- Mar 9, 2005
- Reaction score
Well, at least I didn't use Sowron, Brandyswine River, or Boared of the Rings.
The four entered the dining room and sat at a booth near the roaring propane fireplace that eternally roasted a large cement boar on a motorized spit. The soft notes of a badly played Muzak eddied through the crowded rooms as the ravenous boggies studied the menu, which was ingeniously shaped like a sow giving birth. As Frito considered an “Uncle Piggy’s OinkOink Burger-on-a-Bun” flambéed in purest linseed oil, Spam hungrily ogled the scantily clad “piglets” who served as waitresses, each buxom wench also outfitted in fake tail, ears, and snout.
One of the piglets sidled up to the table for their order as Spam greedily took stock of her big red eyes, crooked blond wig, and hairy legs.
“Youse slobs wanna order yet?” asked the piglet as she teetered uncomfortably on her spiked heels.
“Two Oink-Oink Burgers and two Bow-Wow Specials, please,” answered Frito respectfully.
“Somethun’ t’ ring, uh, I mean, drink, sir?”
“Just four Orca-Colas, thank you.”
As the waitress lurched off, wobbling on her heels and tripping over her long, black scabbard, Frito surveyed the crowd for anyone suspicious. A few boggies, some swarthy-looking men, a drunken troll passed out at the counter. The usual.
– Bored of the Rings, “Indigestion at the Sign of the Goode Eats”
BTW, Peoples of Middle-earth has Tolkien’s notes for the Appendices, including extra names of Princes of Dol Amroth, years for births and deaths of Stewards of Gondor, extra names and years of births and deaths of Lords of Andúnië; and lots of extra, interesting detail on “The parentage of Gil-galad”, the meanings of the father-names of the sons of Fëanor (they were all named after his father, Finwë), the story of Glorfindel, and others. It’s fun to browse.
But Fellowship of the Ring is still my favorite. After the attack on Weathertop, I could never get enough of the story.