now but I HAD say how much fun all these are to read!!!! (tears rolling down my face) THANKS EVERY ONE!!!!
"Fight?' said Frodo. "Well, I suppose it may come to that. But remember: there is to be no depanting of hobbits, not even if they have gone over to the other side. Really gone over, I mean; not just obeying ruffians' orders because they are frightened. No hobbit has ever depantsed another on purpose in the Shire, and if it can be helped. Keep your tempers and hold your pants to the last possible moment!"
hehehe (ok, so it's late and I'm tired)
With the talents (and pants) of Zohhtuk at hand.
A rediscovered gem, this is. I actually didn't used to find it nearly so amusing as I do now.
Go not to pants for counsel, for they will say both no and yes.
Pants shine on the hour of our meeting?
Okay, that's dumb.
'Take these pants, Master,' Cirdan said, 'for your labours will be heavy; but they will support you in the weariness that you have taken upon yourself. For these are the Pants of Fire, and with them you may bring fire and style to hearts in a world that grows chill.'
Even the smallest person can change the course of the pants.
Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.
He that shreds pants to find out what they are has left the path of wisdom...
"We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with pants in the party."